Conversations with children built according to the Socratic method take a very long time and do not guarantee that they will lead to the desired result. However, unlike short parental instructions, such conversations teach children to think and help them understand their parents to a greater extent. Shall we try?
Son: Mom, I want XBOX. Buy?
Mom: Interesting idea. Why do you need it, tell me?
S: I will play. This is great. You can move there.
M: Cool. I also really liked that this is not an ordinary shooter, where the eyes get tired and the butt sits out, but something quite sporty. I am for such a prefix. Let’s think, where do we get money for it, do we have extra? I now spend my entire salary on our family expenses, on what we need in the first place. What are your suggestions?
S: We need to spend less money on family expenses, then we will have money for XBOX!
M: Option, it’s worth thinking about. I will think about what I can refuse, perhaps I have extra expenses. What are you willing to give up for XBOX?
S: I’m ready to give up movies and sweets!
M: Super, wise thought! This will help us, but by how much? Calculate how much you will save in a month in this way, and for how many months we will accumulate the required amount in this way!
S: So… Well, about a thousand a month goes to the cinema and all sorts of little things… Then, in order to save up for a set-top box, you need a year and a half… It’s too long.
M: Yes, not quickly. But if we come up with something else, everything will be faster. Money is usually collected from different sources, so I would suggest leaving this item, but look for something else. Are there any other ideas where to get money for the console?
S: Maybe I’ll go to work?
M: You know, I would be happy if you succeeded, and I am ready to help you in every possible way. True, on the go now I can’t think of where and how you could work at 11 years old. I suggest you and I think about it. Whoever finds or hears where, we will tell each other. Deal?
S: Yes, we agreed … Mom, can you earn more?
M: I don’t know son. What do you think I need to do for this?
S: Work harder!
M: Sonny, I love you, and I love my work, and I’m ready to work more. There is a difficulty — I don’t have time for this now, I am completely busy with household chores: I need to go to the store, cook food, wash dishes, vacuum the rooms. What do you think, can I somehow unload from household chores?
S: I can also vacuum and wash dishes.
M: Great! I was just about to buy a dishwasher. It costs the same as XBOX. But if you wash the dishes, then I don’t need a dishwasher. Are you ready to wash the dishes every day if we buy a prefix?
S: Of course!
M: How long? It’s not just one or two days, it’s like a permanent job. Are you ready to wash the dishes for half a year until we save up for the dishwasher again?
S: Ready.
M: I respect, I have an excellent assistant, a real man. And what should we do if someday you don’t want to wash the dishes? What should I do then?
S: Well, it’ll be fair if you take XBOX from me then.
M: Yes, that’s understandable. And if you play enough for two days, you will get bored with XBOX and stop washing the dishes? Then I will have no money for a dishwasher, no clean dishes. What will I feel? How would you feel in my place?
S: That I was deceived. But I won’t deceive you!
M: Thank you, son, for these words. In any case, let’s remember: life does not end on this console, you will still have other things that you and I will want to purchase. I believe you, and your task is to keep your word. But are you sure you can do it?
S: Exactly!
M: And if you get tired? Washing dishes every day is not easy.
S: Mom, let me have a day off from dishes on Sunday!
M: Only on condition that you kiss me now and say that I am your best mother in the world!
S: Yes, mom, you are the best!
Compare with another dialogue where, on “I want XBOX,” mom says briefly: “Let me buy, but for this you will always wash the dishes throughout the year, except for the day off. And if you don’t, I’ll never buy you anything again.» It seems to be the same agreement in fact. But the result is different. In the second case, the conditions for the child are formulated by adults in finished form. In the first case, the child came to an agreement together with an adult, through a leisurely discussion, which means that he will have a higher level of awareness and responsibility for compliance with the terms of the contract. And the child also gained experience in solving a life problem.
A separate question is how much every mom (or every dad) can have such a conversation: not everyone and not everyone. This conversation is not simple, it requires not only logically structured thinking of parents, but also endurance, the ability to resist children’s manipulations. If the child was previously allowed to throw dissatisfied reproaches “You are always like this!”, be offended and blame “You just don’t love me!”, beg “Well, mommy, please, I beg you very much!”, then not everyone can resist such an emotional attack. adult. If you have such a danger, then instead of an unpredictable conversation in a similar situation, it makes sense to let your child read this article and discuss it together. This will lead to a reasonable result faster and more reliably. Good luck to all of us!