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What makes us happy? Good job, relationships, money, family? Of course, all this will not hurt. But many people are happy alone or without constant employment. After all, the point is not in what we have, but in our attitude to life and to others.
Seven special skills will help you become happy, according to writer and coach Robert Taibbi. Although they are called “superpowers” in the title, there is nothing fantastic about them. Any of these skills can be mastered and trained, they are available to most, regardless of temperament and personal qualities.
1. Ability to control emotions
We usually associate emotional control with anger management, and this is partly true. People who do not know how to control themselves are more likely to lose their jobs, get divorced and suffer from loneliness. There are many tools available to help you stay calm. There are even apps for smartphones that will remind you that it’s time to do breathing exercises, or help you learn meditation techniques.
However, it is not only anger that needs to be controlled. There are also more difficult emotions to manage: fear, panic, despair, sadness. Don’t let them take over you. However, excessive euphoria is also not always in place. It can overwhelm you so much that you simply cannot adequately assess the situation.
2. The ability to adequately respond to the emotions of others
Does your partner lose his temper easily? The boss does not forgive the slightest mistake? Don’t let others’ outbursts of anger ruin your mood. Do not try to protect loved ones and colleagues from negative emotions, just so that you yourself do not suffer along with them.
3. Ability to admit mistakes
It is important to admit your mistakes and allow others to make mistakes. When you don’t acknowledge a mistake, people around you start pointing it out. If you deny and refuse, conflict will arise. If you try to shift the blame to others, the attitude towards you will change for the worse.
Accept your right to make mistakes, it will help you to relate to the shortcomings of others more easily. People around are angry, greedy, lazy, late, justify themselves. Do not dwell on it, criticize, condemn, gossip. It is better to draw conclusions and move on.
4. Honesty
Honesty is one of the most important aspects of mindfulness and a happy life. By deceiving others, we lie first of all to ourselves. You have probably noticed that when you tell the truth, even if not the most pleasant, it becomes easier. Are you often honest with yourself? There is a connection between honesty and positive emotions, and if you feel it, you will no longer be able to deceive.
5. Ability to get out of your comfort zone
It’s nice to live in your own world, where everything is clear and calm. We try to protect ourselves from worry and anxiety. But only in difficulties is our true face revealed. You can live your whole life in greenhouse conditions and never know what you are capable of. Do you want it? Isn’t it time to embark on a dangerous journey called «real life»?
The comfort zone inhibits development and deprives the thrill of sensations. Remember the happiest moments of your life. Surely most of them were associated with some unusual events.
6. Ability to ask for help
Many of us, growing up, have learned to rely only on ourselves, not to rely on anyone and not to trust anyone. But asking for help will not make you weak or dependent. If you can do this, you know that you will not be refused, if you yourself are ready to come to the rescue, then you are a happy person.
Learning to act proactively means worrying less about trifles and being prepared for different twists of fate.
Many believe that loved ones should offer help themselves. But it’s better to contact them directly. To use hints means to manipulate a person, and this makes the relationship insincere. The ability to ask makes relationships open, trusting and strong.
7. Proactive
We are used to the fact that any activity is called activity. However, it can be divided into reactivity and proactivity. What is the difference? When you passively react to external influences, you show reactivity. For example: you were denied a promotion, you were upset. The waiter spilled tea on you — you got angry. Your reaction was instantaneous and you had no control over it.
Reactive people go with the flow, their emotions depend on the circumstances. But the ability to choose how to respond to what happened is already proactivity.
Of course, not everything in life can be influenced, but we can always respond proactively. You were denied a promotion, but you could have foreseen this development and have already begun to look for another place. The waiter spilled tea on you, but you do not waste time on senseless anger, but think about how to fix the situation, where to find a clean shirt and change clothes. Learning to act proactively means worrying less about trifles and being prepared for different twists and turns of fate.
About the expert: Robert Taibbi is a motivational speaker, coach.