Contents
Play with me is the demand of the child to be constantly entertained by adults.
Life examples
Should a 3 year old be entertained? I understand that you need to play with him, study, but if there is absolutely no time, he can keep himself occupied. Or he starts doing all sorts of bad things on purpose, gets bored …
There are plenty of toys, games, but he plays when he is in a very good mood, or when he really pisses me off and realizes that there is nothing to wait for me, you need to do something yourself. But sometimes it takes a long time. And nerves. And this is not a buzz, as I understand it …
The solution
Five Minute Solution
Sometimes it takes much less time to satisfy a child’s interest than we think. On this topic, I recommend reading the article Five Minute Solution.
Games are different
It is clear that an adult can be busy with things to the eyeballs. But the child usually does not need to take all the attention of his mother to himself. It is enough that mom is nearby, that although she is busy, she sometimes pays attention to you. In any case, it is more pleasant to play in the room where the mother is than to play alone in an empty room.
You just need to teach the child that when mom works, play with her can, but only in some games that do not require too much attention from an adult. For example, you are sitting at a table, writing something or typing on a computer. A child sits nearby and draws something.
If the child starts to play pranks and interfere with his mother, then he will be removed to another room and will have to play alone.
The child must learn the Rule: Sometimes I have to entertain myself! See Rules for a child
Addition
At this age, and as in any other, the attention of the mother is very important to the child. Of course, you can occupy him with something and go about your business, moreover, the child himself will eventually learn to entertain himself. Only now he will no longer need his mother. The child cannot be explained that adults have problems, you need to balance the time allocated for the child and for work. Over time, the child will learn to entertain himself, but the presence of his mother will only interfere with him, now he has his own secrets, his own life. There may be a fear of turning to my mother, because she is always busy, anyway she will not give me time. In no case should a child be taught to be alone.
Paul is a year old. He was always extremely unhappy, crying for several hours a day, despite the fact that his mother constantly entertained him with new attractions that helped only for a short time.
I quickly agreed with my parents that Paul needed to learn one new rule: “I have to entertain myself at the same time every day. Mom is doing her own thing at this time. How could he learn it? He was not yet a year old. You can’t just take him into a room and say: «Now play alone.»
After breakfast, as a rule, he was in the best mood. So Mom decided to choose this time to clean the kitchen. After placing Paul on the floor and giving him some kitchen utensils, she sat down and looked at him and said: «Now I have to clean the kitchen». For the next 10 minutes, she did her homework. Paul, although he was nearby, was not the center of attention.
As expected, a few minutes later the kitchen utensils were thrown into the corner, and Paul, sobbing, hung on his mother’s legs and asked to be held. He was used to the fact that all his desires were immediately fulfilled. And then something happened that he did not expect at all. Mom took him and again put him a little further on the floor with the words: «I need to clean the kitchen». Paul, of course, was outraged. He raised the volume of the yell and crawled to his mother’s feet. Mom repeated the same thing: she took him and again put him a little further on the floor with the words: “I need to clean the kitchen, baby. After that, I will play with you again» (broken record).
All this happened again.
The next time, as agreed, she went a little further. She put Paul in the arena, standing within sight. Mom continued cleaning, despite the fact that his screams were driving her crazy. Every 2-3 minutes she turned to him and said: “First I need to clean the kitchen, then I can play with you again.” After 10 minutes, all her attention belonged to Paul again. She was glad and proud that she endured, although little came of the cleaning.
She did the same in the following days. Each time, she planned in advance what she would do — clean up, read the newspaper or eat breakfast until the end, gradually bringing the time to 30 minutes. On the third day, Paul didn’t cry anymore. He sat in the arena and played. Then she did not see the need for a playpen, unless the child hung on it so that it was impossible to move. Paul gradually got used to the fact that at this time he is not the center of attention and will achieve nothing by shouting. And independently decided to increasingly play alone, instead of just sitting and yelling. For both of them, this achievement was very useful, so in the same way I introduced another half an hour of free time for myself in the afternoon.
Many children, as soon as they scream, immediately get what they want. Parents wish them only the best. They want the child to feel comfortable. Always comfortable. Unfortunately this method doesn’t work. On the contrary: children like Paul are always unhappy. They cry a lot because they learned: «Screaming gets attention.» From early childhood, they are dependent on their parents, so they cannot develop and realize their own abilities and inclinations. And without this, it is impossible to find something to your liking. They never understand that parents also have needs. A time out in the same room with mom or dad is a possible solution here: the child is not punished, stays close to the parent, but nevertheless does not get what he wants.
- Even if the child is still very young, use «I-messages» during the «Time Out»: “I have to clean up.” “I want to finish my breakfast.” “I have to call.” It can’t be too early for them. The child sees your needs and at the same time you lose the opportunity to scold or reproach the baby.