We are ready to fall through the ground when the kid at a party begins to bite his nails or pick his nose, and the phrase “you can’t do this” does not stop him. Yes, and at home, such behavior, of course, is not encouraging. How to wean a child from bad habits? Says a child psychologist.
First, let’s define terminology. The word “habit” is used to refer to some kind of automatic repetitive action, something that suddenly appeared and was fixed in behavior. For example, a baby, for no reason at all, begins to sniffle: he does not do it all the time, only in a certain situation. Like when you’re worried.
Habits are considered harmful because of which the child can physically harm himself or others. How then to understand harmless thumb sucking? After all, this can affect the bite, but in general it will not affect the life and health of the baby …
Formally, this is really not considered a bad habit. Another thing is that any action that falls under the category of obsessive behavior requires attention. It doesn’t matter if it is harmful or not, it is a signal that the child has not closed some need: he could not satisfy it, and it was transformed into a habit. And you need to find out what exactly he needs to help him get rid of this habit.
How do kids develop bad habits?
Bad habits can be caused by:
- Attention deficit. It could arise, for example, if the parents decided to teach the baby to fall asleep alone and sleep separately.
- Lack of parental care — in the case when the child is often left alone or rarely given time.
- Too hard or vice versa, anxious and suspicious parenting style.
- Stressful situation — divorce of parents, family relocation, first time in kindergarten or school.
The most common patterns of behavior are formed in children so that they can somehow calm themselves, cope with loneliness or distract themselves from fears. That is why the child may begin to suck his finger or items of his clothes, bite his nails, wind his hair around his fingers.
Habits that are not quite obvious may be a signal that the baby needs help. For example, if the child refuses to go for a walk until he counts his toys, or every day before leaving for school he checks the portfolio several times.
These are anxiety markers to look out for. As well as the habit of deceiving, using foul language, sneaking around or taking other people’s things. In general, everything that others often attribute to a lack of education.
How to get rid of a bad habit?
Each pattern of behavior, in addition to its external manifestation, has roots. Without finding out where he «grew», it is impossible to get rid of him. So, if you smear the fingers of a child with something bitter, then he will continue to bite his nails anyway. Even a confidential conversation can be ineffective: although it seems to parents that the child will give up the habit after explaining “you can’t do this,” this does not happen.
It is necessary to observe the child in order to understand in what situations the habit makes itself felt most often, and to analyze what this reaction may be associated with. What event preceded the appearance and consolidation of repetitive actions? But this is only the first stage.
The second is to understand what need this habit masks, what the child really needs. And find an adequate way to satisfy it. This is not always obvious, because the fight against bad habits requires the help of a child psychologist.
Bad tips to fight bad habits
Even when working with a psychologist, you should not count on the fact that the habit will go away instantly — it could take several years to form. Be patient and put yourself in the place of the child.
Surely you at least once in your life struggled with some kind of bad habit. Do you remember how easy it was for you? How did you feel when others made comments to you with the words “you are back for yours again”?
Excessive pressure can exacerbate the problem, so it is absolutely impossible:
- yelling at a child and lecturing him;
- punish the child physically — when you slap him on the hands or lips for putting his finger in his mouth;
- to punish with “hardships” — to take away a smartphone or not to let go on a trip with a class on an excursion;
- frighten with terrible fables — supposedly if he picks his nose, then he will have two large holes instead of two small ones, or his fingers will fall off;
- shame the child using the phrases «Look what an ill-mannered baby!» or by comparing him to other, «ideal» children.
Strict suggestion can stop the compulsive action right now, but it will not have a long-term effect. Most likely, such words will only increase the child’s attention to the bad habit and increase his nervousness. And if you fight so constantly, then a simple habit will easily develop into an obsession.
A constructive solution is the translation of comments into a game form. You can come up with a conditional signal that for both of you will mean «Hey, you’re on your own again.» It’s better if it’s something fun.
For example, the child began to bite his nails again, and instead of notations from the category “Well, how much can I tell you”, he hears the funny word “Chukachamra”. This will not cause negative emotions in the baby and will help him gradually get rid of the habit.