The chest is a symbol of femininity, but few women are satisfied with it. We do not perceive our breasts as part of ourselves – for years we have been dreaming about what it should ideally be, our best breasts in the world. How to learn to love your breasts here and now, reconcile with it, care for it and decorate it?
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- Marilyn Yalom “Breast Story”
Too small, too big, painful, pumped up, stretched, plum-shaped, but I would like to be apple-shaped … Few women love their breasts. “Many people tell me that they cry looking at themselves in the bathroom at night,” says Valerie Supper, founder of a breast massage studio in Paris. 40-year-old Maria hates this part of her body so much that she only looks in a small mirror so as not to see it: “My breasts used to be beautiful, but several pregnancies and feedings ruined them. I no longer recognize her and in front of the washbasin I want to see only my face.
It is difficult for women to come to terms with the fact that this important sign of their gender changes over time. But why such an ambivalent attitude towards the breast and such a strong dependence on it? “Breasts indicate femininity, it is a sign of maturity and attractiveness, but also a symbol of a woman’s dissatisfaction with her body,” explains psychoanalyst Hélène Para (Hélène Parat). – Women are not born with their breasts, for many years it remains “virtual” for them. Breasts are never beautiful enough because they don’t match the ideal that we thought up for ourselves as little girls. We want the best breasts in the world, we have been dreaming about it for years.” Hence the discrepancy with reality.
My chest and other people’s views
When adolescence comes, the flowering of the breast for many comes as a shock. Journalist Monique Ayoun, author of the beautiful and funny book The Story of My Breasts*, recalls: “I was 11 and a half years old. At first, I did not feel dissatisfied, but they grew too quickly, became so magnificent that it seemed that I could not be seen behind them. I was very complex. Luckily, my mom, who went through the same thing, took care of me and helped me accept my breasts. She took me to choose my first bra, explained how to take care of my breasts, kept telling me that I was beautiful.” Today, Monique is proud of a very beautiful bust that time has not spoiled. The maternal gaze plays a key role, psychoanalysts admit, it largely depends on the mother whether we make friends with our breasts or whether it will turn into an enemy for life. Charming 13-year-old Sasha had completely different words in her memory: “Once, when I leaned forward, my mother said to me:“ That’s funny, your breasts are like a goat’s udder. This cruel mockery killed me…”
Back to yourself
The views of mothers, beloved men, cultural and symbolic concepts associated with the female breast – all this puts pressure on the psyche, because the woman is sure that she cannot influence this external sign of her identity. She feels like she doesn’t belong to herself. And there is no gap: the breast is equated either with an erotic object, or with motherhood and feeding children. How to establish peaceful relations with your bust? Masseur Chiara, who is part of the team created by Valerie Supper, sees many women squeezed every day: “Breasts are both a taboo and a stereotype,” she says. “We endow her with a sexuality that may seem vulgar, obscene. That’s why it’s so hard to get close to her. However, this is necessary: our body is not an object whose parts can be replaced when they are damaged. We have to take care of ourselves.”
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- Do all men like big breasts?
To regain your femininity, to embrace this so sensitive area and beautify it, there is nothing more effective than self-massage – light touches, devoid of any sexual or medical content. “They will help breathe life into your chest,” says Valerie Supper. “You will realize that you can take it and enjoy it, and at the same time improve blood circulation and increase elasticity.”
Here are two simple exercises that you can do daily in the shower or right after it:
1. Place your hand under the opposite breast and begin to “draw” a horizontal figure eight, moving from one breast to another and massaging them along the contour of the roundness. These movements improve lymph flow and gently stimulate blood circulation.
2. Grasp the entire roundness with the hand opposite the chest and gently massage the chest in all directions, then roll it over the chest muscle in wide circular motions, three times in each direction. This exercise involves gentle kneading to increase circulation.
Chiara’s recommendations: “Do not be shy when you touch your chest – cover it with your hand completely, gently. Use your fingers to massage painful points, for example at the level of the pectoral muscle. Valerie Supper advises to start with light touches and gradually deepen the touches forward. “It is better to use an oil rather than a cream, as oils contain fatty acids, which keep the skin hydrated longer. It is worth remembering that it is the skin membrane that contains our breasts – by touching them, we return their shape. Self-massage not only increases the elasticity of the breast – touches return it to a woman, allow you to feel part of yourself – unique and far from stereotypes.
Cut or not
“Going under the surgeon’s knife to fix your breasts is not a panacea,” warns plastic surgeon Sylvie Abraham. – Any intervention is fraught with undesirable consequences. I always ask women who come to me for advice about their motives: “Do you want to have beautiful breasts to dress or to undress?” Breast reduction, for example, involves significant scarring. For this reason, I refuse to operate on beautiful breasts that have sagged slightly over time. The result can be psychologically and physiologically brilliant for women whose breasts have been spoiled by pregnancy or lactation. They come with a deep sense of injustice – they think they are being punished for simply wanting to do their best as a mother. Thanks to prostheses, self-confidence returns to many. They regain their figure and thus take possession of their body again.
* Mr. Ayoun “History of my seines” (Plon, 2004).