Do you know love? Do you know freedom? Do you aspire to one, to the other, by having a precise definition of each? I thought I knew everything about everything. I didn’t know anything. Neither risk, nor momentum, nor true freedom. It was my mother’s life that taught me that.
I was married to Nicolas, we had six wonderful children. And then one day we missed something. We asked ourselves the question of the next child, a seventh: and why not? Quite quickly, the idea to adopt arrived. This is how in 2013, we welcomed Marie. Marie is a child with Down’s syndrome whom we have chosen to welcome despite the warnings, the sidelong glances… Yes, we are fertile, so what is the point of adopting? We were looked at like crazy. A child with a disability, too! We fought fiercely to one day obtain the right to welcome our little Marie. Do not necessarily choose the ease so that everything continues to run as usual, and the immense comfort of everyday life without any real surprises. I discovered that it is not always the desire that should dictate our life, and that the choice is essential. Wouldn’t it be a bit easy to just be on track? Derailing, sometimes, is the best way to go straight.
Everyone agreed and, many times, we were promised the loss of balance in our beautiful family because of the presence of a different child. But different from who? Enough to ? Marie has the same encephalogram, whether she is sleeping or awake: the medical crystal ball also predicted little progress for her, if any… Today, Marie is 4 years old. She knows how to “roronette”, a word she uses with relish to refer to her scooter. She slips, she moves forward. She has made us move forward so much too… tasting each novelty a thousand times more powerfully than us. Seeing him taste his first glass of soda was overwhelming. The pleasure takes such a magnitude with her! She knew how to establish a bond with each member of the family. And show us all that the difference is not what we imagine. The difference between her and us is quite simply that Marie has something more. To live is not to remain on one’s achievements and on one’s certainties. True love is the one who sees the truth of the other, and this is what happened to us with her, and all the people with a greater or lesser handicap that we discovered afterwards. One day, Marie was angry and I saw her address something invisible. I walked over and understood that she was berating a fly that had landed on her food. She said everything she had on her heart to this fly which was pecking at her plate. His fresh gaze, so new and fair on things, so true too, opened my thoughts, my feelings, to infinity. Simply ! We are like this, we have to do it like this… Well no. Others do otherwise, and the norm is nowhere. Life is not magic, it teaches. Yes, we can absolutely talk to a fly!
Based on this wonderful experience, Nico and I decided to adopt another child and that’s how Marie-Garance arrived. Same story. We would have been refused it too. Another disabled child! After two years, we finally had a deal and our children jumped for joy. We explained to them that Marie-Garance does not eat like us, but by gastrostomy: she has a valve in the abdomen, on which a small tube is plugged during meals. Her health is very fragile, we know, but when we met her for the first time, we were struck by her beauty. No medical record had told us that until then, his features, his beautiful face.
Her first outing, I did it face to face with her, and when I found myself pushing her stroller on a dirt road, immediately blocked by a too heavy harness, I felt fear take hold of me and the want to give up everything. Will I know how to manage this heavy handicap on a daily basis? Panicked, I remained inert, watching the cows graze in the neighboring field. And suddenly I looked at my daughter. I hoped to find in his gaze the strength to continue, but his gaze was so closed that I realized that I was not at the end of my troubles. I took to the road again, a road so bumpy that the stroller rattled, and there, finally, Marie-Garance burst out laughing! And I cried ! Yes, it is not reasonable to embark on such an adventure, but reasonable love means nothing. And I agreed to let myself be guided by Marie-Garance. OK, it’s difficult to take care of a different child who needs very special medical care, but from that day on, the doubt never filled me again.
Our last two daughters are not our two differences, but the ones that have really changed our lives. Concretely, Marie allowed us to understand that each being is different and has its peculiarities. Marie-Garance is very fragile physically and has little autonomy. We also know her time is running out, so she made us understand the finiteness of life. Thanks to her, we learn to savor the everyday. We are not in fear of the end, but in the construction of the present: it is time to love, immediately.
Difficulties are also a way of experiencing love. This experience is our life, and we must accept to live stronger. Moreover, soon, Nicolas and I will welcome a new child to dazzle us.