Testimonials: “I became a very young mother”

“It happened to me to take Clément on the benches of the university!” »: Bénédicte 37 years old, mother of Clément (17 years old), Colombe (13 years old), Joseph (10 years old) and Marius (4 years old)

“We were students. We had known each other for five years, but we had been together for three or four months. After 10 days of late period, I took a test in the toilet at the college. We had taken our precautions, but there is always a margin of error … My girlfriend was waiting for me outside. It was positive. A wall collapsed, it was the worst day of my life. I come from a hyper Catholic family, I was completely panicked. I wanted to continue my studies to become a journalist, to continue going out, I was only 19 years old.

The reaction of our parents was violent

I ran to tell Christophe who was in class nearby. He was optimistic, much more determined than me. He has always been my mainstay and trusted me from the start. For a week, we reflected, talked with a priest and our families. It was more the question of the couple than of the child. To terminate the pregnancy was to put our relationship at risk. And then there was the weight of guilt. I could not have taken this decision. The reaction of my parents and especially of my older brothers was violent. They were angry, worried, moralizing. My mother quickly adopted a gentler attitude to support me. Even today, I feel indebted and sometimes his eternal little girl… The rest was complicated. Some friends have cried foul. The hardest part was that they questioned my choice to keep the baby, while I asked for support. I continued my classes focusing on the present. I was not projecting myself at all. I was aiming for my exams. I passed my license, my BAFA. My stomach was invisible.

When I got on vacation, my mother was shocked to see me so petite. Two days later, probably because I was with my family and the university year was over, my stomach literally “came out”. It was unbelievable. I gave birth three weeks later, ahead of schedule. Once out of the maternity ward, Christophe and I looked at each other: “And now, what are the instructions for use?”. And we went back inside to get advice on how to make a bottle… I was happy, but I couldn’t breastfeed, I didn’t feel like a mother yet.

We moved into an apartment loaned by my grandfather. Our parents paid us everything. Our friends pampered Clément because he was the only baby in the gang. I resumed classes to pass a license and my CAPES which would allow me to become a teacher. It was a tough time. I juggled between revisions and Clément. It happened to me to take him on the benches of the amphitheatres! Impossible to have a place in nursery for a student mother. It was difficult for others to look at it, in the parks, on the bus, everywhere… All the more so at 23, I looked 14… I didn’t feel legitimate, I cried often.

What is the user manual?

Over time, everything is back to normal. Christophe and I passed our exams. We started to work and to gain our independence. We got married in church. When Colombe was born, I “became a mother”, at last. What is certain is that I immediately liked Clément, as soon as I had him in my arms. I improvised a lot, but I had a hell of a fishing. Giving birth at age 20 is a joke. I can compare with the last one I had at 33! For Clément, I recovered very quickly from everything, the episiotomy, the short nights. And the other huge advantage of very young pregnancy is the little difference in age with the child and especially the teenager. He never finds me offbeat, “suck”. We are very close friends. “

>>> To read also:“I love being pregnant”

“I was told: ‘And that wants to play big!’ »: Virginie, 20 years old, mother of Ethan, 8 months old

“Simon and I had been together for two and a half years. I was on a contract assisted in a nursery and he, a student in license. We had this project to become parents, but in the long term. We didn’t really pay attention. When I first felt the symptoms, I thought it was fatigue. Simon urged me to see a doctor. In the analysis laboratory, it was the secretary who read the result to me. I took a hell of a blow to the head! But I remember smiling too… Actually, I was scared but I was very happy to have this chance to be pregnant. My father thought it was “not a good idea” and my mother asked me a lot of questions: “Are you sure you are not getting into a mess?”.

But in the end my parents supported me

Simon himself “fell from three floors”, he was very surprised, he couldn’t get over it. He did not tell his mother about it (he lived with her). He was reluctant to continue the pregnancy. After a month of indecision, I took the bull by the horns: “Shall we keep it or not?”. I, after seeing him on the ultrasound, couldn’t help it, the attachment was already too strong. To announce it to my colleagues, I had written a riddle on the board in the break room. They realized that one of us was expecting a baby, but no one thought it could be me! The pregnancy was not easy. Physically, I had a hell of a peach, but morally, it was hard. I was going to have to give up my training. Simon still wanted to keep the news from his mother. He was going to have to let go of his license to work sooner than expected. I was asking myself lots of questions about the future, but I didn’t dare talk about it: since I had wanted this baby, I was not going to complain. But the worst was the eyes of others. I remember in the tram a passenger who said to the other while talking about me “And that wants to play big!”.

People don’t realize the impact of their words. I felt like I was being judged. I was very angry. The reaction from Simon’s mom (who finally heard the news when I was 8 months pregnant!) Was also very violent. “You won’t be able to raise it. Your child will not be happy ”, are phrases that hurt me a lot. Fortunately, since birth, things are pretty much back to normal. With Simon’s mom, we exchanged an icy look when she arrived at the maternity ward, but everything returned to normal between us when she saw Ethan’s face. So, I decided to make an effort. Simon has found a job. We moved closer to my parents. We took an apartment together.

