The couple facing assisted reproduction

Why is it so difficult for a couple to go on a MAP course?

Mathilde Bouychou: « Failure to do something natural – make love to have a child – causes a deep narcissistic wound. This pain is not necessarily admitted by couples. It turns out to be even more painful if there is no medical cause to explain the infertility diagnosis.

On the contrary, medical reasons have the power to lower the guilt by giving meaning to the situation.

Finally, the wait between exams, between attempts, is also a complicated factor because it leaves room for thinking … As soon as the couples are in the action, it is easier, even if the worry, the fear of failure remain pervasive.

There are also cases of misunderstanding that weaken the couple in depth. For example, a spouse who does not accompany his spouse in exams, who does not really follow what is going on. The man does not live the WFP in his body, and the woman may end up blaming him for this lack of presence. A baby is two. “

The relationship to the body and to intimacy is also upset …

MB : “Yes, assisted reproduction also weakens physically. It tires, it gives side effects, complicates the organization of professional life and daily life, especially for the woman who undergoes all the treatments, even if the infertility has a problem. male cause. Natural Healing (acupuncture, sophrology, hypnosis, homeopathy…) can bring a lot of well-being to women in this situation.

As for intimate relationships, they are punctuated by a precise calendar, becoming moments of pressure and obligation. Breakdowns can occur, further complicating the situation. The issue of masturbation, which is sometimes necessary, also makes some couples uncomfortable. “

Do you advise couples to confide in their entourage?

MB : “Talking about your difficulty in having a child is talking about sexuality. Some couples will succeed with relatives, others much less. In any case, it is delicate because the remarks of the entourage are sometimes awkward. Friends don’t know all the details of the diagnosis, all the intricacies of the process, and have no idea how much pain the couple is going through. “Stop thinking about it, it will come by itself, everything is in the head!”… Whereas it is quite simply impossible as PMA invades everyday life. Not to mention the announcements of pregnancy and birth that rain around the couple and reinforce the feeling of injustice: “Why would others do it and not us?” “

Who in the assisted reproduction journey can help the couple overcome difficulties?

MB : “Whether in hospital or in a private consultation, the support of a psychologist or a psychiatrist is not automatically offered. However, it allows couples to have a reference person to tell about their journey, their hopes, their doubts, their failures. PMA gives rise to a ” designfractional “. Couples need support every step of the way. They are embarked on a real emotional elevator. And must ask themselves questions that other couples do not address during pregnancy. They project themselves, position themselves for the long term. For example, what to do if the 4th attempt to FIV (the last reimbursed by Social Security in France) fails, how to build your future without having children? I strongly recommend consulting a professional who is used to infertility issues. A few sessions may be enough. “

Does assisted reproduction lead some couples to separate?

MB : “Unfortunately this happens. Everything depends on the solidity of the bases of the couple at the start. But also the place of birth plan within the couple. Is it a two-person project, or a more individual project? But some overcome the obstacle, are able to confront what is painful, to reinvent themselves. What is certain is that it is not achieved by “putting all the suffering under the carpet”.

And contrary to what one might think, the risks of separation also exist after the birth of a child. Other difficulties arise (which all parents must overcome), the narcissistic wound persists, some couples are weakened in their sex life. The child does not fix everything. The best way to avoid the risk of misunderstanding in the long term: talk to each other, go through the stages together, do not stay on their own in pain. “