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Skin-to-skin, long breastfeeding, babywearing in a sling, co-sleeping… Practices as old as the world, which are attracting more and more parents in France. Availability required!
Let baby cry? It is niet, for the followers of the proximal mothering. A fashionable mode of education that wants to offer maximum closeness to young children, via skin-to-skin, long breastfeeding, carrying in a sling or co-sleeping. “In most countries of the world, infants stay with their mother as long as they are not weaned,” recalls psychologist and anthropologist Blandine Bril *, from the École des Hautes Etudes en Sciences Sociales (EHESS).
What is proximal mothering, or intensive mothering?
Like positive parenting, proximal mothering (also called intensive mothering) is gaining more and more popularity in France. A trend that comes from the United States, where it was carried by American pediatrician William Sears, author of the expression «attachment parenting». Its main philosophy is to strengthen to the maximum the mother-child bond, through an almost constant physical proximity. Long breastfeeding, carrying in a sling, benevolent education and co-sleeping should provide the child with a emotional and physical security maximum. With the stated benefit, optimal self-confidence for the child.
The benefits of proximal mothering
In the West, this tradition was lost from the 1990th century for reasons of hygiene and the development of women’s work. Before regaining ground in the XNUMXs, thanks to the attachment theory,developed by the English psychiatrist John Bowlby. His thesis? The more a baby lives in symbiosis with his parents (especially his mother) during his first months of life, the more he will feel confident in exploring the world. Very attractive on paper, this approach to parenthood requires such availability that it is not always easy to apply to the letter, nor to reconcile with a full-time job.
These mothers practiced proximal mothering: they tell us
The testimony of Rebecca, mother of Nohé, 22 months: “It is sometimes a bit exhausting. “
“Mothering did not facilitate Nohé’s entry into a nanny. He is a child who stays very stuck, which is sometimes a little exhausting. I accept it because I did what I thought was best for my son, but this way of life, which requires a great deal of availability from the mother, may not be suitable for everyone. “
The testimony of Claire, mother of Louis, 10, Léon, 5, and Lino, 4 and a half months: “It’s a real gift of self. “
“As a young mother, I listened to the ‘advice’ of those around me, but I quickly felt that it was neither natural nor logical for me. With my second and especially with my last, I chose to trust my instinct as a mother. It took a lot of energy to meet their needs as well as possible, a real gift of myself, but I got a lot more personal satisfaction from it. My partner has always given me free rein, even if he has had a little more trouble finding his place. “
The testimony of Elisa, mother of Gemma, 22 months: “I found a good compromise which allowed me to get back to work. “
“I didn’t want to part with my daughter too quickly for fear of depriving myself of a big part of the pleasure of being a mother. But I did not see myself putting my professional life on hold for two years either… I therefore chose to return to work after six months, while continuing to express my milk, to practice co-sleeping and to wear it as much. as possible. It was a good compromise. “
The testimony of Céline, mother of Marie, 3 years old: “My daughter’s need for closeness is vital. “
“Of course, you can practice proximal mothering and work, go out or take time for yourself. On condition of moving forward in stages and giving priority to the needs of the child. Leaving a whole day when baby is 2 months old is too much. At this age, the only thing he knows is our smell and our voice. Its need for proximity is vital. Marie was never alone with her grandparents until she asked for it when she was 2 years old. It is important to respect her rhythm so that she feels reassured. “
The testimony of Suzanne, mother of Apollin, 2 and a half years old, and Octave, 9 months: “Natural mothering made my son very independent! “
“Proximal mothering only helps. No need for a bottle or stroller. We travel light! But we can also practice proximal mothering by giving the bib. We must therefore promote close proximity with our child. My boys having been breastfed and carried a lot, I was told that they would be pots of glue. It’s the opposite. My eldest is autonomous and very independent. “
The testimony of Émilie, mother of Nayla, 7 months: “I carry her against me whenever I can. “
“I was brought up with the idea that adults were always right and I especially did not want to reproduce this education with my daughter. I wanted Nayla to be able to make her own choices and decide for herself what was right for her. My daughter does not have a deckchair, a high chair, a park, or a baby walker. I wear it whenever I can and practice sign language with it. If I don’t understand her crying, I apologize and continue to rock her to soothe her. For me, it’s a matter of respect. “
* Co-author of “Materner, from the first cry to the first steps” (ed. Odile Jacob)