Julien Blanc-Gras, father and author of “Comme à la guerre” (éd. Stock), gives us his sharp chronicle. Today, he tells us how he manages the claims of his 6-year-old son …
We come back from football training on a Saturday afternoon with the Child. In the street, I meet a friend whom I haven’t seen for a long time.
– Hi Grégoire, how are you, blah-blah-blah.
After 24 seconds, the Child begins to show his impatience.
– Papa, on and off!
He doesn’t say “Daddy, are we going?” “. He barks “Here we go!” », With an exclamation mark.
– I’m talking to a friend. Wait a second, please. So what’s up, Grégoire?
– Come on, let’s go, dad! It’s been a second there.
– It’s an expression. Please wait TWO MINUTES.
– I want to go. I have the right.
– But let me talk to my friend, finally!
– No, if I don’t want to, I don’t want to!
The Child begins to stomp, then to cry, then to howl, while I breathe the longest sigh ever.
– Well, come on Julien, I’ll leave you, eh.
My friend, who surely has better things to do than witness the sinking of an education, slips away without our having had time to exchange anything other than the usual banalities. I am furious.
My darling child is supposed to be approaching the age of reason.
– Son, at your age, you must be able to wait a little while without having a fit.
– I have the right not to want!
lashes at the Child with rebellious fervor in his eyes.
– And me, I have the right to discuss with a friend!
As I say this, I realize that I am having a fight with a six and a half year old child.
When did we screw up?
Because, I see clearly, and I am not the only one, that the children of today have a clear tendency to brace themselves on an exacerbated individualism and to victimize themselves at the slightest pretext to take power.
Positive education, which I try as best I can to practice, has of course its virtues. Respecting the child’s “I” is good. But if he forgets the existence of “we”, we quickly end up in a war of all against all. Are we not creating a generation of self-centered tyrants unable to tolerate the slightest annoyance? A generation of Donald Trump in power. Where is the positive in that?
Back home, while the Child is calmed, I start the post-crisis briefing ritual.
– Son, the world is a place populated by other people than you. The will of others sometimes goes against yours, you have to take that into account.
– I don’t have to.
– Your freedom ends where that of others begins.
– If I don’t want to, I don’t want to.
Dialogue of the deaf.
It might just be a phase, after all. It will pass over time, right? But in the meantime, what to do to deal with this perverse narcissistic manipulator in bad faith who is the Child (who is also the most wonderful of treasures)?
I’ll be honest: I don’t have the solution. Punishing is counterproductive. There remains dialogue, always dialogue.
– Son, you have rights, but you do not have all the rights.
– I have the right not to listen to you!
And I have the right to serve myself a large glass of wine.