– In the canteen, they really serve us bitch food.
The person saying these words is 8 years old. She is a wonderful child, polite, kind, lively, perfectly well brought up. His mother, half horrified and half amused by the words of her little angel, explains to her that, even if the food in the canteen is terrible, it is not possible to use this kind of vocabulary.
We have to admit it: our children one day lose their lexical innocence. The French language is incredibly rich and it is an endless playground for toddlers. The funniest, the most attractive, of course, is what is forbidden, sulphurous, transgressive. After the so-called sausage poo period comes the age of swearing.
Take, for example, this first grade student whose teacher asks him to write “whatever he wants” in his school notebook. Drama of the imprecise instruction, the boy, another little angel, carefully draws the words “putin” and “shit” on his sheet. It’s not even an act of defiance. It’s just funny.
My son knows full well that children are not supposed to swear. Sometimes he tries it.
– Dad, can I say a bad word?
I take my gentle disapproving air
– Well, just one.
The child comes to whisper in my ear, like a conspirator.
– Elliott, today at school, he said shit.
– It’s not very pretty. Better to avoid.
– Yes, but why do adults have the right to say it?
The Child, who has no equal to interfere in educational gaps, scores a point. His father sets a very bad example. I try to contain myself, I promise. But as soon as I drop a pen, I can’t help but throw a swarm of curses (and less Captain Haddock mode than Joey Starr), too often forgetting that my offspring is in the room.
One day, when I managed to contain myself for once, I said:
– Ho bug.
My son retorted:
– We don’t say “bug”, we say “damn”.
The Child, this mirror of our failings.
I have thought about the ritual of putting a coin in a piggy bank every time someone says a bad word at home. I quickly dropped the idea, we were going to ruin ourselves.
It’s not all that bad, IMHO. The bad word is a pressure relief valve. The Child just needs to understand that there is a passable familiar vocabulary and unacceptable expressions. Distinguish the bad word, simply unsightly, from the insult, more serious, because it is hurtful. I’d rather have my son say “that pisses you off” than “you suck” to his classmate. “No” is not a bad word, but it can hurt.
The intention and the context of a statement count more than the wording used. This is the idea that I try to convey to my son.
In any case, I hope that this column did not seem too shitty to you.