In the broadest sense, manipulation is any personal influence on someone or something. For example, in English the word «to manipulate» means «operating, handling something.» This understanding is widely translated into NLP, where it is stated that «everyone and always manipulates.»
Sitting at the computer, you manipulate the keyboard and mouse to write a message; when you get up on the bus and give your seat to your grandmother, you are directing her towards you and essentially pushing her to sit in your seat — you are manipulating her; when you start talking about a new topic, you thereby covertly turn the interlocutor’s attention in the direction you need and are interested in — you manipulate him. When you smile and say «Hello!» — like it or not, but you manipulate the interlocutor, forcing him to smile at you.
And in this sense, it is true that «everyone and always manipulate» — but only in this, the broadest sense. It is a mistake to say that everyone is always manipulating. With this understanding, the concept of “manipulation” turns out to be simply redundant, a duplicate of the words “influence” or “impact”. Is the direct and open order of the head, formulated by him in relation to the employee, manipulation, when both act within the framework of job descriptions? It seems that talking about manipulation is inappropriate here. It is more reasonable to separate open and hidden influences, and to refer only hidden influences to manipulations.
It is true that everyone manipulates, but it is not true that everyone considers this the norm of life. Some people are manipulated simply because they themselves do not notice it, but when they set themselves the task of communicating and interacting honestly, they already avoid manipulations. If the thesis “everything is always manipulated” is understood as a permission not to think about honesty and openness in communication and interaction at all, this thesis seems to us to be erroneous from an ethical point of view.
We already have to see the consequences of the “manipulate everything and always” point of view: most NLP adherents really refuse to believe that there is anything in life other than suggestions, there is no concept of “honestly” for them: they build their communication only in two coordinates: efficiency (“to achieve my goal”) and environmental friendliness (“everything suits me and the interlocutor”). Shamanic techniques and ritual dances, conspiracies and superstitions — they will have in their arsenal everything that gives results here and now. Their words do not have a basis of truth, they are not understood as a reflection of “what really is”, talk about objectivity and scientificity in work is not for them. For them, words are only a tool that either gives the result they need, or does not.
The worldly understanding of manipulation has become widespread, where it is argued that: “Manipulation is deception, forcing a person to make a decision that is unfavorable for him.” In the psychotherapeutic environment, among the supporters of the humanistic approach, such an exclusively negative view of manipulation is no less popular: “The manipulator is a slave to the pernicious habit of pretending and intensely hiding his true intentions behind false masks. The manipulator lives in a lie and turns himself into a machine, and the other person into a disrespectful object, depriving himself of the possibility of love and intimacy ”(See The Journal of a Practical Psychologist, 2002. The articles“ The Hard Life of a Manipulator, or Poor Masha ”,“ Manipulators and actualizers” and other articles by various authors).
Such formulations are untenable: many subtle manipulations are built without the use of deception, and, most importantly, manipulations in the hands of reasonable parents, qualified educators and other decent people are not directed against the interests of others, but in the name of their own real interests. Not all manipulations are negative: manipulations are only a tool, and how and for what purpose people use them is determined by the people themselves. Decent and caring people practice only positive manipulations.
In scientific psychology, manipulation is called a psychological impact that secretly encourages a person to change his attitude towards something, make a decision or do something in the direction necessary for the author of the manipulation. This understanding is widespread among specialists and has sufficient factual grounds.
Let us emphasize the main points of this definition.
Manipulation refers only to hidden influences. The Oxford English Dictionary defines manipulation as «the act of influencing or controlling people with dexterity, especially with disparaging overtones, as covert control and processing.» The New York Modern Dictionary of Sociology, published in 1969, defines manipulation as “the exercise of power in which the possessor influences the behavior of others without revealing the nature of the behavior he expects from them.”
Manipulations are only dexterous, at least outwardly effective influences. Manipulation is something like magic, something that opens closed hearts and makes a person do what you can’t get from him in a direct and open way. Not strictly, but artistically, it can be formulated as follows: manipulation is a clever move that allows you to beat your partner.
Beat — does not mean «beat to the detriment of the partner’s interests.» Relationships can also be playful, when vital interests are not at stake, and then the exchange of manipulators is a form of fun entertainment. In other situations, using manipulation, you beat the person, but not against him, but in favor of his promising interests. So, for example, mothers act, cheerfully distracting small children from inappropriate whims — this is also manipulation, outplaying a partner, but not against the interests of the child, but rather FOR.
Often in life, manipulation is called life’s tricks and tricks. Petty worldly tricks are used by everyone, and the one who does not own them is called an ordinary sucker. Jokes, jokes, teasing — yes, they always have juggling, but without them life turns out to be too insipid. If a man demands from a woman the utmost honesty in every word and intonation, he will be called simply a bore with a sigh, but reasonably enough.
Relationships between men and women without games and manipulations are boring for both sides. This pastime is cooler than racing, paintball, includes reconnaissance and camouflage, diversions, traps and takeovers, but when the result is the admiring eyes of a loved one, everyone is happy.
Gu.e.e and harsh manipulations cause protest, but manipulations are different from manipulations. Clever manipulations more often give rise to respect, and subtle and beautiful manipulations — admiration. Few people like manipulations made on pretense, while the author of cheerful and sincere manipulations, as a rule, turns out to be the favorite and soul of the company. Anyone who secretly acts against our interests, and acts gu.e., when in fact everything is obvious, is a bastard. Who acts taking care of us, but gu.e.vato, when everything is “sewn with white threads” — felt boots. If a person beat us beautifully and gracefully, so that we ourselves did not understand how, this evokes an admiring response: an infection! He who takes care of our common interests, doing it covertly, deftly and beautifully, is a master.
© E. Dotsenko, «Psychology of manipulation» «Manipulation is a psychological influence, the skillful execution of which leads to the hidden excitement of another person’s intentions that do not coincide with his actual desires.»
Perhaps we should add «plans or desires» — some people in their behavior are guided to a small extent by their desires and to a large extent are guided by plans. Like what happens at work.
Its other definition is psychological manipulation [lat. manipulatio — a handful, a handful, manual reception] — a type of psychological impact used to achieve a one-sided gain through the hidden motivation of a communication partner to perform certain actions, implies a certain level of skill in its implementation. The desire of the manipulator to achieve a one-sided gain distinguishes M. p. from externally similar methods of indirect influence, characteristic of psychotherapy or education. The latent nature of the impact of mental abuse differs from other types of psychological intrusion — coercion and humiliation. As a rule, not only the goals, interests or intentions of the manipulator are concealed, but also the very fact of pursuing goals other than the declared ones. The fact of qualifying the impact as manipulative is not affected by whether it is organized intentionally or arose spontaneously, unconsciously. The partner’s motivation is the introduction of an additional motive into the context of the addressee’s desires, the imposition of a motivational «load», ultimately changing his original intentions. L. p. arises when the manipulator comes up with goals for the addressee that he must follow, and seeks to introduce them into his psyche. See link →
© A.P. Egides. Manipulation is a hidden psychological influence.
Wikipedia: Psychological manipulation is a type of social, psychological impact, a socio-psychological phenomenon, which is the desire to change the perception or behavior of other people using covert, deceptive or violent tactics.