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Tell me how you criticize someone and I’ll tell you how you really are
Psychology
The psychologist Yolanda Carrio advises paying attention to what we criticize because, in addition to learning, it can lead us to understand many things about ourselves
Criticizing is very common in our day, and we all do it. We judge things and people many times without knowing little about the subject or without having much information about him or her. We do it as a relief and it is something inherent in the human being and, many times, necessary.
It is possible that at some point in our life we have been one of those people who are constantly criticizing. What can lead us to it? Yolanda Carrio, a psychologist at the Cepsim psychological center, says that in each case it will be different: «Perhaps there is an external situation that bothers us, creates impotence and we want to change, but we don’t know how. We may be in a difficult personal moment and we only see negative things
in the others and in the world and criticizing is a way to get that anger out, anger, sadness or frustration that we have inside, in addition to making us feel superior… », says the expert. So reflecting on why we criticize can give us clues as to why other people criticize.
But most of the time it is judged without a reason, without a clear motive except to strip ourselves of everything we feel and make the world see it. That would explain why many people judge just because, for fun and fun, and it is something that sometimes manages to harm us: «Thanks to the criticism we can improve. It may be that people, even if they do not feel good about this practice, seek to fix something through this criticism, ”says psychologist Carrio.
However, if after that criticism there is no alternative to get a change or a solution, we can stay stuck in it believing that, simply with criticism, we can achieve that change. “Sometimes we get caught up in thoughts and actions that seem to make no sense and we hurt both ourselves and the people around us. Pausing to reflect on what its function can be and talking about it with other people and professionals can help us get out of that loop in which we may not be comfortable, but we find it difficult to get out of it, “he advises.
Low self-esteem
There are times that the simple act of criticizing provides us with a certain enjoyment or relief by being able to bring out what was bothering us. It allows us to unburden ourselves of something that is hurting us: «Many times this critical moment to get to another point, to be able to change what we criticize if it is in our power», Explains the psychologist Yolanda Carrio. This aspect, venting ourselves, expressing something that bothers us, is what, as the expert says, the people who criticize may have in common, “since it can produce a certain discharge of unpleasant feelings and emotions».
In some cases, self-esteem may have to do with the habit of “spouting” complaints and judgments towards others or towards something in particular through the mouth. «Self-esteem is a complex concept that, among other things, is linked to what we know about ourselves. Many times, when we criticize, we see in other people things about ourselves that we did not know, things that, for some reason, it is difficult for us to accept, we do not like or we simply do not know, ”says Yolanda Carrio. In that case, he advises paying attention to what we are criticizing because it can lead us to discover new aspects about ourselves: «Being aware of this can help understand us, accept us and do the same with those around us, “he concludes.
What to do so bad reviews don’t hurt
When someone criticizes us, the feelings that appear are usually unpleasant. Anger, rage, sadness, anguish, anxiety, disappointment, the desire to defend ourselves may arise if we have felt attacked, etc. It is going to vary from one person to another and it is logical that we feel in all these ways and that we think that there is nothing positive in that situation.
On the other hand, as Yolanda Carrio says, once you notice that you are calm again, that you activation level has decreased, may be a good time to reflect on that criticism, about what in particular has been what has bothered you. «In this criticism we can hear something new about ourselves that we did not know and that can help us. Apparently, one of the goals of the review It is that something or someone improves, so we can take what we think is useful from that criticism and improve leaving aside the intentionality of the person who makes the criticism, in the event that we believe that it is with the aim of hurting us, since, as mentioned before, perhaps it has more to do with the situation of that person at that moment than with you, “he says.