The ability to obey is the basis of smart independence

Do you agree that an obedient child cannot be independent? — Do not rush to agree with this: it is not so. There are four options, take a look:

1) There are obedient children, but they are not able to do anything without the instructions of their parents.

2) There are naughty and completely independent children, such little savages who choose for themselves what to do and from whom they can learn what.

Remember: Dunno, Huckleberry Finn — do you like it?

3) There are naughty and dependent children: they cannot do anything without their parents, but at the same time they do not listen to their parents: they look like an armless stubborn, an ordinary whim.

4) And there are children who treat their parents with great respect, obedient children — and at the same time strong and independent personalities.

Such was, for example, Napoleon Bonaparte: yes, stubborn and impudent, he did not obey his weak-willed father, but his mother Letizia, a strict woman, taught him from childhood to a strict order.

Smart independence of children is a continuation of obedience instilled by wise parents. Both obedience and independence have a common basis — the ability to do what is said: it is said to oneself or said to one’s parents. This skill is not simple, it includes the ability not to be distracted, to keep the direction and be effective in this direction, which in turn implies a certain experience.

If a child does not know how to tie shoelaces, how can he obediently begin to tie them? But it is obedience that makes it possible, following the instructions of the parents, to acquire the necessary experience. If a child starts tying shoelaces not at random, not as he pleases, but as his parents showed and explained, he will quickly learn this skill and will soon be able to do it completely on his own.

Independence does not begin at the moment of removing control and providing complete freedom of action — this is the final stage. Independence begins with a qualitative preparation for this freedom, namely, with the passage of a period of obedience, which contributes to the accumulation of productive experience, with the development of the ability to set goals, to select ways to achieve them!

Do you want your children to be independent? Create conditions for your children to accumulate experience, create conditions for joint decision-making and slowly relinquish control by delegating new powers to them in the mastered area!

But this is only the first stage. From obedience grows only the possibility of independence. Whether an obedient child will turn into an independent one depends largely on the parents, on their attitudes. If parents need a child only comfortable, they, having accustomed him to obedience, will dampen his independence. If parents want to see their child as a free, thinking and creative person, then, having accustomed him to obedience, it is through obedience that they will direct him to bold, free and responsible decisions.

It is not true that all children always want freedom and independence. Many children are cowardly, and without the direction of their parents, they are not very inclined to show independence. It can be beneficial for children to be stupid, it is beneficial for children to be nerds, it is beneficial to get sick … — but if there are wise parents next to the child, they will grow in the right direction. Because the child is obedient, and the parents are wise.