“Doing nothing is shameful,” we hear first from parents, then from teachers, then from colleagues. Everyone talks about personal effectiveness, but few remember the benefits of idleness. And in vain!
We are used to being work and competitive. Being lazy, messing around, fooling around is not about us. And today, many consider rest not as an idle “doing nothing”, but as a way to spend time with benefit: to learn something, to visit somewhere, to go to the gym once again.
We strive to be «faster, higher, stronger». And that’s why we are in endless tension
The modern fashion for personal efficiency adds fuel to the fire. Scrolling through the social media feed, we compare ourselves with successful top managers or mothers of many children who receive their next higher education, go in for sports every day and have time to cook healthy breakfasts for the whole family. We are doing our best to keep up with beautiful pictures — there is no time for rest.
“As soon as I lie down on the sofa and relax, the thought immediately arises that I am wasting precious time that I could spend on something more useful,” complains 34-year-old Christina.
No guilty guilty
Feelings of guilt and a sense of missed opportunities arise if we are focused on high achievements. “Such a position is fraught with the development of all resources, a sharp deterioration in well-being and, as a result, the quality of life,” says family psychologist Alla Buchkova. “Therefore, you still have to rest: restoring health or getting out of a state of deep emotional burnout.”
To maintain life, we all need regular idleness: this is how the body recovers after physical and emotional stress.
It would seem that it could be easier — to do nothing! But for many this task is impossible.
The modern rhythm of life does not imply stops: we are in constant motion, often not paying attention to our needs.
“What are you lying about, nothing to do?”, “Go read a book!”, “Russell! So life will pass by!” — many heard such remarks in childhood, and it seems that parental anxiety for the future was transmitted to us. “To receive recognition, encouragement and love from parents is the need of every child, so he develops a scheme of “correct” behavior: I will be busy with something useful or pretend to be busy, I will be good for dad and mom, I will be praised,” art explains. -therapist Natalya Egorova.
— Such a scheme is fixed in the behavior of the child, and with age, the unconscious, as soon as we lie down on the sofa, gives a signal: you are not good enough! Feelings of guilt and anxiety turn on, which can only be removed by action. And we’re back to business.»
According to the art therapist, in such a situation it is worth agreeing with yourself that now you are no longer a child and you do not need anyone’s permission to relax and do nothing. We can give ourselves that permission.
seal day
In most cases, we find it difficult to disconnect from worries even when we think we are resting. Thoughts, worries, unresolved issues are constantly spinning in my head. We think about past events and future events, forgetting about the present moment, so well and without feeling it.
This tension, physical and emotional, has become so habitual that we hardly notice it.
But sooner or later it exhausts the nervous system and can lead to illness.
How can you help yourself?
“The first thing to do is turn off gadgets and say no to any information, even entertainment,” insists Gestalt therapist Anna Shvedova. – In modern conditions, the brain is overloaded with data, news comes from everywhere in a continuous stream, therefore, information detox is necessary for the full-fledged work of the psyche. Try to walk more often in the fresh air, preferably outside the city or in a park where there is no unnecessary noise, including informational one.
The most difficult way, according to the expert, is “just lying down”. Without gadgets, books, magazines, TV, Internet and music. “To begin with, try just lying down for 15-20 minutes and gradually increase the time interval,” suggests Anna Shvedova. — Try not to think about anything, break the mental chewing gum in your head and focus on your breath. For many, this is not easy, but it is this process that allows the body and brain to truly rest.
Alla Buchkova also supports the idea of a “seal day”: to give yourself a break, you should spend at least a few hours lying in bed. “Slow walks and meditations are also good. You will be surprised how much strength and new ideas you will have after them! continues the family psychologist. “However, do not forget that only a systematic approach brings results, including passive rest, which, like any new activity, you need to get used to.”
The main goal of such a pastime is to be alone with yourself, to switch your attention inward, to your thoughts and feelings. After all, where there is attention, there is energy. And if it is inside, then it becomes easier to find balance and harmony.
The word body!
Holidays and vacations end one day, but rest will be useful on working days, so you should include it in your daily schedule. “Be sure to take five to ten minute breaks during the day,” recalls Natalia Egorova. — Turn off the sound on your smartphone and pay attention to the signals that the body sends: maybe you want to straighten your shoulders, relax your arms or legs, or maybe take a walk. Try to fulfill these desires.»
Our body is a complex self-healing system. However, for recovery, she needs to create conditions and give time. May the “inner parent”, loving and caring, allow us to rest when necessary. After all, things are unlikely to ever end, but they can definitely be put on pause — including unpaid bills and unanswered letters, unprepared reports and unwashed dishes.
“Listen to what the body is asking: do you want to do what you are doing now? — advises co-founder of the project on psychological literacy «Pro balance» Elena Ivanova. Unwanted activities cause us negative emotions. If you do not live through them, then unexpressed anger, fear and anxiety will accumulate and cause tension.
This applies not only to work: communication with others, time spent on the Internet or in front of the TV screen can be a negative incentive. Therefore, you should be more attentive to any incoming information and do not overload yourself. The body is very efficient, it has great potential. But the clamps that arise due to the suppressed emotions with which we react to events prevent it from opening up.
By carefully examining ourselves, we will be able to detect and express them safely: in words, drawings, movements. And then enjoy peace in the soul and peace in the body.