Attachment is an emotional connection, when the idea of existence without an object of attachment causes fear and pain: breaking at the level of the soul.
There is always the question of the size of these fears and pains. If a girl is not used to controlling herself in any way at all, then she will interpret any internal tension as pain and fear and will return to the subject of her sick affection, especially if she has nothing else to do in life.
Sick neurotic attachments arise anywhere and in anyone. A girl cannot live without her beloved; the young man sees no point in living without a girl; a young mother sees her whole meaning of life only in a child; a small child without a mother cannot be near even a minute alone; parents do not know how to live when their grown-up children leave…
The reasons for the formation of neurotic attachments are varied. Most often it is a way of life supported both bodily and ideologically. Sick attachments are more often formed in those people who sincerely consider such attachments to be something natural, good, and especially stick to the soul where there are certain internal benefits behind them. The girl is afraid (and rightly afraid) that she has nothing to especially hold the young man, and quickly plays out a heartache: a decent young man in this situation will behave more carefully with her, the relationship lasts … The young man does not know how to take care of the girl, but he hopes (usually in vain) that his mental anguish will show the girl the strength of his love …
Such sick attachments are a forced substitute for love in those who do not know how to love and are not inclined to learn. The mechanism of sick attachment ensures the forced stability of relations, tolerance and even cooperation between people.
Phrases for binding loved ones.
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Sometimes sick attachments replace not the lack of love, but the lack of meaning in life. When older people have lost all interest in life, the soul becomes empty and cold … To occupy the soul with experiences, you can watch TV shows, or you can worry about children — any experiences occupy the space of the soul and create the appearance of the meaning of life …
And it all starts with games and entertainment. Small children always want to have their mother with them as their favorite toy, a young mother herself has fun with her child, as the most beloved and long-awaited toy. Now, when mom left the room, the child screams: “Mom, don’t leave, I’m scared (bad, bored) without you!”, And mom runs with pleasure and joy to the child who needs her, who is happy for her. Happiness! However, games and entertainment are gradually turning into interpersonal manipulation games. Slowly, the son learns a lesson: if you strive to get the closeness of the right person, it should be painful and scary in your soul. A bad childhood habit arises: to suffer and play on suffering, as a result of which the tired, compassionate mother drags a five-year-old whim with her last strength, and her son habitually whimpers. And both cannot live without each other.
It happens that sick attachments arise on the basis of emotional anchoring. It is curious that a calm, warm relationship without pain does not leave such an imprint in the soul as a relationship that is bright, even painfully bright. Paradoxically, the presence of some pain in a relationship, giving them an additional emotional shake-up, makes them stronger, more precisely, they give them the features of a sick attachment.
The imprinting of the child by the mother would be much weaker if the birth were not accompanied by blows of wild pain clouding the consciousness. It would be interesting to check this: to statistically compare the attachment of mothers to children depending on the quality, or rather, the lack of pain relief during childbirth. Naturally, against the background of an initially positive attitude towards the child. At least it is known that fathers are always less attached to their children from the very beginning — of course, because they did not give birth to them.
Sick attachments can develop on any other basis—sometimes a unique smell, a distinctive voice, and other attractive personality traits are the cause of cravings—but strong attachments only become sick attachments when there are appropriate beliefs and intrinsic benefits behind them.
What to do?
“What to do to less often contact people who are characterized by sick attachments?” Look closely at people and create long-term relationships only with mentally healthy people: people who do not like to suffer needlessly, who know how to manage their attachments, who know how to both become attached and quickly get rid of. How to recognize such people? Such people are usually characterized by a good mood, a sense of humor, a tendency to act rather than worry, developed self-control.
“What should I do to make sick attachments less likely to arise in my soul?” — Good question. Prevention of sick attachments is a really important topic that every adult should know. It’s a pity that this topic is not studied at school … So that you don’t have unnecessary sick attachments in your soul, accustom yourself to always maintain a high emotional tone and regularly practice the “Soul Insurance” exercise. Those who have accustomed themselves to live in a high emotional tone are less dependent on other people, and mental insurance protects us from too painful blows of life, including too painful experiences when losing loved ones.
“What should I do if I have or have formed a sick attachment?” — If possible, completely stop communication with the source of this attachment. It hurts, but staying close is like cutting off a sore finger a little bit … If you missed it, you need to remove the sick attachment, here you need the help of a specialist. Attachment work is effective when done in a holistic way, when not only is the existing attachment removed, but its intrinsic benefits are analyzed and the beliefs that support it are discussed.
“But how to part with a person who has become attached to me if he has a sick attachment?” If you are not a completely callous person, this situation may not be easy for you. However, the situation is solvable, there are several options …