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Fear, anger, bitterness, pangs of conscience… Who among us has never been overwhelmed by emotions? We offer four simple techniques that will help you cope with excess feelings in a stressful situation and relieve tension.
Suffocation, palpitations, fever, trembling, clenched fists … What to do when the body is controlled not by the mind, but by emotions? “First of all, take your feelings seriously, do not dismiss them,” advises psychotherapist Catherine Emle-Perissol. “They tell us what is good for us and what is not.” And we need to “sign to receive” this message, recognizing the strength of our feelings. And then what?
“When anger or despair overwhelms, the best thing to do is to stop,” says clinical psychologist and psychotherapist Polina Tour. Just say “stop!” and freeze.
You will have at least two options: physically get out of a stressful situation or mentally retreat, take a step back. If you chose the first option and left the room, this is already a victory. You didn’t get emotional and did something you would later regret.”
Now it’s important to distract yourself. You can walk, run or even jump: the release of energy, bodily discharge will also release consciousness. You can also deliberately cause strong physical sensations in yourself. Bring a liquid with a pungent odor to your nose, eat something spicy, bitter, sour, or wash your face with ice water.
Another way is to keep the mind busy. Solve math problems, try to pronounce the English alphabet in reverse order, remember a few poems.
These red herrings will weaken the power of strong negative emotions.
If it is impossible to leave the room, Polina Tour offers to step back mentally. “Use deep slow breathing techniques and become a kind of stenographer. A statement of what is happening inside you and around you is a powerful tool that is great to help you come to your senses. What situation are you in? Where are you now? What sounds do you hear? What happens to the body?
Such a “transcript” will be useful in the future. “Before the anger has reached its peak, it’s easier for us to say “stop!” and apply all other techniques,” explains Polina Tur. – Examine the signs of your anger. Pay attention to what thoughts flash through your head, how you act and what you say. Fists clenched mechanically, face burning, hands shaking? Calculate the main markers of emotions and stop yourself at their first appearance.
But relaxation alone is not enough. Catherine Emle-Perissol gives the example of climbing a steep mountain. “We can stop clinging to emotions only if we have something else to cling to,” she explains. The advice to simply relax is not enough unless some other support is offered. For example, for some thoughts.
“We can ask ourselves three questions,” the therapist suggests. – What can I do – including the whole range of possibilities, up to the absurd? What information do I have and what do I not? And most importantly: given all this, what do I want? When we do this work, the mind will calm down.
Sometimes past sadness, resentment, repressed anger, long-lived in the memory, create repetitive patterns of behavior in us, such as over-sensitivity or painful withdrawal.
“In this case, it makes sense to go to psychotherapy,” says Polina Tur. “In just a few sessions, we can bring to light the memories and beliefs that fuel our negative emotions.” Moreover, this can be done not only in individual, but also in group therapy.
Neutralize your anger
Anger is like a flood of destructive energy that overwhelms us and makes us lose control of ourselves. And the more desperately we try to contain it, the higher the risk that the dam will still burst. Wouldn’t it be better to take an example from a reed that bends in the wind but does not break?
If talking on the phone turns into a storm, try to find bodily balance first. Get into a stable standing position or sit with your weight fully on the seat.
Then, for a few seconds, take a relaxed posture: the head is slightly thrown back – this movement is often instinctive, when despair reaches its peak, eyes are closed – the body is relaxed, as if it is freely flowing down. By releasing tension in this way, you “neutralize” your anger and can continue the conversation in a calmer tone.
Smile if you feel hurt
Bitter resentment constantly reminds of itself and creates tension between us and other people, makes it difficult to calmly look into the future. Instead of striving to settle scores at any cost, move away from what has become a useless burden for you.
Let yourself be inspired by the “inner smile” exercise, which serves as a preparation for the qigong complex. Look in the mirror and let a slight smile appear on your face. To help yourself, think of a loved one or a happy event. Look at your reflection and notice how your mood has changed.
Negative experiences have lost their sharpness, you are filled with some new calm for you, you feel lighter. By closing your eyes and maintaining that smile, you can already aim for deeper relaxation.
Look beyond the guilt
When we are tormented by remorse, we lose confidence in ourselves. Inspired by euthonic gymnastics, a body practice based on observing our sensations, this exercise allows you to fully live the present moment by mobilizing the whole body.
Standing in front of a window or landscape painting, look at the horizon. The legs are slightly apart, the knees are slightly bent, the arms are freely lowered. While inhaling, slowly raise your open palms until your forearms meet at face level, as if you want to block your view.
Without stopping and exhaling through the nose, continue the movement of the arms, again spreading them to the sides above the head, and then let them fall to the sides of the body. Repeat five times at a slow pace. The exercise will help to disperse, at least temporarily, the clouds of guilt.
Get ahead of your fear
Fear is often an anticipation of a situation we think we can’t handle: public speaking, difficult explanation, conflict. Therefore, we live it over and over again in our minds with increasingly pessimistic forebodings.
Try to be smart. Just before the moment that causes such feelings, deliberately aggravate the tension: take a deep breath, clench your jaws, frown your eyebrows and forehead, pull your head into your shoulders, clench your fists. Hold your breath for a moment, then exhale slowly, gradually relaxing all parts of the body. Repeat several times.
By intentionally intensifying the physical manifestations of fear, we then regain calmness. In this way, we stop sinking into anxious forebodings and gain control over our emotions again.
Little Rituals of Liberation
Collective and religious rites have helped people part with the past since ancient times: mourning celebrations to say goodbye to the dead, the initiation of young men when they become men, ritual cleansing during the transition from abstinence to marriage … Nowadays, there are also many rituals that help to let go of the past and move more freely on the path of change.
Among them there are those consecrated by traditions, and relatively new, but already familiar. So, in the United States, divorce ceremonies and karaoke parties have taken root, where girls spend their teenage years. Some psychotherapists recommend that their patients create personal release rituals.
For example, in the event of a conflict, write a letter about your anger, resentment, sadness, and then burn it and dispel the ashes. These purposeful actions, done in full awareness, clearly mark the boundary between “before” and “after” for us, and thus help us overcome an emotionally difficult moment. Why don’t you try to invent your own rituals?