The mom of a teenage girl, at the request of Woman’s Day, wrote down her thoughts on whether to raise the child by her example or let them make their own way.
My daughter Alexandra is 16. The tender age that my parents are so afraid of. After all, everyone knows: today’s youth is not what we were. They are both licentious, and irresponsible, and lazy, and they have no interests – in their head there is only the Internet, partying and the opposite sex. And then there’s teenage maximalism and no respect for parents. Whether it was we – responsible, sane. Or not?
As soon as this dirty trick begins to spin on my tongue: “But at your age … (I earned money, thought about the future, defended my doctoral degree, saved the starving seals of Africa …)”, I immediately blush and start laughing. The phrase, never born, curls up into a dusty ball and moves farther.
And all because the comparison will clearly not be in my favor.
What happened to me at 16? First, I graduated from high school. Secondly, for three years by that time she had met Sasha’s future father. Yes, I was a bad girl. Thirdly, I tested bad habits: I smoked (it is true, I hid it from my parents), and with alcohol I was already, if not on “hey, you,” then definitely not on “you”.
In general, there is nothing to brag about. Except perhaps the relative success in school and the rare reading among my peers.
As soon as my tongue starts spinning: “but I am at your age …”, I blush. Comparison is not in my favor
Yes, well-read people were rare even then, 20 years ago. So attacks like “You’re all on your phone, you don’t want to read a book” – well, I don’t know … But at the age of 16 you really spent all your time reading books? Come on.
Seriously, remember yourself at 16 – yes, damn it with two in your head was work in the volunteer corps, studies and books about the development of humanism. And for sure, the easiest way to motivate you for diligent study or selfless help to your parents was with the power of a magic pendel. No? Then you are a rare exhibit, let me have your autograph.
But back to two specific girls, that is, me and my daughter.
Let the girl Alexandra really be lazy, really stick on social networks, do not shine with enthusiasm for volunteer work in the wilds of Africa, but the old woman will never hear her groaning “but I …” from me for sure.
Because she is better. She is already better than I was at her age. Love your kids ?
When to bite your tongue
- Spins in front of the mirror, diligently painting eyelashes
I would like to blurt out: “Why are you painting yourself, your main decoration is youth!”
Remember: their first fees for a date or a disco. These monstrous purple shadows. Sticky eyelashes. And my mother’s grumbling about the fact that only girls of easy virtue are brightly painted. Remember? Now take a brush and show you how to do it correctly – in moderation and neatness.
- Lays on the couch and giggles, looking at the phone
You have already started to say: “Nothing to do? Have you learned physics? Would it have been better if I washed the dishes (wiped the dust, helped my mother in the kitchen, walked with the dog) ”?
Remember: as you have heard from your parents the same thing every time you wanted to do something that is important to you at that moment. What thoughts were in your head? That’s right: “It seems that the ancestors are simply enraged when I’m not busy with anything.” There is a deal of truth in it. Someone else’s doing nothing is annoying, especially when he himself is tired. But you can ask for help, gently ask about lessons, and take a walk with the dog. Or – now I’ll say sedition, attention! – postpone household chores and also peacefully lie on the couch!
- Doesn’t bring the best grades for the quarter
Just don’t start this one: “And Tanya Sideeva (the set of letters in the name and surname is arbitrary) is an excellent student, she helps her mother, babysitting with her brother, goes to basketball, teaches Japanese and does everything in time.”
Try on yourself this passage. Compare yourself to a classmate who has his own business and who spends every New Year in a new country, changes cars like gloves, bought a five-room apartment in the center. Nicely? So shut up better.
- Puts on a desperately stupid outfit
“Have you forgotten your skirt?”, “What kind of hoodie is this?”, “And what, men’s shoes are in fashion now?”. Oh, everyone.
Remember like the green leggings and leopard skirts themselves were worn. And mini dresses too. Like lurex, a stupid rhinestone purse and a sequin T-shirt. Style in the kid should be brought up, and not mocked. Especially if you yourself are not a standard and wear boyfriends with stilettos.
- Asked to go to the club
Oh, it’s hard here. Immediately I want to determine the deadline for the return – 23 hours and not a minute later. Otherwise, panic begins: the child will get involved in history, find herself in trouble, someone will offend her.
Remember: You yourself, at the age of 17, did not walk until the morning? So what? Always drunk and indulge in lewdness? Or do you so distrust your child that it seems to you that she is just beyond the threshold – how is alcohol and debauchery right there?
Try to arrange mutual calls or SMS – once an hour is enough. And you are aware of the matter, and the precious child does not strain too much, which will look “not cool” in the company.