Why do we love hugging loved ones so much? It turns out that we have a genetic need to touch others — this is how we establish emotional contact, convey our love and care. The power of touch should not be underestimated: sometimes it will say more than words can express.
Christina fell off her bike and broke her eyebrow. There is blood, she is shivering, it hurts and her head is spinning. Maxim called an ambulance, but he does not know how else to help her. Then he takes her hand and gently strokes her hair …
He whispers to her that this will pass, that she, of course, hurts, but soon they will be in the hospital. In the admissions department, he is not allowed to accompany Christina any further. An hour later, despite the ban, he still decides to go in search and finds her at the doctor’s office all alone. He sits down next to her, holds her hand in his again, and together they wait for the reception. She is happy that he came. A few hours later — after an X-ray showed that there was no serious injury, and a simple treatment of the wound — they leave in a taxi. In the car, she turns to him: «You have no idea how you helped me … I was so scared!» And they smile at each other.
Feeling cannot heal wounds, but it can relieve feelings of loneliness and fear. And as it has now become known — from pain. At the American University in Wisconsin, one of the leading experts in neurobiology, Richard Davidson, conducted an experiment: subjecting women to light electric shock, he measured the fear and pain that they experienced while using instruments. Magnetic resonance imaging recorded the activity of their brain activity.
If during the experiment women were left alone, they were scared, they experienced physical suffering. Their emotional brain was partially involved. If, on the other hand, the laboratory employee, whom they did not know and did not even see his face, simply held their hand, then the fear was already less, but the brain still reacted to pain. When the husband held them by the hand, the brain calmed down at all levels*.
Through bodily contact, something wonderful is transmitted, in terms of its effect comparable to a medicine that relieves pain and fear. And the closer the relationship between people, the more effective the «medicine»: its effect on the woman’s brain was directly proportional to her love for her husband. When he took her hand, the activity of one of the deepest parts of the emotional brain, the hypothalamus, changed. It is he who regulates the release of all our hormones, and most importantly — stress hormones. The ability to influence the hypothalamus in this way, and even without side effects, is just a dream of the pharmaceutical industry!
Researchers at the University of Wisconsin call this sensory connection the “hidden regulator”: when everything is fine, it does not manifest itself in any way, but when stressed or threatened, it plays a key role. When I was working in Guatemala with the Médecins sans Frontières group, I noticed that Maya psychotherapists often held hands like children during group meetings. At first this puzzled me. But then, looking at their wide smiles and bursts of laughter, I thought that they were probably much smarter than us. Why deprive yourself of such pleasure?
Kristina and Maxim intuitively understood this that evening in the hospital. As in many other areas, the Maya probably made a discovery long before us: they found a very simple and direct access to the most profound need of a human being — to physically feel connected with another person … and with love. Maybe we should use this discovery more often?
* Coan J.A., Schaefer H.S., Davidson R.J. « Lending a Hand : Social Regulation of the Neural Response to Threat », in Psychological Science, 2006, vol. 17, n° 12, p. 1032-1039.