Some of us prioritize a perfect, ideal goal. And they do not notice that the very path to it is full of achievements, successes, discoveries. The process is just as important as the result, and here’s why.
We are used to the fact that we need to work hard for the result, not to let ourselves go. And if something works out, then it can be even better. So we risk never stopping!
“When a person thinks only about the goal, gives all his strength to “achievement”, he loses the ability to even simply enjoy success. Satisfaction is quickly replaced by anxiety: will it be possible to continue to keep the bar? It is difficult for us to turn off the intended path, even if changes are necessary. If unexpected opportunities open up or sudden difficulties arise, we are lost, we don’t know what to do with them, ”explains family therapist Emily Feng.
To learn how to stop, to pause in the race, you need to figure out what is the cause of perfectionism. Perhaps you fear failure, fear disappointment in yourself, or dream of success. Be that as it may, the eternal pursuit of the ideal sometimes deprives us of the ability to enjoy life, relax, enjoy communication.
Do you want to take back control of your life? Try to figure out how to benefit from your perfectionism. After all, it often leads to various distortions of thinking. For example, some people quit as soon as they start because they are afraid of failure.
Perfectionism sometimes gets in the way of accustoming yourself to a healthy lifestyle. How does this happen? We decide to finally take up sports and expect to immediately move from “lying on the couch” to exercising twice a day for an hour. Then we realize that we can not cope, and give up. We burn out if we want everything at once.
“It is important to learn to compromise. Rejoice in even small successes. After all, training for just 15 minutes a day is better than nothing. Any progress is already great, ”recalls Emily Feng.
Strive for progress and balance, not for an unattainable ideal. Appreciate the experience and unforgettable impressions
Some perfectionists clearly see the bad, but they don’t notice the good at all. Therefore, they devalue their successes and achievements. What if you have a similar view of the world?
“A little exercise will help you: imagine that in your place is a close friend or any other person whom you appreciate. What would you say to him if he complained about the same problem as you? Most likely, you would try to cheer him up, reminded him of all his past successes and assured him that there is nothing wrong with one mistake. So why can’t you treat yourself like that?” Emily Feng says.
Achieving perfection is not a bad thing in and of itself. After all, you are not at all indifferent to what happens in your life. It is worth looking at this quality of character a little differently.
“Strive for progress and balance, not for an unattainable ideal. Appreciate the experience and unforgettable impressions. Do you think your loved ones will be disappointed in you if you are not “perfect”? Analyze the situation. Is there any real reason for such thoughts? And if someone really makes excessive demands on you, it’s time to think about whether it is worth maintaining a relationship with such a person, ”Feng emphasizes.
Here are some more tips from Emily Feng. They will help you enjoy your activities without worrying too much about the result.
- Pay attention to your speech. Try to replace “I need” with “I want” whenever possible.
- Don’t judge yourself too harshly for mistakes and unfinished business.
- Appreciate progress and do not underestimate your merits.
- Remember to take good care of yourself to help you stay focused and productive.
- Self-care is not selfish, it does not need to be “deserved”. It is vital, without it you are threatened with burnout and a nervous breakdown.
- Try to be flexible, don’t be afraid to make changes to the original plan.
- Be indulgent to yourself, forgive yourself what you are ready to forgive friends and relatives.