Tattoos and teenagers: allow or ban

His son is 16, he recently said that a boy from a parallel class got a tattoo again. I wanted to say: “What a horror! He is not yet eighteen! ”, But she bit her tongue. What if I’m hopelessly behind the times? Suddenly tattoos are now made by whole families? Opinions were divided. Most do not approve of such decorations in children.

«I’m against. After the age of 18, let him make a decision,” says Natalya, head of a social project from Krasnoyarsk.

“I don’t have a tattoo and I hope the kids won’t either. I’m not trying to prove anything, I’m just saying: “Ugh, how ugly and forever,” writes Ekaterina, a coach from Moscow, the mother of three sons.

“I don’t want my son to look like a convict,” says Mikhail, a doctor from Volgograd.

“Maybe it should be allowed, but with certain restrictions, like any toy that a child requires,” says Dmitry, an entrepreneur from Sydney.

“We need to think, especially girls, about the place where to do. There are areas subject to changes after childbirth. So that the butterfly in the stomach does not turn into a frog,” says Tatyana, a psychologist from Moscow.

“Probably, it is worth immediately making it clear to the child that his body belongs only to him, so that later there would be no consequences. To allow or prohibit what is connected with his body, a person can only himself. And, of course, it is necessary to explain and warn about the consequences, ”said Anna, an SEO promotion specialist from St. Petersburg. Several friends shared stories.

“I am a strict mother. Responsible for their body

“When I got a tattoo, my daughter accompanied me. At the age of 12, she was interested. At 16, she decided to get a tattoo. I said: “After 18 please. But think over everything, find a good specialist, then I’ll pay for it.” At 18, she was still unsure of the plot. When she turned 20, I found a master, he helped her with a sketch. I went with her and waited for her while they did it. My son is now 16 and wants a tattoo. My answer is no, he cannot be fully responsible for his choice yet.” Tatyana, psychologist from Kyiv

«Son just puts me before the fact»

“He got his first tattoo at the age of 15. Of course, I was outraged. But the son said that the symbol that he was pinned on his shoulder meant a lot to him, and I did not aggravate the relationship. I was reassured that everything was done carefully, covered with a special film, and he regularly processed the place where the tattoo was. In addition, the tattoo is invisible under clothes, teachers will not see it. But then the son got a tattoo on his forearm. Just a geometric pattern that he thinks is beautiful. Then I got angry in earnest — this picture is in full view, and who knows how many more tattoos he is going to do. I explained that over time they will blur, that it will be difficult to bring them together. But teenagers live for today and do not want to listen to reasonable arguments.

I was furious. The son did not want to listen to either me or his father. He did not say who made him tattoos, so that we would not write a statement to the police. Then I conducted a survey — to calm down and once again make sure that my son is not the only one. I work in a military hospital and began to ask patients at what age they got a tattoo, why and if they regret it. Most made it at the age of 17-18, and almost no one regrets it — it’s cool and beautiful. Only a few said something like: «I did it because I was a fool.» One colonel struck me the most. His body is all blue from blurry tattoos, he is a large man. But he thinks it’s beautiful. And recently I was told how one fourteen-year-old girl, the daughter of distant acquaintances, made herself a tattoo on her leg. Found technology on the Internet. So, we are still not so bad.” Elena, a nurse from Volgograd

“Son and daughter got a tattoo together secretly from me”

“The son was 16 and the daughter was already an adult when they got small tattoos on her ankles. They had fun. It was a conspiracy, a joint underground affair. I tried to dissuade — did not work. My son always knew how to convince me, from childhood he defeated me in disputes. The art of persuasion later helped him succeed in business.

When he became an adult and independent, he got another tattoo, larger, in a more prominent place. I still don’t understand why. Since childhood, he loves ties and suits, but it seems to me that business style does not go well with them. I can’t say that I love tattoos. But this is not a tragedy, especially since they have delicate drawings that are made in sterile conditions, and not in the alley.” Anna, dentist from St. Petersburg

«My body is my business»

“I really wanted to get a tattoo, but my mother categorically forbade it. She said that this is ugliness, and then it will be impossible to reduce. She convinced me that she liked it only in her youth, and then she would have to “pay for this mistake” all her life. But I didn’t believe her too much, I thought that I would never stop liking her. Even my father’s blue-green tattoos, the memory of his service in a submarine, did not stop. He had difficulty removing them, leaving scars.

At the age of 18-19, having received my first salary, I pierced my navel. A terrible scandal awaited at home. Then, as soon as my mother saw her stomach, she exclaimed: “Well, how could such an ugliness be done?” She did not achieve anything with prohibitions, the desire did not go anywhere. This year alone, I made two, and one more on the way. I am sure that the child’s body belongs only to him. But it’s easy for me to talk about it, I don’t have children. In any case, you need to talk to children without intimidation, and calmly explain the consequences: “It’s hard for you to imagine now, but you might not like it.” A child does not have all the information, it is more difficult for him to predict than for an adult. Julia, journalist from Moscow

«This is intentional damage that a person causes to his own body»

Tatiana Shcheglova, psychologist

Tattoos are one of the ways to express the inner «I». Such manifestations can be attributed to art, an unconventional type of painting. A person who decides to put a drawing on the body pursues two goals: he changes the attitude towards himself on the part of society and expresses himself.

This is intentional damage that a person causes to his own body. In psychology, such behavior is classified as auto-aggression or self-harm. These actions are aimed at liberation, reduction of unbearable emotions and act like a «valve mechanism». A person hopes to cope with emotional tension or pain when it is impossible to feel and act.

Emotional energy accumulates inside a person for a long time and breaks out in the form of tattoos on the body. American psychiatrist Armando Favazza classifies tattoos, piercings and scarring as cultural self-harm. With this type of protection, a person stops directing emotional energy to transform the outside world, but directs it to himself. If parents forbid a child to express emotions or do not hear his needs, imposing only their own desires, he gets used to the restrictions and directs the energy of emotion not to external changes and achievements, but to himself.

The desire to decorate the body is a topic for a confidential conversation about needs. In the dialogue, you can say why a son or daughter needs a drawing on the body. The reasons may be different:

Compensation for traits and qualities that are lacking in the image of «I»: aggression, strength, fidelity, wisdom, attractiveness, lightness, openness.

Need for protection: through these drawings, the teenager seeks to preserve the core of his personality or avoid encountering his unwanted sides or experiences.

The desire to become attractive, to hide defects on the body: scars, scars, stretch marks can be safely hidden under the tattoo. Fashionable tattoo today often helps to broadcast signals to society: “I am attractive”, “I am healthy, I have a good lip color, a clear look, thick eyebrows.”

The need to express emotions the symbolism of a tattoo can help you live through inner feelings faster and give an outlet to crises and processes.

Strengthening personal identity: symbols and images help to independently correct the idea of ​​oneself, to let others know how to treat him and what he expects.

Gaining power over the body: the child consciously chooses how it will look, rises above physicality and «takes matters into his own hands.»

Separation from parents: usually in such cases, tattoos are applied secretly. An adult needs to hear and understand the needs of the child, offer him constructive and acceptable ways to achieve the goal.