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A lot is happening online now, and dating is no exception. These services have become as familiar as car sharing or food delivery. Is there a way to use them productively? To do this, it is important to understand the rules of work. There is no guarantee of a XNUMX% result, but certain actions can significantly increase the chances. How to find a dream match, says psychologist Elena Nizeenko.
Whatever format of relationship you need, almost all roads will lead to Tinder. This is, in a sense, a wild field: people there are different, with all sorts of requests and wishes. So there is a chance to find what you need. Although it is possible that many stories of varying degrees of fun will happen to you along the way.
Before you go there, it is important to adjust the optics and come to terms with reality: the dating service is just a tool, debugged, but imperfect. The more and longer you use it, the more accurate your actions will become. After a while, it is easier to figure out where your interlocutor is drawn to, whether it is worth making contact with him and how to instantly block men who generously send indecent photos instead of a greeting.
What can I do to make Tinder work?
Decide on desires
The questionnaire must be relevant to your needs. That is why, before filling out a profile, you should honestly answer yourself: “Why do I need Tinder? What do I want to get in it?
You should not follow the beaten path: «I’m looking for a serious relationship» if your goal is limited to sex for one night. Of course, such a request may attract a certain number of characters with a low level of adequacy. But let’s be honest: with any of your positions, with any request, strange people can break into a personal.
So it is important to get rid of the false sense of shame and shake off the oppression of patriarchy. Tinder is a space of equal opportunities.
Be honest about your request
It is useful to at least roughly know what kind of person you are looking for. But there is a difficulty here: people are wider than our ideas about them. Until we have made contact, rigid input filters can deprive us of many interesting acquaintances.
This is why choosing a self-disclosure strategy can be helpful. Describe yourself, your interests and values. In this sense, the questionnaire becomes a great, albeit crude, slice of your identity and allows you to find people through common meanings. At the same time, it is important to write not only honestly, but also in an accessible way, so that these meanings are clearly conveyed through words and are understandable.
Understand that not everyone will be adequate
Some profiles in Tinder can cause rejection. This can be approached with anthropological fervor, at the same time training «watchfulness». Some unreliable characters are easy to figure out already from the text under the photo.
Disturbing markers: position from above, direct aggression and elements of hatred, scolding tone at the entrance, a kilometer-long list of expectations and requirements with a poor description of oneself. Pay attention to the photo too. And not so much on appearance, because photogenicity is a moot point, but on the context. Is there anything worrying? If yes, swipe to the left.
Indeed, there are enough inadequate in Tinder. But to be afraid of this is not to go to the Internet, so it’s better to be prepared in advance.
Accept that even a successful match can end in nothing
Yes, everything can end with an unexpected disappearance. Only yesterday you talked about everything in the world until four in the morning and were going to meet, and today he no longer answers — this is a normal story. You need to be able to let go and recognize the possibility of breaking the connection, which seemed very promising. In this sense, Tinder is a simulator that, among other things, trains the ability to let go of what did not belong to you anyway.
An obvious, albeit sad, truth: even a XNUMX% match in interests and a sense of humor in online communication does not guarantee that the same effect will be maintained in a face-to-face meeting. However, even a bad date is an experience and a renewed understanding of what you need. Use them for good, for example, for further adjustment of the questionnaire.
Mistakes and setbacks along the way are normal. Understanding this will help you get the perfect match that will grow into the relationship you want.