I want to share a story that is relevant for many couples who are in a relationship. Often, in caring for the feelings of a partner, a person has some difficulty in voicing any dissatisfaction, in setting personal boundaries. In such situations, people either do not know how to correctly express their position, or are in a state of sacrifice and cannot stand up for themselves. So, the negative is hushed up, resentment accumulates, dissatisfaction grows. This causes a balloon effect. It swells up, and then in one moment it reaches its limits and bursts to a ringing in the ears.
In my relationship, there are one and a half such people. The University of Practical Psychology and the Distance taught me to tell my partner correctly and syntonously if I don’t like something. But there are still things that I can not say right away. My Man is afraid of offending me, therefore, if I behave incorrectly, he is patiently silent about it. You have to periodically pull feedback out of it with a tug. At the same time, we both responsibly understand its necessity and importance.
Recently there was a serious conversation. A few days later, I finally matured and decided to talk about one moment of the relationship that did not suit me. First, we updated the topic of a certain closeness in relation to such moments, then I suggested a game.
We had a deck of cards. There are 36 cards in a deck of black and red suits. We took turns taking one card at a time. If red comes across, the person says that he likes the most in a partner. The card is put to the interlocutor in the red deck. Black suit card — we talk about what we don’t like: habits, behavior, attitude. The card is placed in a pile of black suit.
Before the game, my man objected: “There is so much black to be found.” And in the process, it was unstoppable when we got to my habit of offering to try my food and one overly colorful dress too often. We discussed all the negative points in the format of solving the problem. At the same time, it is especially important to refrain from accusations and remain in the format of the game — fun and kind. As for positive assessments, I also heard a lot of important and pleasant things addressed to me.
How can this game be useful in the activities of a coach and consultant or for personal practice?
- The format of the game reduces the severity of the circumstances. In the game it is easier to pronounce even negative moments, as we agree to perceive everything adequately and without offense.
- The fair play format prevents anyone from avoiding their turn to speak. The game is the game.
- On an intuitive level, when playing cards, excitement is turned on, involvement in the process and complete immersion appear.
- Game props in the form of cards remove some responsibility in choosing what to say. How the card will fall.
- Great game variety. From classic card games with commentary to making it more difficult by adding different meanings of statements depending on the suit and value of the card (for example, a low value is a minor disadvantage)
Run games for your clients, play by yourself! And remember the main rule: in the game you are not playing against each other, but together against the problem.