Teenage daughter pregnant: how to help her?

The rare teenage pregnancy is planned and desired. More than half of the pregnancies end in childbirth. In other cases, girls have an abortion, about one in six miscarriages occur.

But it doesn’t matter when your daughter says to you, “I think I’m pregnant.” How to react to these words to parents, what to say to the girl, and most importantly, what to do? Advice from Child Sexuality Specialist Debra Haffner.

Take a deep breath and try to calm down. First of all, the daughter must be listened to. You can say, for example, “Tell me why you think you might be pregnant” or “Tell me what happened” or “Tell me what you’re going to do.” Maybe your daughter just missed her period and doesn’t know for sure she’s pregnant.

In the event of an unplanned pregnancy, your daughter has three main options.

1. Save the pregnancy, give birth and raise a child, alone or with a partner.
2. Save the pregnancy and give the child up for adoption.
3. Have an abortion.

Note that the choice is to be made by your daughter. No matter how much you want to decide everything for her, the final decision remains with her. Before the age of 15, your consent will be required for your daughter to have an abortion. But for the preservation of pregnancy, as well as for the abandonment of the born child, the consent of only young parents is required.

Interestingly, unlike the girl’s parents, the child’s father does not legally have the right to prohibit the girl from having an abortion, but he may not give his consent to give the child up for adoption.

After all, she needs to decide what decision to make and what will be its consequences. If possible, try to involve the father of the child in the discussion, no matter how angry you are with him now. Remind yourself that your daughter is also responsible for what happened.

Ideally, the parents of both teenagers should be involved in the discussion. Decisions should not be hasty, but still make a decision as quickly as possible. Abortion is safest in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. Medical abortion, by taking certain drugs, without surgery, can be done within the first 7 weeks.

If there is a possibility that the girl decides to keep the pregnancy, she should register for pregnancy as soon as possible and take care of herself and the unborn child. Talking to a psychologist can also be helpful.

Make a choice

Here are some questions for both you and your teen to consider:

• Which of these options – to give birth and raise a child, to give birth and abandon him, to have an abortion – is acceptable to me?
• Which of these options is not possible for me?
• How will each of these decisions affect my life? For the life of the child’s father? For my parents’ lives?
• What are my plans and hopes for the future? How can a child change these plans?
• What do my religion, my beliefs say about possible solutions?
• What will be best for me in the long run?
• Will I be able to provide a family for my child now?

Of course, his birth has an impact on their future lives. Studies show that girls who have had a child in their teens have lower incomes, are more likely to live in poverty and receive financial assistance, and are less likely to get married than women who have had a child after 20 years.

Children of teenage mothers are more likely to do poorly in school and often become parents themselves during adolescence. Girls under the age of 18 are more likely to have premature babies.

On the other hand, a teenage girl can safely bear a child and become a good mother if she is given the necessary support, if her pregnancy and childbirth are managed by qualified doctors. It is important that she still get a secondary education.

Your daughter needs to consider whether she will send her child to preschool, how she will deal with financial issues, health care issues, whether she will attend classes for expectant mothers where she can receive emotional support.

Questions about the future

Before making the decision to leave and raise a child, alone or together, teens can ask themselves the following questions:

• Are we ready to postpone school and university—or do we have a real opportunity to continue our education?
• Will our family members support us and help us take care of the baby?
• Will someone be able to take care of the child when I am at school or work, or if I get sick?
• Do we have enough money to provide the child with everything necessary?
• Am I willing to put my child’s interests ahead of my own interests?
• Are we ready to give up meeting friends, dating, dancing and other entertainment?
• Are we being pressured to keep the baby?
• What role will my partner play in raising the child?
• Should we talk about marriage? Would we get married if I wasn’t pregnant? Am I ready to be a single mom if our relationship doesn’t work out?

Unlike previous generations, most teens today don’t get married when they find out they’re expecting a baby. And most of the marriages concluded in adolescence due to the girl’s pregnancy end in divorce. Most teenagers are simply not ready for the responsibilities that come with family life.

Of course, you have to convey to your daughter the position of your family regarding marriage and raising children. Try to help her determine if her love relationship is strong enough to consider marriage.

Abortion decision

The last option your daughter has to consider is abortion. 75% of pregnant girls from high-income families and less than half of girls from low-income families decide on it. Most teenagers are worried that having a child will change their life. They do not feel mature enough and are not sure that they will be able to provide for the child financially.

Here are some questions your daughter should consider before deciding to have an abortion:

• Is anyone putting pressure on me to get an abortion?
• Do I respect women who have had an abortion?
• Will I be able to live on after having an abortion?
• What do my partner and my parents think about abortion?
• Am I sure that I want to get rid of the pregnancy?
• Is abortion consistent with my religious beliefs?

If your daughter decides to have an abortion, it is safest to have it in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. After an early abortion, complications are rare: in fact, childbirth is 10 times more likely to cause death than early abortions.

If you find out that your daughter is pregnant after the first trimester is over, seek immediate medical attention. Abortion at the end of the second trimester is associated with a high risk. If your daughter decides to keep the pregnancy, she should register for pregnancy as soon as possible.