The first difficult weeks

And then, I learned to become a mother. At the very beginning, I did not realize: “This baby is cute, but whose is it?”. I had lived my pregnancy almost in hiding, without really investing myself, on the reserve. The first few weeks were trying. My mom helped me out a bit, but mostly I was on my own. Simon slowly returns to his role of dad, but at first he struggled to help me, he wasn’t ready. Even today, I am depressed. As soon as I have to answer questions from a doctor or from the PMI for example. I always feel like I’m being tested. As for the baby blues, even if I lived it, I always felt that I was not really entitled to it… Fortunately I found mothers of the same age as me on Facebook groups. It really helped me not to feel alone in this situation anymore. I gained self-confidence, I have repartee when I think about it. I am convinced that there are 20-year-old moms who have more on their shoulders than 30-year-old moms! “

>>> To read also:“We live with a homoparental family”

“At 21, our couple was not mature enough. »: Stéphanie 36 years old, mother of Axel (14 years old) and Iris (6 and a half years old).

“At home, we are four children, from three different fathers. I have seen my father three times in my life. And my stepfathers had a few flaws… No doubt this family story marked me and made me want to start a family as quickly as possible. I met Arnault when I was 15, at a bus stop on my way to college. He is an only child and his parents are still together after 45 years of marriage. It was the first time a boy had taken an interest in me. I couldn’t believe it. Me, who felt so self-conscious about my prosthetic eye (I was the victim of an accident at the age of 5)… For years, I thought that they would never want me. So when Arnault told me I love you …

I quickly took the pill, met his parents. His family has become somewhat mine. After four years of relationship, they decided to move to Brittany. At the beginning, we followed them (Arnault worked as a carpenter with his father), but in the end we preferred to return to the Val d’Oise. We rented an F2, we worked (I was an accountant), we had a dog. Then we really wanted to have a baby. I thought it would take a lot longer! Faced with the positive pregnancy test, I was stunned, quite carefree too. For example, on the cost of childcare, I did not realize the budget that had to be planned. That’s part of why I became a childminder when Axel was born. I also wanted to stay with him. I love taking care of babies. I was not afraid. I was 17 when my mother was pregnant with my little brother. And I attended a lot of births during my internships to become a maternal assistant.

Arnault suffered from being out of touch with his friends. He wanted to go out

My mother was happy, not distraught at all. On the other hand, my stepfather took the news badly. For him, it was a way of “putting a noose around the neck” of his son. He worried “You can’t live your whole life eating just one fruit!”

Before Axel was born, Arnault had an affair that he immediately admitted to me. It was hard. Fortunately, my pregnancy was going well apart from the extra pounds … I gave birth six years to the day after our first kiss. The birth was complicated. Bleeding, cesarean… but Axel was in good health. I had almost thirty visits to the maternity ward! And how many gifts, how many sneakers? He was our friends’ mascot. The first three years were idyllic. We were so proud of our son. However, the period that followed was more difficult. Arnault suffered from being out of touch with his friends. He wanted to go out, his youth called him… I let him go on vacation for a month without us, have a good time. On his return, he felt that I had become a little closer to a colleague and that he could also lose me… For my second pregnancy, everything was different. Lots of little ailments, but a perfect birth. And above all, a much more mature couple. Arnault loves his children and plays a lot with them… ”

“I was proud of my stomach. I have never regretted my choice. »: Séverine, 37 years old, mother of Antony (20 years old), Andrea (11 years old), Tuscany (6 years old). 

“I lived in the Parisian suburbs. I didn’t really like college. I had a lover in Italy in a small seaside village where my father lived (my parents are separated). Davis was four years older than me. He was already making a living. I had seen him during school holidays since I was 14. When I was 16, I left to work as a waitress all summer with him. We were very much in love. After two months, I got pregnant. I hadn’t protected myself, I didn’t think it could come so quickly. I was pretty carefree. And in my mind, if that happened, it wasn’t a disaster.

I still wanted to have fun, I was only 16 years old …

I was not wrong. There was no particular obstacle to becoming a parent, so no questions to ask yourself when faced with a positive pregnancy test. Davis was happy, not distraught at all. We were going to keep working and just take care of our baby. The difficult moment was the announcement of the pregnancy to my parents. My father was angry, but above all very worried like my mother whom I warned by phone and who came 24 hours later to “talk to me” But once the shock had passed, we reassured them about our material situation and the climate has relaxed. We were even rather supported by our families, who looked after the little one from time to time so that we could go out for a bit. I wanted to manage on my own, but still wanted to have fun. I was only 16… Davis’ grandmother lent us her apartment at first. I felt a little apart in the village. A blonde girl, so young, who arrives in this region, it was already original. Then pregnant But in Italy, nobody ever lectured me. On the side of my friends in France either. I must say that I have a very strong character, so maybe that they did not dare… I rounded myself up, I was very proud. The pregnancy was difficult from 6 months because I had renal colic and my delivery took place under cesarean section. Then, I learned to take care of Antony, without running, because I didn’t work and we lived in an idyllic setting a few meters from the beach. I was also lucky to have experience with children since my two little sisters were born when I was already 12 years old.

My son and his father are always very close

After Antony’s 3 years, Davis and I parted ways, making sure to stay on “good terms”. I took an apartment near his house, I started working again. I wanted to return to France when Antony was going to enter CP. It was a complicated and difficult time for her dad and grandparents, but we ended up finding a balance. Davis and Antony never stopped seeing each other, on every occasion Antony flew to see his father. They are always very close, almost fusional. Later, I met Stéphane, with whom I had two children. I raise all three in the same way, but it is sure that for Antony’s friends, I am a little bit special mother, whom they watch in amazement. Not long ago, a school supervisor asked me for my correspondence book at the entrance… And I must admit that it is rather nice! “