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Sometimes troubles pour in one after another, and life turns into an obstacle course. We blame bad luck, we envy more successful acquaintances, for whom everything goes like clockwork. But perhaps we are not powerless in the face of fate and much depends on us. Is it time to take matters into your own hands?
It was time for Max to change something, the divorce exhausted him. The ex-wife was cruel to him during their life together, in the process of parting, everything became even worse. Divorce was expensive, in addition, he lost his business.
Now that everything was finally behind him, it was time for him to stop surviving and start living fully.
He knew it would take effort, but he didn’t know where to start. I wanted to change my life for the better. He began to feel like a victim, tired of the fact that his fate was controlled by others, he was ready for change. He was going to start a new business and understood that it was also time to develop his personal life in a new direction.
In the past, he always tried to change others, not himself, now he realized the mistake and was ready to focus on self-development. And although I understood that it would take a lot of time and effort, I was sure that the future results would be worth it.
This is how the transformation process that Max began for himself went. Details depend on the individual characteristics of each person.
1. Become aware of the inner obstacles
Do not blame others, downplay their life difficulties and exaggerate your own, blame unforeseen circumstances. Focus on what you can change, yourself. Each of us is responsible for our behavior, thoughts and feelings. Take charge of your life and figure out what inner obstacles are holding you back from becoming the person you want to be.
2. Make a list of your strengths and weaknesses
Try to figure out how the positive traits are related to the negative ones. Significant life changes are built around the personality strengths you have. For example, a person who jealously guards his family can become paranoid. However, if he protects relatives, thereby constantly expressing love and care, this is a positive trait. Parsing character traits can take a long time, but will be beneficial.
3. Start Change Gradually
Often there is a temptation to start changing everything at once, but such changes are not fixed and exhausting. Therefore, to begin with, choose some direction that is completely under your control. Max decided to work on anger and resentment left after the divorce.
By starting daily mindfulness exercises, he learned to effectively manage internal aggression and was able to get rid of most of the resentment. This gave energy for the development of new business.
4. Remember that change will cause resistance.
For example, a person who decides to stop drinking alcohol will meet resistance from those with whom he drank. People try to stop you from changing just because your change reminds them of their own shortcomings. You are not responsible for them. Resistance is welcome, it will help get rid of unhealthy relationships.
5. You will need help
It is easy to make a serious mistake by asking the wrong people for help. As a result, an attempt to change may fail, and dissatisfaction with oneself will only intensify. With health problems, you should contact a doctor, with spiritual problems — with a priest or other trusted person, with psychological problems — with a psychologist, with career problems — with a coach. You need to find a professional, not an amateur.
6. Don’t expect others to immediately praise you.
The one who needs the constant approval of others changes his life not for himself, but for the sake of others. Trying to please other people is a bottomless quagmire, because expectations will constantly change depending on the environment. It can also be a sign of codependency or narcissism. In this case, you must first deal with psychological problems before trying to change something in life. Successful change is reward enough.
7. Don’t expect change to be accepted right away.
If you managed to change a lot for the better, this does not mean that those around you will immediately accept the changes or follow your example. Let others live at their own pace. If your behavior hurt loved ones, it will take a long time (from six months to a year) to believe that you have changed.
These seven steps only roughly show the path to a fulfilling life. They make it clear where to start. By changing his life, Max was able to find happiness and peace, and so can you.
Source: pro.psychcentral.com