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Gifts are different. It is also important in them how exactly we present them: how confident we feel at the same time, what measure of fantasy and taste we put into the ritual itself. French psychologist Maryse Vaillant deciphered for us some of the most common types of behavior.
What was lacking
In childhood, there were things that we passionately dreamed about, but never got: a bicycle, a doll, an electric train … In the first years of life, the child perceives this as the inability of parents to give him the love he needs so much.
As adults, we sometimes accept gifts of things that bear the mark of these gifts not received in childhood. The person who gives them, in fact, presents us with unfulfilled love, which he lacked so much.
A question that may be touching: Perhaps this dream is still relevant to him?
A practical gift
A mixer, a drill, an expander, a cake spatula… Such useful gifts are most often disappointing. And the point is not only that the one who chooses them does not invest in them either feelings or fantasies. Sometimes gifts of this kind in encrypted form carry rather tactless messages.
A hair dryer for a wife, a vacuum cleaner for a daughter-in-law – in the desire to practically help your loved ones, it is easy to read a hint of the flaws in their appearance, lack of talents or earthiness of interests.
Question that can upset: Who needs all this and why?
Loaded Gifts
Against our will, they put the burden of responsibility on us: a kitten that we did not ask for, an aquarium that requires laborious care …
In addition, perhaps the purpose of a gift with a double bottom is to question our authority: for example, a grandmother gives her grandson a thing that his parents refused to buy. Or deprive us of the pleasure of choosing and buying ourselves something very personal.
An annoying question: if they don’t let me breathe freely even on a holiday, then in what way am I free at all?
luxury gifts
Presenting “royal” gifts to loved ones, such a person essentially declares his exclusivity, by the breadth of his gestures he elevates himself above the crowd. Sometimes exorbitant generosity directly indicates the donor’s desire to dominate others, to gain power over them. Few people will sympathize with, say, a girl who is showered with jewels by a fan. But still…
A question that can be embarrassing: What role does a benefactor claim to play in your life?
Nothing or something insignificant
Often, behind the mask of a miser, a vulnerable and vulnerable nature is hidden. Perhaps, in childhood, such a person was not allowed to believe that he was able to give joy, and now he is afraid to disappoint the addressee.
Instead of taking responsibility for choosing a gift, investing part of himself in it, he prefers to get off with something formal or to refrain from a gift at all. Often he himself suffers because his behavior offends those close to him.
A question that might clear up a lot: what painful experiences hides his soul?
Gift Certificates
A purchase certificate or an envelope with some amount of money is a simple and effective way to deal with the problem of choice. But the fact that someone will seem indifferent may mean the same fear of making a mistake with a gift.
In the intangibility of such a gift, the timidity of a person who is embarrassed to express himself, his tastes, his imagination sounds. And also his respect for us: even if he does not know how to express it, it is important for him to please us.
A question that can bring us closer: How can I help him become more confident?
Gift in a luxurious package
Some make special efforts to beat the gift: they turn it into an intricate performance, accompany it with poems, come up with unusual packaging.
At first glance, they do us a special honor by sharing their creativity and time. Such a person (however, like everyone else) in a gift shows, first of all, his personality: he declares his exclusivity.
There are always three people involved in every act of giving: the one who gives; the one who accepts; and the one who looks at it from the outside is a kind of imaginary observer, to whom the giver unconsciously seeks to prove something.
Question that may seem curious: Who is this gift actually addressed to?