From an evolutionary point of view, our main task is survival and the transmission of genes further. Our psyche is wired for security. However, this is already the basic conflict: often, in order to increase a person’s chances of preserving himself, it is necessary to be exposed to danger.
That is why life has demanded and requires from us a constant balance between the desire for security and the desire for risk, which provides us with something new. The illusory feeling of complete security is so strong and alluring that very often the balance between dangerous / safe is upset in favor of the latter.
Well, really — what good is dangerous, that is, that we can be harmed in some way? The problem is that such concepts as «future», «novelty» and «development» are in the same row with danger, and «stability», «old» and «past» are in the same row with security. Yes, with a stable past, adventures in life will not be enough …
In addition, it is impossible to achieve XNUMX% safety in any type of activity, the risk — even minimal — is always present. This is a fundamental property of life, which includes uncertainty and the unknown. Stability and focus on the past are aimed at eliminating these two «unpleasant» elements of life.
Irony allows you to detach yourself and remove others from yourself
What do people who strongly abstain from risk in their lives and aim to minimize risk seek to do? To do this, they try to minimize their own participation in life processes. What is needed for this?
1. Demand guarantees of success in activities or, in extreme cases, full compensation for possible losses / damages. Without these guarantees — do not start activities.
2. Do not get involved in any processes, do not get involved emotionally. The ideal option would be the position of an ironic observer — irony allows you to step back yourself and push others away from you.
3. Give up fantasies, dreams, desires — any experiences that can bring dissonance into the current state of affairs, excite excessive emotions and passions. Convince yourself that you do not need much and that in general your destiny is moderation and stoicism, harmony, which is understood as the absence of ripples on the mirror surface of the pond. Clients of psychologists, approaching the moment of disruption of habitually stable existence, often disappear at this stage — they quit therapy, because it excites «too strong» emotions.
4. Give up any attempts to control anything (“Nothing depends on me, only humility remains”), or, conversely, hypercontrol (“the illusion of omnipotence”), in which any deviation from the standard is punished very severely.
5. Overestimate the terrible psychological burden and underestimate your ability to withstand it («it’s too much / hard for me»).
However, paradoxically, such activities lead to increased anxiety and increased boredom. The price of security is the suppression of any novelty, any disturbance, any attempt to rock the boat. Reality must either be controlled so that nothing from outside penetrates the rigidly established routine, or ignored if there is no power to control everything. But fear does not go away, on the contrary, it can only grow.
All forces are spent on maintaining stability, almost nothing is left for joy and excitement.
The suppression of passions, the destruction of novelty and the focus solely on safety can lead, in extreme cases, to chronic fatigue, boredom, apathy. Instead of vivid emotions ranging from delight to horror, there are dull rational constructions, impeccable logic, with which you can easily justify any refusal of any claims in this world. We will all die anyway… A kind of suicide out of fear of death.
Where does fatigue come from? It seems that the person does nothing? No, a lot of work is being done — you need to control your own psyche, eager for active interaction with the outside world, for this it exists. All forces are spent on maintaining stability, almost nothing is left for joy, excitement, interest. A dim spark of emotions allows you to exist, but not to act in any way.
Perhaps there will be little left to talk about reality. But just don’t interact with her. No adventure. And the feeling that life has passed by, that something very important has been missed, will not let go until the very end.