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Smirnov Alexey — psychiatrist, psychotherapist, doctor of the highest category, candidate of medical sciences. Gestalt Therapist (EAGT certified). Employee of the advisory department of the Moscow Research Institute of Psychiatry, Ministry of Health. Psychotherapist of the Institute of Psychotherapy and Clinical Psychology and MGI. 14 years of clinical practice. Moscow. Source — http://rubstein.livejournal.com/164153.html
Since childhood, I have often heard a wonderful phrase: «The law is not written for fools, if it is written, then it is not read, if it is read, then it is not understood, if it is understood, then it is not so.» The more I live, the more I am amazed at its truth, now, for brevity, replacing it with the fact that «if something can be understood wrongly, then it will be understood wrongly.» At the same time, “but we were told so” will always be given as an excuse. This eternal misfortune of all teachers fully extends to Gestalt. This text is an attempt to bring together the most common misunderstandings of the Gestalt approach, gleaned from my own experience and conversations with other participants in the training programs.
Myth one
About feelings.
Felt a feeling — express it!
So, the first — Gestalt teaches us that it is necessary to express feelings! Yes, of course, in group or individual therapy, coaches and therapists often repeat, “how are you feeling right now?” «Express it, say it!» As a result, there is a feeling that feelings are some kind of self-sufficient value in Gestalt and its expression should greatly change the world for the better. In fact, expression of feelings is not an end in itself, but is designed to 1) improve the client’s sense of their own feelings (if this is a problem); 2) improve communication with insufficient self-presentation (only with insufficient); 3) recognize the need behind the feeling. The third, in fact, the most important, since the endless “I’m angry with you”, although they are a step forward compared to “something I have a headache”, but in fact they advance just as little if the logical question “what do you want? » causes a bewildered reaction «show feelings …». What for? That’s how they taught…
Second myth
About needs.
Feel the need to satisfy her!
This is how the rumor is born that Gestalt therapists reduce the human to the animal, and they themselves — such sociopathic types — did what they wanted. It wasn’t like that, it wasn’t like that. Of course, a neurotic, squeezed by retroflection and introjects, having seized upon therapy, will perceive everything in this way, but…. And this, but, very significantly, the Gestalt approach calls to be aware of the needs, and not to satisfy them. Got it — good. Now choose whether to satisfy or wait, and if so, how.
The third myth
Again about needs.
If I want something, then it is something that I lack. Indeed, we grew up in a country of scarcity, lack. And by inertia we continue, feeling the desire to identify it as a need to receive something. And we strive to receive — more love, more money, more success, more attention. The result is obesity, disgust and depreciation. Occasionally they remember the need to get rid of something. I don’t want this, it bothers me, I want to make sure that this doesn’t happen. The result is calm, but somehow boring. So, just in case, try another third option — to give someone something, to share, to create, just like that, because you want it. Will you suddenly like it?
Fourth myth
About spontaneity.
Actually, this is the development of myths numbered 1 and 2. Long live spontaneity! Let’s be alive and spontaneous like children! That’s what Perls taught! Give enuresis as the highest manifestation of spontaneity and authenticity! Hooray!!! Familiar? Yes. Do you want to make a free, uninhibited psychopath out of a zatyukanny, suffering neurotic, from whom others will suffer, and as a result, then he himself will begin to suffer again? Forward. Teach him to express to others all the feelings that he experiences and to perform all the actions that he wants. Happened? Hooray! Another compromise of the Gestalt approach has come out into the world. No, it’s not for nothing that psychoanalysts still warn their clients that until the therapy is over, they should not make any serious decisions in business and personal life.
In fact, spontaneity is when all this also has an optimal form in this world, in a given situation and at a given moment in time. In particular, it may turn out that at a given moment in time and in a given situation, the most optimal and most spontaneous would be to be patient and wait for a more opportune moment (but not for long, of course). True spontaneity is always voluntary, which is what distinguishes it from involuntary impulsivity.
Fifth myth
About self-sufficiency.
I want to become a self-sufficient person, so that I don’t depend on anyone or anything, tell me how can I achieve this?! This request in one form or another haunts probably all psychologists and psychotherapists. Some even try to teach it. How to achieve this? Yes, no way! This is impossible, a living person cannot be absolutely independent, he does not exist on his own, but in the field / environment that surrounds him and his task is to learn to be aware of this and use it again consciously. This is what Gestalt teaches, but often to no avail.
Myth Six
About acceptance.
