Contents
The art of being heard: how to make your opinions matter
Psychology
Active listening, empathy, the ability to negotiate, verbal and non-verbal language, and assertiveness are communication skills that can be improved and honed to make yourself heard.
Why are some people afraid to openly express their opinions? The fact that they do not take us into account, does it have consequences on the psyche and on self-esteem? What characteristics define the people most predisposed to become speakers, ‘influencers’ or opinion makers? The psychologist Sandra Machado, from Mundopsicologos.com, assures that being able to communicate successfully and adaptively depends on a series of communication skills that can be promoted from childhood and that, as with other cognitive skills, can be worked on and perfect on a day-to-day basis. “People who cultivate these skills from an early age and foster them during development have more ease of being heard“, reveals.
Among these skills, first of all, the active listening, that is to say, he listens to her with full attention. Another is the empathy, which will allow us to adopt the perspective of the other and understand what they are experiencing. The ability to negotiate It also influences communication, since it allows the resolution of conflicts in any type of relationship. The nonverbal language it is decisive, especially when it comes to eye contact and body posture; although it also has a lot of weight verbal language , because it is necessary to maintain a coherence between the emotion and the message that we are transmitting, considering the tone of voice, the times and the vocalization. Finally, it is necessary to point out that assertiveness It is part of these communication skills, since it allows us to balance what we want to say and consider the interests of the other person in a respectful way.
Why some people are natural speakers
People who seem to have a facility to be speakers are those who possess or work the aforementioned communication skills. Although there are also other characteristics and traits that can be associated with a speaking person. One of the most important, according to the psychologist, is the self confidence and a good Self esteem, because with these tools you can face the fear of communicating, shyness or anxiety. And is that the control of that anxiety it is key to more effective communication. Also, the fact of having confidence in oneself allows the person to use the rest of the cognitive resources in focusing on the other and the message.
Another trait of the potential orator is sensitivity to capture what the other person needs and the context in which communication takes place, something completely necessary for the process to be effective and that depends on attention and perception. Be able to persuade With the messages we give it is key to be able to negotiate and solve conflicts, a trait also associated with credibility. «People who show credibility in what they say, they generate trust in others ”, according to Sandra Machado.
Why other people are afraid to express their opinion
“Being afraid to openly express a personal opinion can be due to a wide variety of factors. Although most are related to Lack of self confidence and by the Ministry of Home Affairs of the Government of Spain with the low self-esteem, since many people tend to think that what they think does not have enough value to be heard or that they are wrong about it.
These fears and thoughts can originate at any time in development, when a person is not valued for what he says and thinks, and when he is normally not credited. There is what is known as pathological hyper demand, through which the person considers that, if he cannot say anything brilliant, it is better to shut up for fear of external judgment.
There are also cases of people who interpret this exchange of opinions as a open door to conflict, so they try to avoid creating arguments when expressing their ideas. This fear of expressing opinions can also manifest itself through alodoxafobiaIn other words, the phobia or intense fear of communicating their own opinions and listening to the opinions of others due to the fear of judgments by others.
The 5 types of communication barriers
Communication barriers are interferences or obstacles that interfere with the way we interact. Are interferences They can make communication not always a fluid process, distorting or deforming the message that reaches the receiver. Specifically, Machado explains, there are five types of communication barriers:
Semantics. They have to do with the meaning of words. They explain that we do not understand a phrase or a speech.
Psychological. In this case, emotional states can alter the message that is being transmitted. Sympathy, rejection or prejudice can influence how we view others and how their message reaches us.
Physiological. They refer to the alteration of the sense organs. For example, when a person is drunk.
Physical. Factors like noise, light, people around us.
Administrative. They refer to organizational structures. System overload, lack of information or impersonal communication can influence the reception of the message.
The fact that they do not take us into account can have serious consequences on our mental health and our self-esteem. People seek to feel accepted and loved, valued by others and, above all, by those with whom they have a greater relationship. The fact that these people do not take into account their opinions and what they want to express, can be transmitted in multiple ways and almost all negative: generating frustration with oneself and with others for not meeting the supposedly imposed expectations; develop fear of conflict and therefore have poorer problem-solving skills; discredit oneself with the consequence of a continuous damage in self-esteem and in the expression and emotional management, with the risk of developing problems of anxiety and at depression.
People who experience these situations may come to therapy for mood disorders (anxiety and depression), the root of which is not feeling valued by others and, finally, by themselves.
How to make them listen to us
- 1. Express our ideas and opinions bluntly and clearly. For this, it is important to be clear about what we are going to say, be calm and trust ourselves.
- 2. Always maintaining a good education can open many doors for us. For example, showing interest in listening to the other person and taking turns speaking. Being correct is always well received by the person who is listening to us.
- 3. We do not have to be afraid to defend our position with respect, without imposition or aggressiveness.
- 4. Assertiveness. It is a good idea that when we communicate we give value to our words.
- 5. Make pauses in speech and inflections in the tone of the voice, that is, do not maintain a flat tone that may bore the receiver.
- 6. Be patient with others so that if something needs to be explained again, it can be done with kindness.
- 7. Go to a professional, if it is a more serious case in which many communication barriers appear and also, the person is experiencing anxiety or depression because of this problem.