Summer is the most stressful season?

Planning a vacation with a large family can sometimes be as exhausting as a year of work. “Hot tours” destroy all plans and reward with remorse. The reflection in the mirror reminds us that it was necessary to prepare for the beach season six months ago (even if there really is nothing to complain about). How to get rid of unnecessary thoughts and properly prepare for the rest?

How to plan a vacation

It all depends on your character and family composition. In Europe and America, many people plan their lives for years to come, knowing where they will spend the New Year, whose anniversary they will go on a cruise. This approach helps to save money and allows you to flexibly maneuver with your work schedule. “It is better to plan for some time: there will be no rush, excitement, hassle,” explains psychiatrist Vilor Shpitalnik. – Emotionally, it’s very cool: those who book a vacation in advance experience constant positive expectations of pleasure, joy, pleasure in advance. And this already has a positive effect on the psycho-emotional state – for the entire period remaining before the trip.

Who are “burning tours” suitable for?

Many people travel spontaneously. On the one hand, this has advantages: less thought, chose the best option, packed up and went. “This is suitable for easy-going people who do not have children,” says the psychiatrist. “Some people have to have everything in order, one after the other. They stick to a strict schedule, and if something doesn’t go according to plan, it makes them anxious. Therefore, they need to schedule their movements in advance.”

Family and vacation

In a stressful world, spouses do not have much time for communication. Even if one does not work, the second spends most of the day raising funds for the family. Add to this television, telephone, social networks … if you count the total pastime, it will be very small. In this sense, summer strengthens feelings and makes people closer to each other. “I advocate that in a stable family, where relationships are defined by mutual respect, love, affection and soul connection, husband and wife go on vacation together,” says Shpitalnik.

There is also such a situation: the whole family goes on vacation, but one of the adults only wants to escape from all this, to relax alone. Most often, such a desire occurs in women who are engaged in both work and children. “There should be a balance here, a golden mean: to leave not only with the children, but also with my husband, to disconnect from the stressful situation and everyday problems,” says the psychiatrist. – A trip with children is not a “relaxation”, but the same work, household chores. On vacation it is even more difficult, because there are more dangers: the pool, the sea or the ocean, snakes and insects. A woman is tense all the time, even if she is drinking a cocktail on the beach. Her brain is not disconnected from problems, she is always on her guard.

Some parents go on vacation leaving their children with their grandparents. How does the maternal instinct manifest itself in such a situation? “Of course, the mother will still be worried about the children, but not to the same extent,” the expert explains. – It all depends on the attachment of children to grandparents, on the relationship of mom and dad with their parents. If the relationship is strong and kind, everything is fine. In our modern world, the telephone and the Internet are very helpful. The woman will see the child, talk to him and be able to rest in peace. This is a very good option.”

Vacation without a partner

When a partner goes on vacation without us, it causes stress. But stress can be very different and depends on the relationship within the couple. If people are attached to each other and feelings are so strong that no one even thinks about a possible betrayal, annoyance may simply arise from the fact that they did not go together. Jealousy, suspicion, resentment remain aside. But if there is a crack in the relationship, such a trip will cause real paranoia in the “remaining” partner.

“I know a lot of couples who just can’t imagine being apart. But not because they cannot spend a day without each other, but because there is no trust between them, says psychiatrist Shpitalnik. Most often, a woman does not trust a man. It is very difficult to get rid of the thoughts “what if she finds someone younger there”, “she will pay attention to the one that is more beautiful than me”, “what if something happens between them”. They come from our subconscious, from our development. The reason may be low self-esteem, and the presence in the joint history of a couple of cases when trust was deceived.

In most cases, they cannot forgive it. Such stories end either in parting, or in the fact that the relationship becomes completely bleak for both.

“In these cases, I give two pieces of advice,” says the psychiatrist. – First: if it suddenly happened that you were carried away by someone, cheated on your partner, in no case do not talk about it. Do your best to hide it. I am not a moralist or a priest, I am a practitioner and a doctor. I know quite well both male and female psychology. The second piece of advice: if there has already been a crack in the relationship and you feel distrust, try to go together.”

Many believe that it is not worth hiding the betrayal, you need to be honest, especially when it comes to something frivolous like a holiday romance. “You will relieve your soul, and you will inflict an incurable wound on your partner,” Shpitalnik explains. — There are different opinions on this matter. I don’t think it’s okay to talk about cheating. Yes, a woman can forgive. And her husband can convince her that it was an accident and will never happen again, that he loves her. She will forgive, but she will not forget. This wound will smolder, and suspicion will remain forever. And if the partner goes to rest alone, then the first thought that arises in her is: “He will do it again.” And the same thought will arise in a husband if his wife cheated on him.

Experiences due to the “imperfect” figure

Women worry about this much more often than men. They are reminded of the need to “prepare” for the beach season from TV screens and from the pages of glossy publications: “is your figure ready for summer?”, “It’s time to lose weight, there is very little left before summer.” Fortunately, there is a huge selection of swimsuits that can hide flaws and highlight dignity. The attitude to this issue largely depends on self-esteem. Someone does not pay attention to a couple of extra kilos at all, others do not dare to take off their tunic and jeans on the beach.

“Let’s imagine a situation: my client, aged 30 to 40, goes on vacation to the Dominican Republic. She says that she feels very constrained on the beach, worries about what others will think of her. What to say to her? That she is a very attractive woman. And the fact that she is shy and expresses concern about the opinions of other people is a good sign. It means that she wants to continue to improve, she cares about the people around her. She is not selfish.

But if the level of anxiety goes off scale and interferes with life, then you need to work with this problem. Raising self-esteem will help get rid of negative thoughts. You need to focus on the fact that you are the best. Of course, self-esteem will not increase overnight, it will take time. I show such clients that there is simply no reason to worry about the opinions of others. Let them look at you or not. Don’t make a problem out of it. Don’t increase your stress levels, but relax and consider yourself the most attractive.”

Reading as part of the holiday

A book is a great way to get lost on the beach. Many people plan to study a bunch of books during their vacation. Psychologists do not advise taking literature by profession with you. If you want to fully relax, read not what you need, but what you want. If you haven’t been able to find time for a couple of interesting books for a year, take them to the beach. You will get additional pleasure, and the rest will be more complete.

The main thing is to switch off during the holidays from everything that causes stress. Try not to waste time on the phone and the Internet, because you can perfectly relax without them.