It seemed that nothing foreshadowed this, and suddenly we are informed that our services are no longer needed. And even worse – we accidentally learn about it from third parties. For many, this situation is a disaster. How to get out of a tailspin and survive a sudden dismissal with minimal losses for yourself?
An unexpected resignation causes shock, like any serious loss – the loss of a loved one, an accident, a sudden illness. “It always hurts our illusion of control over the predictability of life,” explains Gestalt therapist Leonid Tretiak. We are brought up in a set of if-conditions: if I behave in a certain way, I will get a certain result. We behave well and expect the same from the world in return. Sometimes the illusion extends to obviously uncontrollable events. And an unexpected turn gives rise to the question, described by the American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross as a “rebellion against God”: “Why do I need this?”.
With a sudden dismissal, you can often hear an outwardly accusatory tone. Especially if the management doesn’t explain anything.” And it is not in vain that the legislation of the Russian Federation provides for two months to notify the employee of the upcoming dismissal.
“For 40-60 days, the system of habitual connections is rebuilt, it is possible to switch to searching for a new one, the schedule, circle of people, work rituals change – from morning coffee and talking in a smoking room to the route,” says Leonid Tretiak. When this temporary backlash is absent, the psyche does not have time to adjust and often the announcement of a dismissal is perceived as a disaster.
Loyal people have the hardest time
The unexpected dismissal is especially difficult for those for whom the work has become hyper-important: for example, great professional and personal ambitions were associated with it. The corporate culture advocated by large companies turns into a serious test for the dismissed. He instantly loses everything that he has been tamed for so long: a social package, support from colleagues, uniforms, common events and holidays. For many of the employees, corporate life overlaps and replaces their own interests and motives, becoming an alternative to the family.
“Now the cult of workaholism is flourishing, people are completely subordinate to the interests of the company, they are ready to sleep for 4 hours, they become dependent on the corporation, its part. Often the fear of being fired prevents you from making ambitious decisions,” continues Leonid Tretiak. — Charged to work employees refuse alternatives. They turn into a driven animal, a squirrel in a wheel, ceasing to be the master of their fate. Management abuses this by managing through chronic guilt.”
Does the reaction to dismissal depend on personality traits? Yes. Although everyone who is suddenly fired experiences shock, there are people who react especially painfully. These are those who, according to the classification of the German psychiatrist Hubertus Tellenbach, belong to the statothymic personality type.
“They don’t have a well-formed self-image and it’s hard to switch. These are loyal, dedicated, most stable and predictable employees, often associating themselves with a professional role. Their daily routine, tastes, attachments may not change for years, for their habit of eating the same food they are also called “herring consumers”. As a rule, these are old-timers of companies who stick to work and internally perceive their own departure as a betrayal. They are extremely vulnerable to loss. Take away their social role – and their whole life will collapse, ”explains the Gestalt therapist.
Weak link
If there is a need to cut one employee in the department, how will the boss choose who to fire? It depends, oddly enough, on the professionalism of the employees. The higher the competence, the greater the guarantee that you will not be touched. But no matter how valuable you are, there is one sin that management will not forgive: excessive ambition and uncontrollability.
“The boss should not feel competition. Often those who are superior in skills to the manager are fired. But if you’re loyal, you’re more likely to survive. They willingly part with passive-aggressive colleagues – those who quietly ignore tasks, miss deadlines, and cause confusion in the team, – explains Leonid Tretyak. – Bosses like to comply with the requirements of the hierarchical instinct. And they easily part with the “black sheep” who destroy the whole flock.
When we admit in our hearts that this work is already cramped for us, we show less enthusiasm.
But the offer to write a letter of resignation does not always sound so unexpected to us. “We often ourselves“ broadcast to the Universe ”some messages,” says psychologist-acmeologist Ekaterina Smirnova. — When we admit in the depths of our hearts that this work is already cramped for us and it is time to move on, we show less enthusiasm and interest. And sometimes we openly share our dissatisfaction. And it is read by others.” Ekaterina Smirnova suggests considering dismissal, like any crisis, as an opportunity for personal growth.
Know how to be grateful
After dismissal, it is very important to do a general cleaning, completing relationships with people and space, says psychologist-acmeologist Ekaterina Smirnova.
“If we want to let something new in, then we need to get rid of the old. And do not be afraid if at this moment some kind of emergency starts to happen, things break down, even an illness happens. This is how the “principle of tithing” works, when consciously or unconsciously, through life situations, we give something of value. And then we will certainly get something in return. It is imperative to take stock and thank those who gave us wisdom, added experience and patience to us. “You can say words of gratitude personally, or you can write a letter and send it to your “teacher”, because everyone who meets on the way teaches us something. Coming out of a battle with a strong opponent, even after losing, we become stronger than we were when we entered the battle. We must also say thank you to the place where we spent so much time.
Another important lesson: let go of control and feel the integrity of yourself and life. “When we hold on to something, our hands are full and we cannot reach out into the future. If we cling to work and see the meaning of life only in it, then another side of it passes by – perhaps it is family, love, hobbies.
In overcoming the crisis, the old tools do not work, so we try to do everything in a new way and live in step with the times: master gadgets, communication systems, hone our professionalism and enjoy life, if we haven’t done it before. In the East they say: a black stripe is given before takeoff. It is worth looking around and assessing who surrounds us – is this the team with which we want to take off? Perhaps it’s time to explore new territories and find new contacts. If we want creativity, we surround ourselves with creative people.
Be ready! Always ready!
But, of course, not everyone can predict their own dismissal. How to lay straws? How to support yourself, if it did happen? Climbers have a rule: before climbing, think about how you will descend. “It is necessary to insure against dismissal from the moment of the device. Many do not do this, says Leonid Tretyak. – Make it a rule to prepare a financial safety cushion so that you can, when taking into account mortgages and loans, painlessly not work for six months. This will give freedom, because many are afraid of being fired precisely because of the debt shackles and the fear of not being able to cope with obligations.”
This creates a passive attitude. And the one who behaves proactively, thinks through alternatives, asks the question: “Why am I here, what does it give me, how much do I grow, develop, do I receive a salary adequate to the costs?” With this attitude, it is easier to accept any changes. Another part of the airbag is a hobby. It is talents and hobbies that we do not show in our work that can for some time become an alternative source of employment and even income.
Turn your job search into a job, treat it like an alternative employment
“Our happiness is determined by procedural pleasure. And this is not always connected with money, status. Ideally, our morphology should match our social role. But if this is not the case, the hobby reflects tendencies that are not used in the work, says the Gestalt therapist. A famous example is Julio Iglesias. He interrupted his sports career after an injury, and he was advised to turn to his old passion – singing. No one remembers a football player with that name, but his voice has become a world heritage.
If, nevertheless, the dismissal has occurred, it is worth keeping the rigid structure of the day as much as possible. Be sure to include physical activity that neutralizes the stress hormone cortisol, fill your life with those things that bring pleasure now and that you have been putting off for a long time. Take advantage of the pause to fill in the gaps in knowledge and skills – sign up for short-term courses, study languages, music, carving, the gestalt therapist recommends.
“Follow the principle “water does not flow under a lying stone.” I know such examples when a person draws up a resume for three or four months from the moment of dismissal. Turn your job search into a job, treat it like an alternative job. Make a list of your strengths. Schedule multiple interviews a week and learn how to sell yourself.”