From the Sinton forum
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I was also happy with joint trips, trips with my parents, these are the brightest moments of my childhood. But the light was limited to this.
All good things ended exactly from the moment I started trying to express my opinion, and even more so to act in my own way.
«Crown» phrases of my father. By the way, a non-drinker, with VO, admittedly an intelligent person, he was respected at work …
«Sit, be silent in a rag when the elders are talking!»
«Don’t lean out!»
“DO NOT blather, but do as your father tells you, he is the eldest, he knows everything!”
“Where are you climbing, don’t even try, you still won’t succeed, your hands are growing out of the wrong place …”
These are early pearls.
By the age of fifteen it was about the following.
“Look, if you bring it in the hem, I’ll drive you out of the house!”
Angrily so, with hatred in the eyes (Yo-mine, I didn’t even think about kissing then, the ultimate dream was to take a walk with the boy you like by the hand …)
The fact that, at every opportunity, cracks were heard for «educational» purposes, etc. I’m completely silent…
The apotheosis was the case when at the age of 21 (!) I came home three hours later than HE told me. I was met at the door with a belt in my hand … «Su-uka! When will you learn to listen to your father??? He got two blows, managed to stop the third with a stool. What was it like for me to explain later to my boyfriend why I had a hefty bruise on my leg … At that moment I realized that I had to get out of my parents’ house far and as quickly as possible …
I hate… As soon as I remember the “happy” childhood that I had thanks to my own dad.
How long did I have to struggle with the feeling of self, taken from childhood “you are nobody and there’s no way to call you” … What complexes hung on me that father’s attitude towards me that I had … How hard I learned to enjoy life and trust people … What a discovery it was for me the fact that normal men do not choose wives like cows in the market (“to be healthy and hardworking”)…
What a miracle I didn’t get on a needle at the age of 15-17 and didn’t commit suicide, like some teenagers with a similar attitude towards themselves by their parents … How I didn’t get drunk later, trying to overcome my social phobia people when communicating …).
Are you asking for forgiveness?
To forget, not to remember — I tried …
It’s not that I’ve been spiteful towards my father all my life, and as an adult, too. No. And I tried to build relationships. And even, on the advice of my mother, I tried not to argue, to agree with him in something, in words. But it’s not like that! After all, he needed me not only to agree, but also to DO as he sees fit. Still. And I don’t care that I’m already an adult. His point of view is correct, and I — DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! Because — another, not from their anthill …