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Hello! Men experience jealousy more often than women, they just don’t always show it due to restraint. After all, there is a stereotype in society that the strong half of humanity does not have the right to show weakness, and must keep all their feelings inside. That is why murders motivated by jealousy committed by beautiful ladies are much less. Because of their emotionality, they release all experiences immediately, as they arise, and do not accumulate until they break through already in affect. And today I propose to consider what is the reason that causes the fear of betrayal or betrayal, and how to deal with it all, if you understand that relationships are collapsing and are no longer encouraging.
Causes of jealousy in men
Polarity
No matter how unrealistic it may seem, but a rather large part of men are excited by the realization that their beloved had other partners, that she is still receiving signs of attention, or, even worse, she is cheating.
If you have read an article about a person’s fears, then you know that usually our feelings are very polar. That is, what I fear most of all — I actually want. So think about it, even if you yourself realize that your suspicion is downright pathological. Maybe, in fact, for some reason you want your beloved to change, and your relationship ends, or does it get a new round of development? Try to think, even if this question seems ridiculous.
Inability to compete
A man is inherently a protector, a breadwinner, but around him there are a large number of rivals as strong as he is, with whom it is necessary to fight, no matter for a place, food or a woman. We must not lose vigilance, as well as underestimate the abilities and capabilities of others.
So, it happens that there are dangerous competitors nearby. And a person, instead of defending his position and rights, either gets scared, or recognizes himself defeated in advance. Anger from such a failure arises and does not go anywhere, but this is energy, and it needs an outlet. Which is in such an interesting way as jealousy.
It is possible, because of your anxieties, to break loose on your beloved, arranging domestic terrorism, accusing him of betrayal or even simply wanting another. That is, every failure in contact with an opponent undermines and hits self-esteem, getting into those places that are most vulnerable. And then, in the desire to show his power and strength, he goes to the woman, if he considers her weaker, and already breaks down on her.
Alcohol abuse
Unfortunately, according to statistics, there are much more men with alcohol addiction or a predisposition to it than women. And, as you yourself understand, it is very difficult to really assess the situation and think critically, subjecting some facts to analysis.
Yes, and under the influence of substances, inner deep feelings, even if they were carefully concealed, break out in the form of accusations and suspicions. The lines between reality and fantasy are blurred, so that even nonsense will seem true.
Wild fantasy
Creativity and creativity is not always, it turns out, to our advantage. Sometimes a person is so immersed in a fictional world that he himself begins to believe in it. The brain throws up interesting ideas about where the sweetheart could linger, about what she secretly longs for and who she thinks about before going to bed.
Psychological trauma
Perhaps in childhood you had to fight with brothers and sisters for the love of your mother, constantly losing the fight, or not feeling it at all, for some reason. Perhaps, in adolescence, a person experienced rejection, the refusal of a girl he liked, or the betrayal of a chosen one.
Lack of support
Sometimes the inability to get the support of friends, since admitting suspicions of the infidelity of a loved one causes fear of losing one’s face, dignity in front of other men. Why emotions are not released outside, accumulating. And thoughts and fantasies do not find a rational refutation that could be given by a person from the outside, not included in the situation and able to reason soberly.
Therefore, jealousy is so hidden, and the personality turns into such a time bomb, risking to break loose at one moment, completely unexpectedly, both for oneself and for loved ones.
Enhanced sense of ownership
Power over a woman, disrespect for her as a person, and so on, can induce him to treat her as his own property, which does not have the right to something personal. Any sign of attention of another will be perceived with hostility and very aggressively, as an encroachment and a desire to take away its value.
Uncertainty
Even the strong half of humanity does not always experience peace and harmony. Why is she afraid that her beloved will go to a more successful, skillful in bed, rich or even beautiful. And this fear, like a worm, sits inside, constantly reminding of itself.
Projection
The psychology of a person is such that subconsciously he displaces what he does not like, or seems wrong, not acceptable. Only it does not just displace, but endows the other with these unpleasant, and maybe even pleasant qualities and desires. This is such a way of psychological protection, and it is called a projection.
So, wanting to change, but consciously realizing that this is a terrible act in relation to a partner, and you don’t want to feel like a terrible person at all, such a person simply begins to believe that this beloved wants another.
And, by the way, it is difficult to realize this projection on your own, and only those who are ready to be honest with themselves, recognizing not quite socially approved character traits or needs, can do it. If you are interested, you can learn more information from the article about psychological defense mechanisms.
10. The situation is sometimes complicated by the fact that it is important for the fairer sex to feel beautiful, desirable, and so on, which is why they often deliberately provoke their chosen ones by flirting with others. Sometimes a girl tries to cause anxiety and anger to check if he still loves her, or has cooled down. Sometimes out of a desire to hurt, to avenge something, or to understand what value is next to him.
Recommendations
1. Making sense
Think about the consequences of your suspicions and claims. Yes, perhaps, having made a scandal, you feel relief and acceptance, especially if the spouse begins to make excuses and declares her love intensely. But imagine what will happen to your relationship in five years if you continue in the same spirit?
In addition, the responsibility for insincerity will lie with you, since it is very difficult to tell the truth to a person who does not want to know it, or who is not able to hear it. Over time, the desire to explain and prove something disappears, since it is useless, and one wants to run away. So do not torture yourself and your partner, learn to control impulses for surveillance and fantasy.
2. Positive thinking
It will help to find not reasons for concern and anxiety, but quite real reasons to be happy with your loved one. This will allow you to look at situations that you used to worry about from a different angle. And changing the way you think is not that difficult, especially if you have a strong motivation to change.
After all, how to get rid of feelings of betrayal without changing internally? Without taking new steps and without doing some completely unpredictable actions, you will not get a different result, it will be the same as usual. So carefully study the methods indicated in the article about positive thinking and start taking action.
3. Learn
For some reason, it is generally accepted that love goes side by side with doubts and suspicions. In fact, this is not the case, as you can already see by examining the reasons for its appearance. Love is, above all, acceptance and trust. So discard the illusions about high feelings, and look for other ways to express them.
For example, having tried to get to know the chosen one better, from which she rejoices and feels happiness. Believe me, even if you have lived together for an insanely long number of years, there are things that you will discover for the first time.
4. Intrusive thoughts
If thoughts of betrayal haunt you, and you constantly feel anxiety and fear mixed with anger, then I recommend that you read the article about obsessive thoughts. Because it is important to be able to stop as soon as you feel the first symptoms of the emergence of crazy ideas. Then over time you will be able to notice how free and relaxed you have become.
5. Learn to live in the here and now
Yes, it is important to remember the past and care about the future, but noticing the present is the secret to a joyful and fulfilling life. No one knows what kind of meeting will be the last with a close and important person, so learn to enjoy his presence at the moment when he is around.
Notice reality, even if fantasies are more pleasant. The advice of a psychologist indicated in this article will help you master this art of a happy life.
You will receive more information regarding ways to overcome it from the article “Jealousy of a woman: causes and tips for getting rid of it”, since, in principle, they are universal because, in fact, the signs of manifestation are exactly the same for representatives of either sex.
Conclusion
And that’s all for today, dear readers! Remember that only you are responsible for the quality of your life, therefore, it depends only on you how you will live it, in fear, or in harmony with yourself and others. So, drive away fantasies of betrayal, if they are not confirmed by real facts, and enjoy the presence of your chosen one.