I must be accepted for who I am! There must be someone who will do it! People are happy to stumble upon the thesis of the paradoxical principle of change in Gestalt therapy, i.e. that change occurs when I accept what is in me as it is. Yes, I accept, but I’m not PROUD of it! Agree that there are two big differences between accepting what it is and that it is so and being proud of it or admiring it. And not to mention the fact that the adoption of qualities does not at all lead to the adoption of actions in which these qualities are expressed. That. the famous Rogers-Christian, «every man is good» needs to be supplemented «but he can behave like the last beast.» Acceptance in gestalt means only the recognition of the reality of this and the existence of this at the moment, but not the acceptance that it will continue to exist in the same form. “Yes, I accept that you are like this now, and now be kind enough to do it differently or get out of here!” is true acceptance in Gestalt therapy.
Seventh myth
About understanding.
I must understand the other and/or I must be understood.
Happiness is when you are understood. All people strive for this happiness, and novice therapists strive to make their future clients happy with this. People! Understanding is the process of forming a gestalt! Those. this is the selection of a certain figure from the background and conveying it as a message to another! No one except the client can carry out this process! And the therapist can only support the client in doing this. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. An experienced or well-feeling therapist is able to go through this process within himself faster than the client and guess what this path might be and how it should end. But is it good for the client? Will this help him learn to be understood and become understood?
Myth Eight
About self-disclosure.
In psychotherapy, you have to open up, and it is so difficult, so scary and so painful! I’m so afraid of it!
You are right to be afraid. Because in psychotherapy it is not necessary to open up, it is necessary to present. And those are two big differences. The metaphor of disclosure involves the creation of a gap in the boundary through which the outside world in the form of a therapist and / or other members of the group gets the opportunity to freely penetrate into the inner world of a person. Feeling horrified? Yeah. And how then to be? And it’s very simple. They took that part of their inner world, made a cast, an image, a description from it and took it outside, outside, beyond their borders and presented it to others. Here, look, I have it there so that it reminds you, what ideas do you have, how do you like it? And if they start poking around too actively, groping, devaluing, criticizing, then they are immediately dealt with: “I didn’t ask you about this!”
Myth Nine
About values.
Values? So this OK introject!
Yes, that’s exactly what I heard in one of the Gestalt therapy training groups. In short, if you see Buddha, kill him! No, of course, it also happens that the set of “values” that a person possesses does not really belong to him and is perceived by him as something objectively important for all people in the world. So they say, “but this is important, this is necessary, it’s accepted, it’s the same for everyone.” But values are completely different. This is mine, individual, this is what I love, what I chose to adhere to, what I am ready to fight and die for, because without it I will no longer be me. In some schools of Gestalt therapy, little attention is paid to this. With the light hand of Perls, «character», as something stable, constant, stable, became synonymous with pathological. However, he had in mind something completely different — habits, stereotypes, first of all, really imposed from the outside. But before the experience that a person acquires in life himself and learns to appreciate it, he simply did not reach his hands. Thank God, Isidor Fromm was also there.
And so, do not forget that the self function exists in three modes id, ego and person. Without a person (experience, values, ideas about oneself and the world), a person becomes mentally unstable, he simply does not know on the basis of what he should make a choice, what to prefer in a difficult situation, and finally long-term projects and relationships are not available to him. The cycle of contact ends not with a full contact (final contact), but with a post-contact, on which it actually turns out what I did, how I did it, how I do it, who I am after that and whether it is worth doing this in the future.
Myth ten
About interruptions of the contact cycle.
Contact cycle interruptions are evil and must be fought! The ideal, well-treated person is devoid of interruptions in the contact cycle. Demonstrating interruptions in the cycle of contact in a Gestalt society is indecent. Here.
Hmm. And no matter how hard they try, how they don’t write that interrupting the contact cycle is not bad at all, it’s just the phases of the contact cycle, all to no avail. So, once again, in fact, at first a person is at a neutral point — the essence of merging, then he leaves it, then introjection of a part of the environment occurs, energy and / or information is received, which is processed (chewed) and taken as a constant, then a person projects, those. expresses some assumptions about the world, in the context of his needs, then makes a choice and, if necessary, retroflexes (doing to himself what he cannot receive from the environment at the moment), or suppresses those of his intentions or desires that will be inappropriate in this context. Finally, at the end, he can stand for a while before making contact in egotism, feeling his power over whether to fulfill his need or not, to make contact or not, finally having a sense of arbitrariness, so necessary for genuine spontaneity. Then again enter into the merging of the contact with the object. He can dissipate excess energy along the way with the help of diflexion.
And so the advice to beginner Gestaltists, if you are told with contempt or reproach, you are now projecting (introjecting, retroflexing, diflexing, merging, masturbating, etc.). Turn around and proudly answer, “Yes, I know! So what?».