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Domestic violence: I didn’t want him to break my children’s lives too
“It was after the birth of my daughter that he started to get more and more nervous. I knew he had had problems with drugs and alcohol in the past, but I thought it was over, that he had turned the page on those dark years. If I had known… My daughter was born prematurely with all the complications one can imagine and the stress that resulted. A normal couple should have come together, come closer, love each other even more. Eric, on the contrary, has become odious. It’s like this ordeal has brought out all its dark side. Despite this climate which continued to deteriorate between us, we decided to have another child. Nico was therefore born, 3 years after Dune. Eric got worse and worse. He went out all night, insulted me for a yes for a no. And at the same time, he swayed with periods of extreme kindness. That’s probably why I didn’t realize at first the harm he was doing to me.
He put me down, told me I was dumb, incompetent at my job
As soon as we were with people, he radically changed his face and trumpeted that I was the woman of his life. I got pregnant with the third naturally. For my daughters, I had used IVF. I was extremely happy, I told myself that this baby was going to get us off to a good start. When I told him, he told me to have an abortion, which I obviously refused. 15 days later, approximately after three months of pregnancy, I lost the baby alone at home in excruciating pain. Eric was with friends, he didn’t bother to come back. To tell the truth, what happened to me really didn’t matter to him. Our relations continued to deteriorate. He belittled me and cursed me in front of children constantly. Like a lion in a cage, I can still see him walking back and forth in the apartment ready to explode with fury.
No filter, he didn’t mind our girls being terrified
I was paralyzed, I preferred to be as discreet as possible so as not to arouse his anger. It made me lose all my confidence. One night he was screaming so much that I almost called the cops. It was during this time that I learned that he had taken drugs again. And then one day what had to happen, happened. We had a family dinner and voila, I forgot to buy bread. He got into an impossible anger and ended up disappearing all evening. He came back around one in the morning. I was scared, very scared and I saw immediately that his anger had not subsided. All night he yelled at me. In the morning, he threw all my things outside. And then he started telling me that he wanted us to separate and that in the meantime I was going to occupy the guest room. I gathered what little strength I had left and told him that it was out of the question. And there he started hitting me. He grabbed my throat, my hair and slapped me. My daughters heard me scream.
They watched helplessly this dreadful spectacle
I told them to put on their shoes to leave. He pushed me down the stairs. I hugged my 2 year old daughter to protect myself from him and we went to the nearest police station. I entrusted my daughters to my brother and found myself alone waiting for a police officer to receive me. After all happened, the second policeman advised me to put down a handrail and not to file a complaint. I will always remember, behind him was a poster on domestic violence and when i asked him what i could do now, he replied: “go home madam”. I did not file a complaint, I should have but I did not know the procedures. And I think a lot of women who have found themselves in this kind of situation don’t necessarily make the right choice.
He was bound to start over
I escaped that morning for my daughters because I knew now that he had released that last lock he would start hitting me again. I didn’t want my kids to go through this hell, see their moms get beaten up, and later reproduce by getting together with an abusive man. I then lived temporarily with my grandmother. We have started a divorce procedure which is still not finished. Eric sees his daughters every other weekend and half of the school holidays. No judgment called into question his parental authority. I have no proof of his psychological and physical abuse. I also never obtained, despite my attempts, a protection order. He is a manipulative pervert who knows very well how to victimize himself. When he’s with the girls, they keep pouring out their hatred against me. Sometimes he does things with them but very often they stay in front of the television. At one time he didn’t even feed them. And I know he continues to take drugs. Not to mention that he does not pay me the pension. He’s smart, he’s organized his insolvency. The end of the month is very difficult.
I know they are afraid of him
Lately, my daughters tell me that they don’t want to go to their father’s house anymore. He never really raised a hand on them but they are afraid of him, he is out of control. My priority now? It is that my children manage to rebuild themselves. I know that the road will be long, that they have a poor image of the father and of men in general. They are both followed by a shrink and each experiences things in their own way. The eldest child expresses his anger a lot, while the younger one tends to withdraw. I will do everything to ensure that they are as damaged as possible. For my part, I am starting to relive because I have new professional projects that boost me but I know that Mathieu will never really leave me alone.