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“Success blocks us and may be what leads us to failure”
Fernando Bottle
Fernando Botella publishes “How to train the mind?”, A “mental gym” to wake up our heads
Fernando Bottle he says that “people fascinate him.” This could almost be his cover letter, since, as he himself explains, he has dedicated his life to that “fascination”, to trying to elucidate, even a little bit, everything that is related to life and the brain.
The writer and speaker decided to study Biology to feed that inner curiosity. This knowledge, together with his desire to “change” things, to make Botella have not stopped for a second. He has written several books, is a professor at several universities and is the CEO of «Think & Action», a company in which he is dedicated to the transformation of organizations. Now he makes his knowledge available to everyone in the just published “How to train the mind?”
(Alienta Editorial), a book that he himself calls a “gym” full of exercises and tips to activate the mind and open all our pores so that the knowledge that comes to us on a day-to-day basis can permeate well. Fernando Botella talks to ABC Bienestar about this mental training, why it is so important and how it is possible that sometimes we forget the importance of not stopping learning.
The title of his book refers to training our mind. Do you think that we usually have it asleep?
Our minds are more asleep than we think. We live stuck in the routine, something that does not have to be bad, but sometimes we make our brain “delighted to meet” and do not challenge ourselves. We must train our mind because, if we are not able to question our surroundings, we get trapped.
To start training the mind, is the first step to know ourselves better?
Definitely. But, the book explained that it is not enough to know ourselves well, but once we do, we must be able to determine what changes we want to make and how we are going to make them. And this is something very personal. For example, just as in a gym, one has to know before training their muscular or cardiac capacity to adapt the training, in the “gym of the mind” not all of us benefit, need or seek the same thing. There are tips, exercises, plans that can be more universal, but it is essential to know ourselves well in order to be able to choose what is going to help us the most.
Does this mental training help us to enhance personal development?
It is one of the fundamental theses of which I speak; the book begins with a page that says that the magnitude of my ignorance is infinitely exponential; I’m not talking about being stupid, but about the most classic definition of ignorance. The biggest mistake, the main failure factor, is success: it makes you paralyze, you enter a state of complacency. The people who have not thrown in the towel, even after reaching a goal, are the ones who have a better life.
He talks in the book about the importance of asking ourselves questions …
Just as in a gym, each machine helps us with one thing, in the “gym of the mind” that I mentioned earlier, every question we ask ourselves helps us with one thing and another. On the one hand we must be able to question ourselves; our mind lies to us, to protect ourselves, and we must be able to stop and think “How much truth is there in what I am telling you?” Also, it is essential to question our inner language; this influences how we treat ourselves and how we talk to others
Should we forget about the past in order to move towards the present?
I do not think we should forget, but train ourselves so that the past does not generate a negative effect on us. If we forget what happened to us, we will not be able to move forward, we will not have enough courage. Still, we must be careful, because the evocation of the past can turn against us; To think, I already did this and it came out, I will not do it again, it ends up holding us back. The same thing happens with the future, if we worry about what will never happen we get stuck. Fear is a necessary emotion, it protects us, but when it paralyzes us it becomes a toxic emotion.
If we think a lot about the past, or about a possible future and we end up “brooding” these thoughts a lot, in the end, the same thing happens that happens on a merry-go-round: we have the sensation that we are moving, but we go around the same thing, and we are anchored in a place without really moving.
In the book he talks about the idea of ”investing” in ourselves … How can we do it?
The idea of ”investing” in us could be summed up in eight words: “No one can hurt you more than you.” These eight words are key, you have to understand them well. If I am capable of investing in myself, in training myself, in continuing to want to give a little bit a better version of myself, in being a better person to collaborate in achieving a better world, if that is my vocation as an individual in this world, I will need to train to be one, it is not enough for me just to want it. For this reason, each one must have a “training plan” to help us.
The importance of listening
Throughout the pages of the book “How to train the mind?” (Alienta Editorial) the writer and lecturer deals with a multitude of topics: he talks about how our brain is biologically pessimistic, on how we can train disruptive thinking, on the relevance of imagination in our lives, and also on the power of knowing how to listen.
When you speak, you repeat what you already know. When you listen, you give yourself the opportunity to train your listening skills », explains the author on the pages of the publication. Listening is a fundamental element for communication to be effective and assertive. “It is important to understand that listening is not a passive activity, but an active one,” says Botella. Therefore, the writer points out that, when we listen, we must understand the intention of the interlocutor, as well as understand his point of view and the reasons why he defends this.
It is listening to key to developing empathy; Empathic listening is what makes us able to summarize and reformulate the ideas of our interlocutor before even expressing our own. The author leaves us four techniques to improve our listening skills:
1. We must use body language, especially of the look and facial gestures. “Do it for real, feel it, let it not be fictitious,” says Botella.
2. It is important to show that we care what they tell us about the concentration. We must give more value to the interlocutor than to the environment. “Don’t look at your cell phone, don’t turn your back, pay full attention,” recommends the speaker.
3. We must not interrupt our interlocutor. «Although it seems that by finishing someone else’s sentences you show that you are paying attention, it is not like that; all you do is make the other person uncomfortable and give the impression that you don’t care what they tell you, “he says.
4. Finally, it is important ask questions. In this way you show an interest, it is seen that you are involved and you reinforce the act of listening. “If you can, ask open questions, so that the interlocutor can develop his topic well and so that the conversation is more fluid”, recommends Botella.