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Today the teacher of one of the Moscow schools was detained. He is suspected of harassing a six-year-old girl. Alas, such stories happen quite often, and children do not always dare to complain about the offender. What circumstances do abusers take advantage of? Is it possible to protect the child and how?
In recent years, the Russian media space has been shaken up several times by high-profile scandals related to the topic of harassment of students by teachers. Serious accusations of graduates of prestigious schools have alarmed both the professional community and parents, who, naturally, would like to protect their children from possible encroachments and abuse at school.
What is an abuse?
First you need to understand the terminology, which in this case is closely related to the specifics of the situation. The word “abuse” is borrowed and new to the Russian language. A well-known Internet dictionary explains this term as psychological, physical, sexual, economic abuse of a loved one.
However, from English it can be translated as “abuse, outrage.” “Abuse” is firmly entrenched in the meaning of English abuse,” writes linguist and psychologist Natalia Ivleva. – Dictionary definitions stipulate that abuse is actions against someone who cannot interfere with them, or they simply add “especially women and children”.
And this is where the important part of the meaning of abuse comes from. Abuse assumes unequal roles, strong and weak. For there to be abuse, there must be one more condition – an idea of the norm of relations between a person in a strong position and a person in a vulnerable position. And this norm is care, respect, love.
What the culture, for example, expects from parents in relation to their children. Abuse is this: “I am in a vulnerable and weaker position, I may depend on you, but I expect you to treat me with respect and care, and you do not, you abuse my trust and my dependent position” .
What circumstances can play into the hands of teachers prone to abuse of power?
Abuse of position
The choice of the term here is not accidental. Harassment of a child by a teacher implies a gross violation of ethics and abuse of position. Upon detailed examination of some specific cases, it turned out that psychological manipulation, pressure by authority or indirect threats most often took place.
It is not difficult for a teacher with authority to scare a child. For example, it could be the fear of being kicked out of a good school and incurring the wrath of a parent, facing the revenge of a rejected teacher, or becoming an outsider in a community where that teacher is in a dominant position.
This is the whole point of the situation. Being well aware of the degree of risk and knowing the criminal code, most teachers who are prone to abuse do not go for direct violence. Often the objects of manipulation are vulnerable, mentally unbalanced children from dysfunctional or incomplete families – those who do not complain to their parents or believe that “this is normal” and will allow their mental and physical boundaries to be violated.
Gated Communities
Often, such scandals are associated with privileged schools, which resemble closed communities. The external world outside them can be perceived as a hostile environment, which is opposed by the “speciality” and higher position of the school, sometimes already reminiscent of a sect.
Being a member of such a community is a value for the child and for his parents, teachers are perceived as indisputable authorities. Fathers and mothers are often blinded and deprived of critical perception by their own ambitious thoughts, and sometimes simply by the belief that it is here that they will help to reveal all the talents of a child, often not accepted in a “simple” school.
Such is the property of the human brain – when communicating with others, people often see not real characters, but projections of their perceptions and expectations. In this case, it could be a trap. The intellectual superiority and even the pedagogical glory of a teacher does not at all guarantee his moral purity and decency.
That is why, even in cases where criminals are exposed by providing evidence, many colleagues and parents are still not ready to believe in their guilt – because at the same time they will have to admit their own mistake, and the fact that the “ideal teacher” created by their imagination turned out to be not ideal at all.
“… What is the basis of family violence or long-term sexual abuse by significant adults – unconditional trust in authority, even if authority causes harm. An authority that says that what is happening is normal and is a form of love. If you refuse, a significant adult will deprive his victim of love, protection and safety. And if you tell someone, you can destroy everything and be guilty of it. A child cannot but believe an adult,” writes Gestalt therapist Anastasia Gurneva.
Blurring the boundaries
Among the cases described in the media, stories are mentioned in which teachers deliberately blurred the boundaries of the child. This technique of submission is used in religious sects, but in the case of empowered school abusers, it also turns out to be infamous.
Even if the child knows that violation of his physical boundaries is unacceptable, he is unlikely to alienate a respected or beloved teacher who meets him with playful “hugs”. Over and over again, physical contact becomes the norm in relationships, and its intensification is no longer perceived by the child as a blatant violation, it is more and more difficult for him to draw the line beyond which it is “impossible”.
Trips without parents
A separate story – trips, especially trips to nature – on a hike or at a sports camp – can also turn out to be “convenient” circumstances in which children are completely at the mercy of their elders. Sometimes in such a situation, they simply have nowhere to run – and submission to the one who is called upon to take care of their safety may seem like the lesser evil.
Loss of contact
Losing contact with a child can be at any age. But this happens especially often when there is a teenager in the family.
Adolescence is a difficult period for children and parents. The former experience “growing pains”, including separation attempts, the latter, as a rule, are immersed in work and affairs that do not leave enough time and attention to maintain a full – and sometimes very difficult – contact.
But even at this age, a child, even if he is almost two meters tall, is still a child in many respects. And the place of a significant adult can be taken by a teacher or a sports coach. If this person is prone to abuse, new opportunities open up for him to manipulate those who trust him.
age stereotypes
If a child is drawn into an abusive relationship, his psyche reacts to it in one way or another. He may show signs of depression or, conversely, excessive arousal.
It’s hard for the layman to separate this from teenage mood swings, and the busyness of the parents causes the children’s jumps in behavior to be attributed to any other cause, or simply ignored.
And again, healthy contact with the child, observation, and, if necessary, careful advice from a specialist will help parents understand what is happening.
How to protect a child?
Recommendations of Gestalt therapist Anastasia Gurneva:
1. Tell your child about boundaries, respect them yourself. Respect the “no” of the child, teach not to allow touching the intimate parts of the body.
2. Create a relationship of trust with your childso that he knows that he can come to you for help in a difficult or awkward situation.
3. Take the child at his word. Unless, of course, we are talking about a psychopath who is alien to the experience of shame, empathy. The story about the situation of abuse is associated with feelings of humiliation (after all, the teacher is higher in status), shame (because there was an invasion of intimate space), fear (the weight of the word of the child and the word of the teacher are not equal, and it may not be safe to open your mouth).
Most likely, the child will not out of the blue come up with stories about how and where the teacher touched him. To talk about a deuce delivered for nothing, about injustice or partiality in assessments – maybe, but about sexual abuse – it is unlikely.
4. Give importance to the story, do not brush it off. Ask, be on the side of the child in any case. Maybe hugs and kind of friendship between students and teachers are accepted in this school, but if your child tells you about sexual abuse, he feels bad there, maybe you should talk to other parents, figure it out, go to a psychologist, or at least think about transfer to another school?
5. Be attentive to living conditions on hikes and trips without parents.
6. Do not be fascinated by the authority of teachers yourself, not to lose your own sanity at all in the presence of someone else’s charisma and eloquence.
The situations and recommendations described in the article are generalized, and each story must be considered separately. Abuse is a complex topic, each case is difficult to prove. Unfortunately, this happened and happens from time to time, and the responsibility of the parents is to take care of the child in a timely manner.
The article does not aim to denigrate the respected profession of a teacher or arouse unhealthy suspicion in parents. Child protection and attention, as well as literacy in recognizing dangerous situations, can help protect and support him when needed.