The periods of denying the body and putting it on display change more often than one generation has time to mature. But if adults have time to get used to disappointments and double standards, then children find themselves at a loss from the conflicting demands of the time and significant adults.
If we trace what attitudes the little man receives from the outside, approximately the following two rows appear. So the man must be:
- Sensitive and gentle, courteous and caring.
- Slightly prettier than a monkey: ashamed to think about appearance.
- Sexy giant. At the same time, he must remember that it is difficult for a woman to satisfy sexually. And the main thing for him is sex and family, in fact, for the sake of this he makes a career.
At the same time, opposite signals are broadcast. The man must be:
- Ferocious: «You go to a woman — take a whip» (Friedrich Nietzsche).
- Beautiful: there are standards of beauty that must be met.
- Faithful and devoted, although an “honest” woman does not need sex, she loses interest in him with age or with the birth of children.
- Working: the main thing for a man is work, the rest is either trifles, or rest, or sin.
With the same — with essentially opposite signals — women also face. Some of the requirements are:
- A woman should be modest.
- A woman should be shy and asexual. The main thing for her is a child.
- Glory to the Mother Woman!
- Children become teenagers: how the body and … soul change
And completely opposite:
- A “real woman” must be an actress, a coquette, dress well and sexy, and be able to please.
- A woman should be able to do everything in bed, but marry a virgin.
- A saint can only be a «Virgin» (virgin).
At the same time, it is completely incomprehensible when the time to be a “good girl”, an “excellent student” ends and the time of sex appeal begins. And also what to do with teenage natural hypersexuality. You have to decide on your own, the wrong decision can break your whole life, and from adults you can only hear “still early”, “it’s too late” or “not the time”.
And this is only a small part of the contradictions that permeate our everyday life every minute. And what a horror our children find themselves in! Should we be surprised at their cynicism, disappointment, negativism and distrust of us? Body signals are the main problem of teenagers, the main problem of adults is the suppression of these signals, denial and translation into the forbidden, into guilt. All this creates the problem of fathers and children. Adults have power and authority, and children get out of the situation by creating their own subculture. When adults adequately respond to the emotional and bodily needs of children, the fork between the worlds tends to zero, but when they close in their comfortable stereotypes, the fork tends to infinity. The happy middle is where adults know how to remain children, and children have an example of adult responsibility and competence. Encourage communication between children and do not be afraid of friendship between boys and girls. Listen carefully to children without denying their sexuality. Raise gender self-esteem by understanding the importance of the body for children. You can convince them for a long time that the main thing is the beauty of the soul, but they have long understood that appearance provides additional opportunities.