Agree, modern technology is a real salvation for those who do not really like to interact with others. You can always “dive” into the phone if we are bored or embarrassed. It is possible – but not worth it. It turns out that communication even with random fellow travelers makes us a little happier.
What are we, the inhabitants of the modern digital world? Our heads are always lowered, we prefer familiar voices to others, and we have almost no time or desire for contacts “in real life”. We build insurmountable walls around ourselves, and our eyes are literally riveted to the screens of phones … Familiar?
Today, avoiding contact with strangers is easier than ever. We have become adept at hiding behind screens, and many of us enjoy this self-imposed isolation. We convinced ourselves that any new acquaintance could bring us terrible discomfort. A stranger may not like us or he will turn out to be a boring interlocutor – so why make contact?
Here’s why: even if you think you hate meeting new people, the experience actually makes you a little happier.
Yes, for many it becomes a step out of the comfort zone, but any new interaction is incredibly valuable. “Getting to know someone who is different from us can change us tangibly. It’s the best antidote for fear,” Keo Stark writes in When Strangers Meet.
Such contacts can be interesting inclusions in the “predictable narrative of everyday life” and help to find “questions to which we seem to have known the answers for a long time.”
It seems to us that this can be perceived as strange, and few of us dare to turn to a stranger.
Everyone knows the phrase that man is a social animal. We have a “social” brain, and interacting with others makes us happier. But the trouble is that we are used to ignoring each other. We prefer the solitude of the opportunity to meet someone who is not yet familiar to us.
And here’s the interesting thing: When researchers ask survey participants to imagine having to talk to someone on public transportation, such as a train or bus, the prospect scares many. In fact, it turns out that this helps to get more pleasure from the trip.
Of course, if talking to strangers is not your forte, the results of the study will hardly convince you. But even with the most insignificant contact, an emotional connection arises, which is valuable in itself.
Few people like unsolicited attention – so how do you decide on such a contact? What steps to take? The answer will surely surprise you. “Sometimes it’s enough just to turn to another, to say hello to him. It seems to us that this can be perceived as strange, and few of us dare to turn to a stranger, but people usually readily respond to an attempt to start a conversation, ”say behavioral researchers Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder.
Of course, daily conversations with fellow travelers on the way to work and back will not be able to radically change your life, but they will at least help you distract yourself from unpleasant, depressing thoughts. When we get stuck in traffic for at least an hour a day, time goes very slowly, and talking with a stranger will help pass it and even enjoy the road.
It is much easier for extroverts to start a dialogue than for introverts, but both of them feel happier as a result of the conversation.
And what about introverts? It turns out that those who are accustomed to “recharge” exclusively in solitude underestimate the positive consequences of communicating with new people, even random fellow travelers. It’s all about expectations.
“Our expectations often turn out to be something like self-fulfilling prophecies. If you are sure that a conversation with a stranger will give you discomfort, then you will not even check if your assumption is correct, which means you will never know that you are wrong, ”explain Epley and Schroeder.
Of course, it is much easier for extroverts to start a dialogue than for introverts, but research shows that both of them feel happier as a result of the conversation.
So, even if your smartphone is waiting for your favorite podcast and a lot of new posts on social networks, it may still be worth raising your head and being the first to say hello to your fellow traveler. Or chat with someone in line for coffee, at the grocery store, or just on the street. This will give you the opportunity to learn something new about the world and expand the scope of your own perception. In the future, all this may be useful to you.
Think of all the times when talking to someone inspired you. How about allowing yourself more of these meetings and conversations? Even if you have to make an effort on yourself for this, the result is worth it.