A man should accept his defeat with the same grace with which he celebrates victory.
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You lost because you gave up beforehand. But you can beat him!
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My son is 8 years old. He is a good, smart little boy, but very touchy, especially he cannot lose in games. If he loses in any game, it does not matter in the game with me or with other children, he starts to get angry and blame everyone. What do you advise?
Response
This is not the worst situation, and in a couple of months you can completely fix it. Actually, there are only two stages.
Stage 1. Play with your son and create a situation where your son will win several games in a row. Take this calmly, mark his good game and what you liked about his game in order to show by your own example how adults and smart people react correctly to a loss. Use the formula “But …” (“I lost now, but I won yesterday.” Or: “I lost now, but I am the best mother in the world. Yes?”) Ask your son to list after you what you did, how you conducted myself. Ask your son to describe his behavior if he were an adult and he lost. Let your son work out the “But …” form in advance (“I lost now, but I’m doing great with math!”).
Stage 2. You play already without «giveaways», respectively, once the son wins, once you. When your son loses, support him by saying “But I have you … (a great mathematician, athlete, etc.)” and arrange a competition who will name your son’s virtues more: you or him. In this case, it will not matter who wins, this competition will be a joy to the son. After that, let the son tell you what he liked about your game — and everything else that you rehearsed in advance.
If suddenly the preparation did not work, say calmly: “Only small children react so painfully to a loss. It can be seen, son, that you are not yet old enough to play these games on an equal footing with adults. So let’s wait a bit.» At this moment, most likely, the son will remain silent, but when in a couple of days he asks you to play with him again, start bargaining with him: “Are you already grown up? Why do you think that you will be able to adequately endure the loss? For this case, rehearse with him again all the steps of a worthy loss, after that you can try to play with him again.
And so on: pauses between games and rehearsals will do their job.
Another thing is that behind such situations sometimes there are more serious background things, namely, the lack of male education. If the son has a father, he should actually deal with this issue. Women are anxious, it is difficult for women to hide their emotionality, so the mother is less effective than the father in such matters. If there is no father, the guy should be sent to the sports section to a good coach. In training under the guidance of a male coach, he will quickly learn the right attitude to win and lose. He will learn that men are not afraid and men do not cry. What’s more, they don’t get offended.
In one family close to us, the father solved this situation in a couple of weeks. He formulated the rule: “If someone in the family made an offended, dissatisfied or angry face, everyone squats 10 times for this.” Everyone — that is, all family members: mom, dad, and brothers and sisters. What is surprising is not that it resolved the situation in the most natural way and stopped the bitterness and resentment, but that it happened so quickly.
In any case, if nothing suddenly works, contact psychologists. We will help you!
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
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