Stroking, loving, praising: what do raising children and pets have in common?

Problem number 1. The dog does not obey

Classic dog and child problem. You fight, you teach order, you don’t sleep at night, and they all walk on their ears and ignore requests. Although it is customary to say about some dog breeds “the smartest”, “the most obedient” and all that.

But then you got some German Shepherd, but she doesn’t come to the call, picks up all kinds of rubbish from the ground, breaks off the leash to her fur buddies and does everything unworthy of the queen of canine intelligence. “How to wean a dog from bullying” is perhaps the most frequent request that we receive.

What to do?

Change the question. In the matter of raising dogs, “weaning”, prohibitions and punishments work very poorly. Therefore, it is sometimes difficult for owners to correct unwanted behavior if they are trying to wean it from it.

It is important not to wean the dog from breaking off the leash, not to scold for ignoring the owners on a walk, not to prohibit bullying, but to show what kind of behavior you expect from it in specific situations, and encourage what you like. Not teach, but teach. And, of course, to insure against the possibility of making mistakes.

Let’s say your dog reached out to taste rotten meat under a bush, and you keep him from crime with a leash. And when he was distracted and looked at you – praise and treat from your own hands. So he will understand that it is very profitable and pleasant to refuse food on earth.

Problem #2: A dog can’t be left alone at home.

If your dog barks, destroys an apartment, or pees while you are working for him in the office, he may be diagnosed with separation anxiety. This disease is often found in young children due to attachment disorders.

The relationship of dogs with their owners is also based on attachment and is built on the type of parent-child relationship. Therefore, it is not surprising that dogs can experience separation anxiety. And words cannot explain to them that the mother will definitely return from work in the evening, because dogs cannot think in terms of the past and the future. For this, they have insufficiently developed abstract thinking.

What to do?

In the fight against separation anxiety, it is very helpful to create a clear and predictable environment for the dog. To “predict” the future, that is, your safe return from the office, rituals help dogs, that is, the sequence of the same actions throughout the day. For example, an equally calm departure for work and an equally calm return home to a suffering dog.

And one more important factor: never punish the dog for hooliganism, which he committed while you were not at home. Belated punishment is not only ineffective, but also harmful! You can read more about punishment and treatment of separation anxiety in our book Stroke, Love, Praise-2. An urgent guide to solving dog problems ”(Eksmo, 2020).

Problem number 3. The dog whines and whimpers

Every parent has experienced childish whining when trying to wean a baby from a dummy or refusing to buy a twelfth car (doll) for a son (daughter). At this point, the owners of the dogs nodded in understanding, because a whimpering dog that is not being given the coveted ball right now can bring even the most restrained owners to white heat.

Many, by the way, give up and give the furry child what he asks with such anguish. And the next time the anguish reaches a truly cosmic scale.

What to do?

Be consistent and don’t be fooled. Well, or not bring it to him. The thing is, giving your dog what it wants when it whines is reinforcing that way of asking you for something. And it makes sense if you think about it.

The kid, whether human or dog, hangs in your arms to get the same ball, and you give in order not to hear this whining anymore. What does the baby understand? “Next time, you need to whine harder so that the mother gives out what she wants faster.”

You need to do the opposite: encourage calm behavior. The dog that lies quietly under the table gets the best pieces, and the dog that begs for them, poking his knees and sobbing, gets nothing until he calms down.

Problem number 4. The dog grows ungrateful

Canine gratitude and devotion is a favorite myth that accompanies many advertisements for the sale or adoption of puppies. Like, take the dog out of bad conditions, so she will be forever grateful to you. So, it won’t.

Dogs (like children up to a certain age) do not know how to experience gratitude and will never be able to realize that you saved them, say, from the clutches of flayers. And, of course, no amount of gratitude will make a shelter dog behave decently in a new home and appreciate the happiness that has befallen it.

Like any living creature that does not know how to think abstractly, which means to understand that they have done good, the dog will experience stress from a change of residence. Even if at home he is warm and full, but in the shelter it was hungry and cold. It’s just that the shelter was understandable and predictable, but your apartment is not yet. To get used to the new orders, the dog needs time.

What to do?

Do not place high expectations on the dog and do not require him to behave decently out of gratitude. She will become a nice and obedient girl when she understands the new rules, begins to develop affection for you and overcomes the stress associated with the move. And until that moment, sometimes the truth can create outrages, completely without thinking about the fact that you rescued her and sheltered her. Well, she just has nothing to think about it.

It is worth giving time to a new dog and not demanding anything from her, but not waiting for gratitude, but patiently waiting until she gets used to your family.