It seems that nature has not deprived us of the ability to dream. Many different bright fantasies and tempting ideas come to mind. But for some reason, not all of them are destined to come true. How can you help your wishes come true?
“At one training, we were advised to write down wishes on paper: then the Universe will accept them for fulfillment,” recalls 34-year-old Ksenia. — I wrote that I would go to Europe for the New Year. It seemed to me that I was sitting at home and suddenly the bell rang: there was a burning ticket at a ridiculous price, or someone refused the trip and gave it to me. I honestly believed the Universe for two months. Then I realized that I would be left without a trip, I found a tour through an agency, but, alas, the time was lost, the trip cost me much more than it could have. But the desire came true, I sarcastically tell my friends, the Universe heard me.
What actually influences the fulfillment of desires? And are there such techniques to achieve the fulfillment of even the seemingly unrealizable?
Bypass blocks and catch signals
“To realize what you want, you need the resources of the individual: physical and emotional health, a sense of inner support, healthy self-esteem, experience of success,” says psychologist, art therapist Polina Postelgina. – But no less important is the absence or at least awareness of the hidden benefits, fears and prohibitions associated with desire. Including family patterns of behavior and inherited beliefs.” Those who believe that “you can’t take the fish out of the pond without difficulty” may not see the treasure lying under their feet.
Getting around the bans is not easy, often you have to “negotiate” with them for a long time and diplomatically, figure out when they arose, how they helped before and how much they are needed now. “You can’t talk to strangers.” This rule served our safety in childhood. And so we think: “I want to meet my chosen one.” But after all, according to the belief, it is “dangerous”, “not allowed”, “indecent” – each of us will remember many options for limiting beliefs. But now, talking on the street with a stranger, perhaps we will meet a future life partner or an interesting acquaintance. So, maybe it’s time to thank these beliefs and send them to the scrap?
Fulfilling a desire helps “flow” – a state of enthusiasm
Often desires stumble over the hidden benefit that the current situation brings us. Deep down, we want to keep it, although we dream of something else. “I want to be financially independent, but…” Polina Postelgina gives an example. “But at the same time, there is an underlying desire to give me something, to pay for me, to help me: it’s calmer that way. And the psyche delays the onset of the desired. How to be?
The “flow” – the state of enthusiasm – helps to fulfill the desire. “When we have a sincere desire to do something, we enjoy the process. When we intuitively see how to use the incoming opportunities in time, of which there are many around, ”says the psychologist.
The universe, to which some of us have great claims, is really showing signs. Coincidences, synchronicity of events, casually heard hint phrases, meeting the right person, an unexpected proposal for cooperation, opening new routes – all this can be said “Yes!”. Signs fill the space, but some of us seem to have a special antenna for receiving signals, while others seem to have none or it is rusty. How to understand that we have caught the right signal? “Check how you feel when you receive an offer, how the body responds – it contracts or relaxes. You can even ask yourself: what color is this sign and what does this color mean to me? Polina Postelgina suggests.
Self-portrait of success
Psychologist, art therapist Polina Postelgina offers a new way to approach the desired. Take two sheets of paper, pencils, pastels, paints – and …
- First, metaphorically depict yourself in the current state in relation to your desire or task. You can get a person, a fairy-tale hero or an animal, and even a landscape. What (what) are you? What do you think and feel, what do you believe in, what are you doing?
- Imagine the desire and yourself at the moment of its realization or when you already have what you need. For example: “I have wealth / health / success.” Feel this image emotionally and physically and transfer it to paper. Ask the same questions to this image.
- Looking at both pictures, ask the resource image to “advise” the “now” image. It can be any message and even a specific instruction. Perhaps the image-resource wants to give the image-today a gift? You can draw.
- Keep the resource portrait in a conspicuous place and refer to it when in doubt.
Set goals and evaluate resources
“For most of us, desires are from a series of “wishlists” that are not destined to come true: they have no basis and resources for implementation,” says engineering psychologist Denis Makarhin. – A middle-level clerk dreams: “I want to go to the Bahamas, a million dollars, an expensive car, a well-paid job, a thoroughbred dog.” This is way above his current bar. Such “Wishlist” is actively encouraged in the information space, in advertising.
Unrealistic desires have, on the one hand, a righteous mission: they prevent stress by preventing the brain from overheating. “It’s hard for us, problems at work, in the family, but we went into a field of dreams, “dreamed” something and didn’t go beyond fantasies,” the psychologist gives an example. On the other hand, there is a danger that these dreams will grow into dissatisfaction, which will give rise to new stress: when we really want something, but do not get it, we get nervous.
“Most often, psychologists are approached by people who do not distinguish between unrealizable and realistic desires, which can be defined as a goal – this is the point we want to reach with a certain resource,” emphasizes Denis Makarhin. – If I was the champion of the yard in football, then I can become the champion of the city. But if the champion of the yard aims immediately for world champions, then this is again from the “Wishlist” series. You need a verified sequence of steps and skills.
The goal should be inspiring and consistent with internal attitudes.
Or another fairly common female desire – “I want to marry a millionaire.” The question must be asked: what can be done to achieve this? Then to understand where millionaires “are found” – obviously not at a disco in Mytishchi. Check whether I know how to play golf, whether I understand yachts, whether I go skiing in order to have a better chance of meeting a millionaire in his usual habitat. And then the desire has the opportunity to migrate from the list of transcendental fantasies to the list of quite real tasks.
It is not always necessary for a clear formulation to realize a desire. Sometimes it is enough to determine the trajectory of movement. For example, if a high school student has not decided on a specific university for admission, then at first it is enough to understand in which direction to move: technical or humanitarian.
The goal should inspire, Denis Makarhin is convinced, and correspond to the internal attitudes “embedded in the DNA” and programmed to realize one’s potential. Any creative process and product can become a source of inspiration: the desire to cross-stitch, paint a picture, travel. Do all our desires lead to this? What will we get as a result – satisfaction or disappointment? These simple questions will help you clear the fog and see your desires clearly.