Contents
The father, an important role for the child
The father: the “third separator”
In his latest work, Moussa Nabati, psychoanalyst, returns to the essential notion of father. For him, the most important function of the father is that of “third separator” in the triangle “father, mother, child”. Indeed, from the first years of the child’s life, the latter is in total fusion with the mother, since it is she who generally takes care of the baby the most. For the psychoanalyst, “the father differentiates the child from the mother, he introduces a distance between the mother and the child”. Another important role according to Moussa Nabati: “it makes the mother feminine. Motherhood and femininity are closely linked. A woman is a woman because she loves a man and he loves her in return ”. The father also takes on all his importance at the birth of the child when he gives him his name. Moussa Nabati also specifies that “the mother gives birth to the child while the father cannot. Giving it its surname is fundamental for its construction. He thus knows where he comes from ”.
A father who evolved
In a first work on the role of the father dating from 1994, Moussa Nabati explains that at the time, “I needed to write about the function of the father because the media had desecrated the notion of the“ father ”on sociologically and also because of the evolution of society and feminist movements. However, in practice, in consultations, as a psychoanalyst, I realized the importance of the “father” for the psychological construction of any individual “. And today, this new book echoes the notion of the father, more than 20 years later. Moussa Nabati specifies that “ the father has softened, he has become a daddy hen, closer to feminine values “. Moreover, according to the psychoanalyst, “it is more difficult to become a father than a mother. Being a mom is natural. For the dad, everything will depend on his childhood, if he himself has been “triangularized” “. Today we talk a lot about hyperparentality, Moussa Nabati emphasizes that ” these are parents who want to be too present with their children. In fact, they want to be loved at all costs ”. For him, this demand is “too invested, without leaving space for lack, necessary for any individual to build themselves”.
When the father is absent in childhood
Moussa Nabati also explains that if the father is absent in the first years of life, “The child is cut off from part of his history. Some children imagine that if the father is not there, it is their fault. The child feels guilty, as if dispossessed of his childhood ”. Another consequence for Moussa Banati: “the child will live in total fusion with the mother, and the latter will become dependent on the love of her child”.