Contents
“The break allows us to get to the depths of our identity”
Psychology
The writer Claire Marin publishes «Ruptures», an essay in which she explores the transforming power of pain
«We would like the rupture to be a sudden cut (…) but the rupture is a tear, and unlike the separation, it makes it possible for each one to go back to being the whole part that it was before, with the rupture, as the word, something breaks ». so it begins «Ruptures» (Alienta Editorial), a book in which the writer, teacher and philosopher Claire Marin investigates, analyzes and talks about what happens to us when we face a breakup.
From the beginning of the book, the author presents that a break (be it romantic, work, family or friendship), in some way has both a psychological and physical impact on us, and somehow «submits us
to a deformation of our identity ». This is understood because, while we maintain a relationship with someone, we form our personality and actions many times together with that person: a common life is created, where although we are individuals, we are also part of another group. Once that is broken, we see ourselves alone and what we have been doing together for a while, all the things that we have built together, have to change.
But, these changes can have a positive impact well managed since, as the writer indicates, «The rupture, when we put ourselves to the test, allows us to reach the depths of our identity». In general, we can adopt two positions in the face of a breakup: treat it as a painful event or a terrible mistake, or consider it a necessary act. Many times we experience more painful breakups when we have been very dependent on the person we broke up with. The teacher explains that, on many occasions, “we have a new love to protect us, to fill the void.”
It also talks about the importance of resilience and how, in the case of ruptures, there are many who, after having overcome several, become more resistant and are less and less affected by them. The author gives as an example the start of «High fidelity», a novel by Nick Horby, where its protagonist lists the emotional ruptures with which he has really suffered, cataloging the latter as easier, since age and experience make «already be older to destroy each other. Still, although the teacher claims that “fortunately,” all breakups are not equally painful, heartbreak always causes an “inner jolt”.
A break to “create” ourselves again
Throughout the pages Claire Marin addresses different aspects of breakups: from the aforementioned change in our identity, to how the idea of a birth can turn into mourning. But, if something is clear, it is that the rupture, in all its magnitude, affected every plane of our life, is not something that can be reduced to a few words. And the impact it generates is something we must learn to control: it is important «appease the violence of feelings that they arouse within us, tolerate them as an inevitable effect and progressively control them to assume our own identity.
He puts forward the idea that the experience of suffering makes us question “the place we have occupied without asking questions.” «The creation of oneself by oneself, Bergson’s beautiful expression, can acquire a particular meaning in a therapeutic context. My body has been modified (…) I know at the same time its vulnerability and its power and I am the one who gives it a new meaning, ”says the writer. «Making the accident an experience that makes one think is turn that suffering into an experience with meaning, “he sums up.