“I feel like I’m ovulating. I looked at Cécile, my wife, incredulously. We were back from the clinic at Madrid airport, 4 hours after his insemination. She looked so sure of herself that I too felt it was good. She was right. The insemination had worked the first time. It had taken us a long way, both personally and as a couple, to get there.
I met Cécile eleven years ago. She’s six years younger than me. We had been together for two weeks, when she asked me if I wanted children. I answered yes spontaneously. We let a few years pass, then as I approached my forties, I felt an urgency to do so. Very quickly, the question of the “father” arose. We thought, so that our child could later have access to his origins, to do an “artisanal *” insemination with a known donor. But when we met potential donors, we realized that it wasn’t right for us to involve a third party.
After that, we didn’t talk about it for a year and a half. And one morning, just before leaving for work, in the bathroom, Cécile told me: “I want to have a child and I want to carry it… before I turn 35. Her birthday was a few months later. I replied: “That’s good, I want a child who looks like you. The project was launched. But where to go? France did not allow it for couples of women. In the countries of the North where the donors are not anonymous, few men agree to actually meet the children resulting from their donation. We left on an anonymous donor. We chose Spain. After a first Skype appointment, we had to do exams, but my gynecologist at the time refused to follow us. We found another, super benevolent, who agreed to accompany us.
When I arrived in Madrid, I thought I was in an Almodóvar film: all the caring staff, very friendly, speak French with a Spanish accent and talk to you. The first pregnancy test, 12 days later, was negative. But we said to ourselves: we’ll do another one tomorrow. And the next day, when we saw the two bars appear, we were strangely calm. We knew from the start that it had worked. In the fourth month of pregnancy, when I said I had no preference, when I knew it was a little girl, it upset me. The law for marriage for all had been passed for almost two years. So, three weeks before the birth, I married Cécile at the town hall of the 18th arrondissement, in front of our families and friends. The delivery went really well. Cléo, from birth, was beautiful and looked like her mother. At the time of the first bath, 12 hours later, when the nurse asked us if we wanted another one, I said: “Oh no! “And Cécile, at the same time, despite her episiotomy and her tear, exclaimed:” Yes, of course! “.
It was a long battle. I had plenty of arguments. I thought I was too old, I was about to turn 45. And it was the distress of my wife, who wanted two children, that decided me to say yes to her. We went back to Spain, and again it worked the first time. In addition, we were able to use the same donor, from whom we had reserved a sample. When we found out it was a little boy, we felt very fulfilled. Finally a little guy to complete our tribe of women! And we gave him the first name Nino, which we had thought of from the start for a little guy.
PMA for all would make it possible to get out of the current hypocrisy, and also to give everyone the same opportunities. Today, single or homosexual women who want a child must have the budget to do so. Fortunately, things are progressing, since soon, the bill concerning the extension of ART to all women will be presented to Parliament. This would make it possible to legitimize the desire for children of lesbian couples and single women in the eyes of the general public. Moreover, as we know, once a law is passed, the debate no longer takes place. This would be a way of fighting against the risks of exclusion and the difficulties of the children concerned in accepting their difference. “
* The donor’s sperm is injected by a syringe (without a needle) directly into the vagina at the time of ovulation.
Editor’s note: This testimony was collected before the vote on the Bioethics law, which allows the extension of assisted reproduction to couples of women and to single women.