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Putting your soulmate on the Distance is a rewarding thing, but not easy in itself. Especially if your other half is an adult and formed person, with his own opinion, sometimes stubborn and stubborn. He, in general, does not prevent you from doing “all sorts of cute stupid things”, such as psychology, and even really supports your new undertakings, but he himself — no, no! “I have other interests!”, “Why do I need this?”, “It was you who entered there. And why am I here? — perhaps the most typical responses to the offer to go to a training, Synthon-cinema or to become a Distance.
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What to do in this situation? After all, it turns out that you are moving forward, achieving something, rethinking something, changing old attitudes, reevaluating values - in a word, you are moving! And at this time, the other oar of your family boat, as it worked in the habitually measured rhythm, continues to row itself along the beaten path of automatisms, creating turns, traffic jams and gyres. How not to slip into a situation where the husband is a “suitcase without handles”, which is both hard to carry and a pity to leave? After all, he is his own, dear and beloved, and you, it seems, are still the same, but already, as it were, different.
Of course, all families are unique, and my recipes can work selectively, but they can probably still be added to the piggy bank of ideas.
1. Don’t force or pull
As the law of physics says, every action creates a reaction. The sagging place tries not only to restore its original shape, but also to bend back. By pressing, you risk getting not just a refusal to participate in your psychological plans and ideas, but also a strong rejection and resistance to your activities in general. This also applies to “soft” pushing – persuasion, exhortation, persuasion.
2. Give your soulmate time
Indeed, standing on the Distance, you change. Sometimes you change noticeably. And my half personally informs me about this from time to time. Your changes are new and unusual not only for you, but also for him, this is a way out of the comfort zone. Exit into the unknown.
Therefore, the best tactic here is to give your loved one time to look around, get used to it, exhale. And this is where the third rule comes in:
3. Support your other half
It is quite natural that we meet all changes with apprehension. “What to expect from this new person nearby? How will this affect our lives? What will it entail? — perhaps he will not tell you about these doubts, but he can think so. Moreover, this new person is nearby — a remote and UPPshnik, which obviously does not guarantee a calm sleepy life! In addition, you now have new interests, new friends, you periodically go to classes and spend time on something that you didn’t spend on before.
Therefore, try to gently support and encourage your loved one, reassure that your relationship is important and dear, feelings have not cooled down, and despite the appearance of this new wave in your life, you appreciate him and he can still rely on you.
4. Change tactics
Personally, I approached this task creatively. Realizing that the policy of persuasion was stalling (see point 1), I decided to simply turn to my husband for help. The text was something like this:
“You know, now while studying, a huge amount of new information has fallen on me, which is sometimes difficult to process. And also the Distance with exercises, where it would be good to have an outside view and control. It’s hard to see yourself with different eyes. Could you help me sort out some questions and do some distance exercises with me? To tell me what needs to be corrected?
5. Encourage
If the other half has already agreed to help you, then do not skimp on gratitude and praise. For her, this is also a step.
Summary:
So, for today, «I’m done!» More precisely, “we are great!” Because as a result of the above steps:
1. My other half agreed to take some Distance exercises with me.
Such an agreement — he takes only what corresponds to his views, it seems to him logical and reasonable.
2. «Remove NO-ki» — a hit number 1 in the family.
The exercise is going great! Now I clearly know that you can’t say “Dorgoy, I won’t cocoa.” You have to say «Honey, I’ll cocoa later.» Corrects me, corrects himself. Comes up with possible answers to avoid NO-ok. Creativity in full bloom!
3. Seriously involved in thinking about the Family Constitution. I studied that they write about this in the «Code of the Builders of Communism», the Bible and the Koran. He said that he would think further, he would send interesting links to the mail. LIKE THIS!!!!
Good luck to all family distance!