Contents
- The child is lying: what to do
- The child is lying because …
- To prevent your child from becoming a pathological liar:
- 2. Up to 7 years old, you will teach a child to distinguish between truth, lies, fantasy, fiction.
- 3. Don’t ask your child to be 100% open.
- 5. Do not punish for lying.
- 6. Do not limit his freedom, give him the right to choose.
The child is lying: what to do
We all tell children that it’s not good to lie, but they still don’t always tell the truth. Family psychologist, author of books on child psychology, Katerina Demina tells how to curb a child’s violent imagination.
March 3 2018
Everyone lies to one degree or another: both adults and children. For a child, this is a normal reaction to different circumstances. Up to 5 years old kids do not know how to lie. They still do not distinguish where is reality and where is fiction, and they simply fantasize, invent a lot. By the age of 7, the children develop a conscience and morality. They already understand the difference between good and evil, right and wrong. And then many begin to lie, trying to win a significant place among their peers. At the age of 8 to 10 years, children tend to measure themselves in front of each other, who have richer parents, cooler car, newfangled gadgets. There is nothing wrong with that, they will grow up and stop making up such fables. It is much worse when the lie for the child is protection or a cry for help. And parents are often to blame for this.
The child is lying because …
… afraid of parental anger. If you are too strict with him, then he will lie out of fear, trying to avoid condemnation or punishment.
… there are many demands on him. The higher the bar you set for him, the more often he lies, so as not to disappoint his parents with his actions.
… does not trust his parents. If he does not have mutual understanding with loved ones, the child will constantly hide something, deceive, play around.
… he is often criticized. If parents are always unhappy, lying will become a defense. The child will keep silent about bad grades, his own failures.
… loves parents very much and does not want to upset them. If you insist that his hooliganism is driving you crazy, that you are very worried about a plate he has broken or soup spilled on the floor, the child will remember this and will try not to advertise it next time.
… he lacks warmth and care. With virtuoso lies and invented stories, he tries to attract the attention of his parents.
To prevent your child from becoming a pathological liar:
Watch out if you are the one setting the child a bad example. A dad who buys his son ice cream with the words “Just don’t tell your mom about this” teaches him to lie. And sometimes you don’t even notice that when you are a baby, you are telling a lie. But he fixes everything and shakes his mustache.
2. Up to 7 years old, you will teach a child to distinguish between truth, lies, fantasy, fiction.
Children perfectly assimilate information from books, cartoons. Take into service the story of Nosov “Fantasies”, “The secret always becomes apparent” by Dragunsky. And be sure to say everything: “Now we will come up with a fairy tale together!”, “Now we are playing: you are a princess, I am your pony.”
3. Don’t ask your child to be 100% open.
He may have personal secrets. But he must understand that one cannot lie about his life, health, safety. Speak directly: “If you want me to trust you, answer a specific question honestly. And I want to know where you are, with whom, what you are doing, in order to help you if necessary. “
If a child is lying in your eyes, you, of course, have to take him out to clean water. Simply say, “I’m upset that you lied to me.” Or: “Sit down and think about why you told me a lie.” Do not scold your son or daughter. The child should feel: even when he stumbles, you are on his side.
5. Do not punish for lying.
This will escalate the situation, the child will distance from you.
6. Do not limit his freedom, give him the right to choose.
If the son says honestly, “I don’t want to go to school,” and you let him stay at home at least once, then he will not have the desire to lie about a bad stomach or feeling unwell in order to skip school.
As long as lying does not harm anyone, you should not worry. But we must not close our eyes to this either. While the child is small, inspire him that you will not go far with tricks and lies, there is nothing good in them.
When a student is lying at the age of 12 for any reason, it is better to seek help from a specialist. The reason may lie in psychological problems and even in a neurological disease.