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My daughter, being small, was terribly afraid to donate blood for tests. And we had a well-established ritual with her. Coming to donate blood, sitting in line, I spoke my teeth to her as best I could, I had to substitute my finger almost by force, but leaving the office, she climbed into her arms, screamed bitterly from resentment at me for such a disgrace and beat me with her tiny cams. And I endured this «beating» and offered her everything that could distract her — tea, cakes, pencils, books .. — everything that could be bought at the clinic at that time. At some point, my sun decided that she needed something from the above and we went to buy or drink tea and cakes.
She was in pain, and I knew perfectly well that she wanted me to somehow avenge this pain. Now my girl, by the way, can also throw me a tantrum if she has something sick, but much less often, and only to me. Mostly she does it herself.
Anton AA:
It’s strange… I never even thought to avenge the pain caused by the doctor, dad / mom or even the doctor himself. Somehow, since childhood, I considered this a kind of unpleasant inevitability — if you really need to give an injection, then — there is no one to blame — neither I, nor my father, nor my mother, nor the doctor are to blame for this. A certain external force in relation to people is to blame — a disease. So, I think, a child who behaved like this, I would categorically “not understand”.
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And who inspired you that it had to be done? Parents. Yes? I didn’t teach this to my daughter. And I don’t regret it. When she felt bad, she was normally treated, but when she felt good, she categorically did not want to endure the pain.
Anton AA:
Of course, parents. Well?
Do you consider your permission to tantrum and blame your mother as the right position?
Firstly, “she is well” is not a criterion of “she is healthy”. It is better to carry out diagnostics and treatment before the fried rooster pecks at a known place.
Secondly, analyzes are an objective necessity. Just like a bunch of other unpleasant procedures — dental treatment, for example (they may not hurt for some time, but they still need to be treated, but it was unpleasant and painful to treat before. Now it’s much better, but children don’t understand their happiness).
What could be the mother’s fault here?
Mustik
I join Anton AA. And from the experience of my childhood (by the way, I am still afraid to donate blood from a finger, but what is my mother to blame for?)
And as a mother of two daughters, already quite grown up. No amount of hysteria can justify strange actions like beating up a parent. Even such a thought in the head of a child should not be, and if it manifested itself, make it clear complete rejection. Otherwise, there is a scheme that in the frustration of feelings you can do things that are prohibited in the normal state. And if the child really wants to, then … So hysterical behavior is activated. Or how?
Lanka
Nothing like that, my daughter has already grown up and is quite calm, attentive and caring. And it was not a hysteria she had, but an ordinary resentment — someone should be responsible for the fact that they hurt her. And now I am not overjoyed at her, and most of my acquaintances, in my opinion, envy me in a good way. Although everyone who knew and saw how I raised her used to tell me at any opportunity that it was impossible to do this, and that an egoist would grow up, etc. etc. And here it is not.
The other day, I was just familiar with a slight envy (she does not have such a good relationship with her son) even directly said that she was shocked by what I got as a result.
Anton AA
Hm… Why do you think so?
After all, the world periodically hurts us — they fell on the pavement — they scratched their knees, they picked up some muck from unwashed hands, the internal organs went haywire, etc. And what, someone else should be responsible for this? On what basis?
Lanka
In life, we are not promised anything, but a mother for a child is a king and a god, and for some time she is responsible for him. And I answered until she grew up. When she broke her knee herself, she did not get angry with me and did not take offense. But if I brought her to take tests, I was to blame for her. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. Already at the age of 12, she herself went to the clinic to take tests, but I drove a little one, and I held my finger during the procedure. But the child learned well to distinguish between causes and effects. I remember at the age of 8 she fell off the swing in the country, so she didn’t even tell me about it right away. I pestered her several times, what was wrong with her, but I saw that something was wrong, and she was silent until she came to her senses so that I would not worry.