The child does not know how to take care of himself

A reader writes: “My son is a very smart, affectionate, active baby. But he is very afraid of aggression or simply, let’s say, a violent manifestation of feelings on the part of other CHILDREN. He communicates with adults with pleasure and is absolutely normal (he is a sociable child). I know that I myself am to blame for the fact that I once did not give him complete independence in the sandbox. He asked to play with him, and I never refused. And from the attacks of other children has always been a defense. But it’s not about that. How can we change the situation? How to help not be afraid? How to convince him that he is strong and can fight back? I’m worried about him becoming a whipping boy in kindergarten.»

In fact, the question is broader: the child needs to learn to protect himself from peers, and from foreign adults, and sometimes from his own parents …

Question from a reader

We, raising our son, focused on friendliness, the ability to negotiate in a good way, share and change. As a result, the son does not know how to stand up for himself and his own, he is lost and afraid of screams, aggression. What can and should be done about it?

Answer:

You’ve got it all mixed up: why do one exclude the other? There are aggressive boys — and cowards at the same time. And there are quite friendly, determined to agree on everything in a good way, while being brave and able to fill the face of someone who does not understand in a good way.

You need to teach your son how to fight. More precisely, not to participate in fights, but the ability to respond to the offender, including in his language, if necessary. With the right upbringing, yours should not like to fight, but be able to do it well. Let him be inclined towards friendship and cooperation, but if necessary, be ready to strike back.

Bottom line: quickly look for a good section of boxing or martial arts, the main thing is to have a reasonable coach. A good coach will teach your son how to combine these two sides: friendliness and the ability to stand up for himself.

By the way, if you can send a child to the Excalibur camp (watch the video), many issues can be resolved.

Separate question:

How to teach a child to protect himself from dangerous adults?

Among adults, unfortunately, there are also scumbags who can kidnap and rape your child. How to prevent these dangers?

Some children, even knowing how to act in a dangerous situation, are silent. Because after many years of suggestions, “Don’t make noise!”, “Behave yourself!”, “Good children don’t behave like that!” afraid to shout and call other adults for help. Your child needs to be careful — and brave at the same time. You must instruct him in advance how to behave in problem situations, but knowledge alone is not enough: oddly enough, training is also needed here. Your child’s actions must be confident and practiced. See details →

Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov

Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.