Systemic education is education that changes styles and approaches in raising a child depending on the level of his development and readiness to cope with difficulties in a particular situation. Systemic education (the term was proposed by Vladimir Vinogradov, the leading trainer of the Sinton Center) is practiced in the synton approach to educate a free and reasonable person who lives in the direction of high values.
Today, leadership training no longer raises the question of which style of leadership is better: authoritarian, democratic, or liberal. It became clear that each of these styles has its pros and cons, and most importantly, each of them is necessary at some stage in the development of the team or at some period of employee training. As a rule, at the first stages, the directive approach is the most adequate — a business approach (without support, nothing personal) combined with tight briefing and detailed instructions. Once the employee has mastered the basics, there is a mentoring period, that is, a warm, personal approach (high level of support, personal relationships) combined with tight coaching and detailed instructions. At the next stage, when the employee has already gained sufficient experience, there is an opportunity for partnership, where a warm, personal approach (high level of support, personal relationships) is combined with trust and joint discussions. And the last stage is delegation, the dream of any leader. This is a business approach (no support, nothing personal) combined with trust and joint discussions. “An interesting client called, take him on!” — and that’s it, the manager can be sure that the employee will do everything without him and in the best way.
Similar stages in one form or another can and should be present in the process of raising a child. A very small child, until he is able to understand human speech and does not know the basics of culture, most naturally develops and masters the necessary skills in the training mode. As long as the child does not have a developed will and he demonstrates rather field behavior, it is natural to direct his behavior by controlling his attention, through enthusiasm and involvement, organizing a developing environment for him. When a child tries to test his parents for strength, or in situations for which the child is not ready either intellectually or morally, the best results are shown by an authoritarian parenting style.
However, after what time it is possible and necessary to talk with a child, explain, consult; the child can already understand and do a lot on his own, accordingly, interaction with the child changes from authoritarian to authoritative upbringing, the mode of cooperation and support is more and more possible. Ideally, a child should develop and educate himself already, only using his parents and the society around him as a resource in his own cognitive and social activities.
The stage of directive (authoritarian) education is an important moment in the formation of the child’s volitional sphere. In a systematic upbringing, the child is first taught to obey external orders, and then they transfer the leadership of themselves into their own hands. It seems that it was precisely these mechanisms of formation of volitional qualities that Lev Semenovich Vygotsky had in mind when he formulated the law of the formation of higher mental functions: “Every higher mental function appears on the stage of a person’s life development twice: first as an external, social function, as an interpsychic function, then — as an internal, regulatory function, as the child’s internal way of thinking. Initially, the HMF is divided between the child and the adult, and after that it is internalized and carried out by the child independently. At first, an adult commands, the child learns to follow commands, then he begins to command himself. Similarly, according to the conclusions of A.N. Leontiev, «genetically arbitrary actions arise … rather in social subordination than in subordination to objective objective conditions.»
Leontiev loved the anecdote about the officer and the batman. The batman is busy with himself and groans and groans all the time. The officer asks: “Ivan, what are you groaning there for?” — «I’m very thirsty.» — «Go, get drunk.» — «I don’t feel like going.» Some time passed, the officer in a service tone says to him: «Ivan.» «I’m listening, your honor,» the batman replies. «Go get a glass of water.» Runs, brings a glass of water. The officer says, «Drink.» He drank and calmed down.
If the officer achieves that the batman will obey him unquestioningly, then it will be enough for him to give the command: “Do not be lazy, be active and independent!” — and the batman will change his style of behavior. Perhaps for the rest of your life. Indeed, where do young children get the will from? It is difficult to deny the biological prerequisites, but the will to a greater extent is a product of social learning. The will is brought up (or not brought up) in children by their parents. Will is the demanding, strong voice of the father that resounds in us. Mom can ask, exhort, persuade — the father says what needs to be done. In families where father and mother have exchanged gender roles, where the father is gentle, and mother is in command, mother is the bearer of will. If you had such a voice in your childhood or youth (sometimes it can be the voice of a coach or a sergeant), if this voice became your law and began to organize your life and behavior, you know what will is. If you yourself began to speak with this voice to yourself and others, you have become a strong-willed person. If the child grew up surrounded only by soft people who recognize only the democratic style and do not practice decisive and energetic intonations, the child’s strong-willed behavior will be difficult.
On the other hand, a timely transition from directive to partnership interaction is important, before from the practice of subordinating the child to cooperating with him. Authoritarian parenting can be convenient for parents, but it makes sense only when, after some time, our children really become free and reasonable people who know how to build their own lives.
Video from Yana Shchastya: interview with professor of psychology N.I. Kozlov
Topics of conversation: What kind of woman do you need to be in order to successfully marry? How many times do men get married? Why are there so few normal men? Childfree. Parenting. What is love? A story that couldn’t be better. Paying for the opportunity to be close to a beautiful woman.