Many people think that jealousy is inseparable from love, but in fact it destroys even the most sincere feelings. It’s not easy to get rid of her. First of all, it is important to understand why it arose, relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins are sure.
Jealousy is an insidious monster that kills relationships. Why do we give in to it? Everyone has their own reasons, according to coaches Suzy and Otto Collins. For example, you saw your predecessor, and now you can’t stop the comparison game. Maybe the mere thought of this woman throws you into a fever, you are afraid of being worse and worried in advance that the partner will return to her, despite the fact that he, for example, regularly calls up and meets with his ex-wife, because they have a common child or they just decided to stay friends.
Often, jealousy flares up against the background of communication with other people, especially if the partner is more sociable than you and is not averse to flirting. Even if he does not take his loving eyes off you, it still seems that there are only competitors around.
Relationship experts note that separation often provokes jealousy attacks. Not everyone manages to fully trust a partner with whom he or she is separated by a distance, and it does not matter whether the separation lasts a couple of hours or a couple of months. Owners by nature have a hard time with the physical absence of their loved ones.
You need to determine why you are jealous, and then look at the situation from the outside.
Another and perhaps the most powerful trigger for jealousy is emotional alienation. Unresolved disagreements, misunderstandings, hidden grievances give rise to jealous thoughts and push for reckless actions.
It is necessary to determine why you are jealous, and then try to calm down and look at the situation from the outside. Whether jealousy is caused by a partner’s past relationships, interactions with others, separation, or alienation, use these five techniques to step back from intrusive thoughts and stop being jealous. Do it for your own health and the well-being of your relationship.
1. Let go of negative feelings
Despair and anxiety do not go away on their own. Instead of shutting down, denying, or banishing your feelings, learn to let them go. Even if everything is boiling inside, there is no need to pounce on a partner. Find a secluded place where you can scream to your heart’s content. This will help you discharge and release repressed emotions.
2. Take a warm bath
Water relieves overexcitation, including those caused by jealousy. If it is unbearable to understand its causes, lie down for half an hour in a warm bath. If you can’t sit still, go for a swim in the nearest pool.
3. Trust the paper
Write down everything you think about your partner’s former passion, flirting, fear that you will be betrayed and abandoned. Write whatever comes to mind, and then highlight the main idea. Try to dispute it. Recall the facts that indicate that your suspicions are groundless.
4. Walk alone
Boiling jealousy can be extinguished. If you’re nervous that your partner is about to meet up with an ex, it’s helpful to walk around a bit and clear your head. While walking, look around, listen to your breathing and sensations with every step. When you calm down and put your thoughts in order, it will become easier to cope with the situation.
5.Love
The longer jealousy is fueled by reproaches, hostility and hatred, the more difficult it is to curb. You don’t like to experience this feeling — it’s too exhausting. But even if you hate certain situations or certain people, negative emotions should not fuel your jealousy. Try to overcome her with sincere love.
Love yourself. Love your partner. Love all your feelings.
Jealousy is an important signal. She tells us: it’s time to slow down and listen to ourselves, understand how we feel and what needs to be done to change it.
About the Authors: Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors of How to Keep the Spark of Love.